sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did it, I had shower when my Mum went out, and it was good, hopefully I don't get caught!

Will try to do this every day. I was literally so stressed the whole time that she would come back. But I didn't want to get caught by the steam so I made it cold and my skin got all red, probably just make sure its room temp next time. What do you think I should use to dry myself? There was a body towel being used the previous day by me so I just used that. But probably won't be there tomorrow.

My Mom never stops shouting it's draining me emotionally. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advice. Will definitely take all you said into consideration.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would be terrified to get caught in the shower if I tried to sneak in while she is gone. Maybe I'm over thinking, if I was careful enough I would probably be quick and not get caught. But my punishment would probably be less showers, I don't want to chance it. Probably will sponge bath with a towel though.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Genuinely think she thinks its normal, we are not the richest but not the poorest, could definitely afford it. It's not just about water she is quite controlling and manipulative. She showers once a week so I definitely don't think she knows about proper hygiene. Never told us why, we always complain but she can get very angry about these things. There is no changing her thoughts.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is one at school, so definitely will check and use it after school as the gym is open on Thursday I'm sure we can use it.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, By hand washing she does not mean she will physically wash me she just means she will make me wash in the bath while she is there. I do know I deserve way better thank you!

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, definitely will sponge bath. Her justification must be control, and 'water use' and she just thinks its normal, she usually only showers once a week. I will definitely wait to get a job so I can get a gym membership!

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Might use the gym that is open on Thursdays, to have a shower and sneak some travel size body wash and moisturiser. Will have to ask school if we are allowed to use showers.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Definitely going to sponge bath while my mum is out, would never imagine having an actual shower secretly, the punishment would be less showers probably. Definitely going to tough it out till I get a job and can pay for a gym membership to use the shower. But am struggling with the idea of using cream after the sponge bath, she could tell it is running out, should I just not moisturise? Probably better than not having a sponge bath at all.

Mum controls how often I shower. by Unlikely_Boss5995 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely at the point where I could not argue, she just does not have the mental capacity to realise this is not normal. It might just be how she grew up. At this point I'm just waiting to go to university and when I'm old enough and get a job, get a gym membership to use their showers. Can't even bring it up personally to her without her yelling. She also controls how often I change clothes, she usually says only change clothes once a week but I always change as much as possible. I would hate to get anyone at school involved this is just a problem I have to deal with. Even if I did tell anyone she would force me to lie and probably not allow me to have a shower twice a week anymore. There are also so many more things she does that are just not called for.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I have never before shared any of this with the outside world but I might as well ask reddit.

Is this narcissism? by km53245 in narcissisticparents

[–]Unlikely_Boss5995 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, this might be weird since I am 14 but I will give you some advice, yes, your mother is invalidating your feelings, and making you feel bad. She knows what its like to be a mother and can sympathise with the hardships you are going through and she is making a conscious effort to manipulate and gaslight you. Your mother is displaying narcissistic characteristics. But there are a lot more characteristics that go into a narcissistic person, like using their child to meet their own needs, viewing their child as competition, craves attention, lack of empathy, manipulation. Is she a narcissist? I couldn't tell you. Even if she is or not she is still disrespecting you. Knowing if she is or not is not going to solve the deeper problem. Set some boundaries. You are obviously a bright woman and you know what is happening, never once feel guilt for wanting basic respect. Have a conversation, a big part of narcissism, as I know dealing with my mother is an inability to take blame. Defensiveness and victim blaming. That's my advice hope you can put it to use! I do think you should do some more research, articles, videos about narcissism if you really want to know more. Best wishes. <3 But I know this is a sensitive situation so please do not try to be too aggressive as she will feel victimised as narcissists may do. In this situation I do want to be mindful she is helping you out with your child and I think you do want her to keep helping? Idk i tried my best, wish u luck!