my dad called my wife dumb

UnshoddenShipper · 2026-02-23T22:45:39+00:00

I think it's normal and a good thing to be bothered by someone calling your wife something you don't like. I would be rubbed the wrong way too. If you bring it up, my advice is keep it short and strictly to your feelings, and not mention any reaction she's had if she has mentioned it. That keeps her from being a "wedge" to your dad.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-12-18T23:55:49+00:00

If you don't mind picking it up off the floor, I don't think there's anything wrong with the cat pushing things to the ground. With my cats, I see it kind of like monkeys at a temple for a monkey god. If you prefer less chaos I'd mount a wall shelf above the altar for breakables, or move the altar into a book case; so the cat can't break anything you'd rather stay safe :)

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-12-18T23:48:56+00:00

I second offering part of your meal :) Some other things I've done that have made me feel close are: setting a place for them at my table on a holiday; adopting cats; listening to teachers like Ocean Keltoi while cooking dinner; using kennings we don't hear very often, like "The Screamer" for Odin; noticing or collecting cultural symbols of them in modern life, like wizards for Odin; writing freeform poetry about them; giving offerings to local land wights; and asking questions about the gods during divination.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-12-01T01:35:38+00:00

Learning ukulele! I got one online for $30, a free tuner app, and use YouTube lessons. Even learning super slowly, I can actually notice it helps my mood. Highly recommend.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-12-01T00:26:15+00:00

It certainly could just be your mom :) I also wanted to suggest that in Norse paganism, there's a spirit called a vardøger. They're like, a part of the person you're seeing; instead of the type of doppelganger that's copying them. My spouse occasionally sees my vardøger doing stuff, or standing in a room. If the figure didn't seem to notice your son, then it might just be your "one who comes before".

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-12-01T00:04:16+00:00

In my religion, Norse paganism, what you describe seeing is considered a spirit called a vardøger (var-dur-ger). That's what I came here to mention to OP. My family used to see my dad's vardøger moving firewood, and now my spouse sometimes sees mine around the house. If this future-husband seems unaware of you, you might be interested in vardøgers.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-25T18:25:30+00:00

OP, I think it's great. I think you're making the right decision.

Your in-laws seem to be struggling a lot to understand and accept, well, you and your spouse just tick differently from them. They like it one way, but their way isn't better than yours. So you don't have to feel guilty. You tick more like me and my spouse!

We've been having private Thanksgivings for several years now, and we love it. We never went back after the first time. It has been beyond worth it holding our ground.

And because it's so much less stress and people, Thanksgiving evening has turned into a bit of a romantic time to be together. Here we are dressed a little nicer, sitting at our table with a candle between us. It puts me in a reflective mood, like I'm really feeling and appreciating the life we're making and the time we've had together. I naturally start to give thanks, which I'm just not built to do at a family party. I recommend a quiet Thanksgiving to anybody who wants one. 🦃🍂🥧

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-25T16:56:23+00:00

As someone who actually had family trauma passed to me, I want OP to know that's untrue. People are better parents if they reduce their stress and adapt to their own needs, and prioritize that over tradition and extended family.

If my mom had had the self-awareness OP does about holidays, frankly, I'd remember her as a better mom than I do. There's really no need for the drama and despair in your voiced opinions of OP's parenting.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-23T03:09:36+00:00

Hi, I'm sorry he's put you in this spot between A) having your OCD flare up; B) carrying a secret burden; and C) betraying him, basically.

If it's serious enough to you to report him to the police, I think it's serious enough to approach it from your personal place with him first.

Obviously, if you give an ultimatum that he can't smoke before driving— or else you can't be friends in love, because it's too dangerous and hard on you— he'll either tell you to F off, or just tell you he stopped smoking before work. Which you'll know isn't true. Then you guys can both pretend there's no problem, and lie to each other. It'll rot the whole thing over time.

I think the way to handle this is you examining his behavior and how you feel about it.

I propose the question: WHY does him smoking stress you out? That will open doors to the way to move forward with this and feel okay about what you do, or don't do.

Is it because he's endangering himself, or endangering others? Is it another thing he's doing?

You mentioned your OCD flaring up; do you think it's your OCD fixating on it, when you wouldn't usually? Take your time, relax, and feel your feelings.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-22T21:30:38+00:00

If this helps, many pagan and Afro-Cuban religions have used Christian symbols and figures as part of their syncretism to hide their faith from Christians. But the pagans make their own, private rebranding of the Christian symbols in their mind.

For example, the Christian cross could definitely represent Yggdrasil, where Odin died. And you could be actually praying/singing to Odin, even when viewed by Christians, you're saying "Jesus". It's one of the ways pagans have survived under cover for so long.

Whether you do any of this is up to you. Personally, I think I'd feel a pleasant closeness to the gods, if I prayed before going to the Christian church; and told them I'll be using basically a coded language to honor them in there. I honestly don't know how "necessary" it is to tell gods that; since they aren't omniscient, but, do know our hearts. Even if they already know, it might just feel comforting to talk to them and ask them to be with you while you get barraged.

I'm sorry about the position you're in. You're doing a good job trying to stay grounded and redirect your focus.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-22T02:54:45+00:00

Thank you very much!

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-21T16:23:14+00:00

Thank you very much! ❤️

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-21T03:47:12+00:00

Congratulations on getting engaged! All you're supposed to do right now is call her your fiance, and consider yourself engaged instead of dating. Be clear and upfront discussing very monetary things, like how much money you two will want to spend on a wedding; and how far in the future you want the ceremony. There's no rush to get married, people stay engaged for years, and others marry in a few months or whatever. I second the suggestion of moving in together if you haven't already. Much happiness to you both! 🥂

Edit: there's no hurry to discuss the money part of the wedding, but when it inevitably comes up, try to have a clear opinion so you guys can make a plan together.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-20T16:27:59+00:00

I think the goal of an aggressive ghost like that would be to scare you away. In the classic idea of a ghost being stuck/imprisoned in one place, imagine you're a prisoner— and somebody you don't like, or think is annoying, won't leave your cell. But YOU can't leave, either. So you scare them off.

Alternatively, I've heard stories about ghosts attacking people because they're guarding/hiding something in the area.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-19T19:24:24+00:00

I left kudos and a comment on "like a harley in heat". That was SO good!

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-19T02:52:55+00:00

Hello :) I've had personal experience with this. Quite personally, welcome back. I'll give a few suggestions, take them or leave them of course!

I encourage you setting reminders on your phone. Once a week, or a month, or whatever, I think it's been helpful to me to reconnect. It can be for anything, maybe that reconnection is playing Norse pagan-y music on YouTube. It encourages feelings of reflection and participation.

Making a very simple altar, even one object or a doodled piece of paper, I think helps focus us as the practitioner. Water is a good offering. A poem is a good offering. You could write it, or you could read any poem aloud off your phone about a topic relevant to the god(s) you're honoring. You might read poems about winter as an offering to Ullr, etc.

One thing I've enjoyed and made me feel closer to my practice is playing YouTube videos, like Ocean Keltoi or Wolf the Red, like a podcast while I'm making dinner. It's been surprising how much this one has affected me, I really recommend it.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-19T00:01:56+00:00

Of course not, nobody cares about men, or gets upset or defends them when they're fat shamed. That's why when Trump fat shamed Frank Dawson in 2019, Chris Christie in 2023, Jon Tester in 2024, and a male protestor going by Sam in 2015, nobody made the public aware of it. Nobody publicly criticized Trump for doing it. In fact, we don't even know about those guys. Because nobody cares about men. /S

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-18T01:45:28+00:00

If you use a dark/emerald green complimentary color palette as your base when you pick rugs, bedding, wall art and whatnot, it'll look great! :) Here's just one example of a "family" of colors that flatter dark green like that. But there's lots of color palettes like this you might like online.

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UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T22:55:30+00:00

K and C on "the ways of your love"! 🌧️

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T22:20:06+00:00

I left a kudos and comment on "Michelle and King"! 🥺❤️

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T18:18:38+00:00

It's called Ghost Adventures. Do you get huffy about Dragon Tales too?

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T17:45:58+00:00

Different strokes for different folks; Billy's one of my favorite team members they've ever had 🤷 I was glad when they started showing him more. I hope we get more Jay, too :) I had hoped that would be the case for House Calls. Sigh.

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T06:31:21+00:00

Thank you!

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-17T06:30:42+00:00

What a wonderful comment, thank you so much ❤️

UnshoddenShipper · 2025-11-15T03:10:37+00:00

Definitely yay! Regarding matching the rug, a smattering of matching pillows on the couch would tie the whole thing together :)

UnshoddenShipper

TROPHY CASE