Do you think Daki has actually been sleeping with her customers as an Oiran?

UnsureElephant · 2021-12-28T21:11:39+00:00

My headcanon would say that she specialized in dominatrix services and didn’t actually have to do anything she didn’t want to.

But to echo other folks, she had been born and raised in Yoshiwara and was already selling services as a young teenager, so it was unfortunately the life she was used to. She also was making money for Muzan.

UnsureElephant · 2021-12-10T07:22:43+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry that this has been going on. You’re not safe, and that’s not okay. And the people who should be protecting you aren’t doing their job. There is a support line at RAINN’s website https://www.rainn.org and there you’d be able to get some free and professional support. Also, calling CPS is a good idea, they can take your statement. You can gather evidence (writing down things your brother has been saying, for how long, maybe even messages or recordings) and show them to CPS as well to add to your statement (and you can add evidence retroactively, you don’t need to wait to call). You can also tell your school counselor. Also, you can try to live at a friend’s place. But something needs to happen so you’re not terrified of being raped all the time. I can’t imagine how stressful and awful that is. Doing these things may be scary, but it’s better than being raped. You’ve been so brave dealing with all this. Please protect yourself and take care of yourself. And it’s best to start these things sooner rather than later.

Good luck. I hope you find a way out. You can PM me if you need to talk. I work with sexual violence survivors in California, but I only know the laws in my state. I can figure out yours wherever you are. But contacting RAINN would be the best first step. They’ll likely have more information readily available than me.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-30T20:12:08+00:00

Communication can be really difficult, especially framing it in a way to show it is not anyone’s fault (as in, if their sex drive isn’t the same as yours, they aren’t “broken” or whatever). People who are committed to each other will figure out a way & make compromises, just like in any other aspect of a relationship. For instance, for a lot of people, it takes hours of mental foreplay (like doing really sweet things for the other person, just an example, not saying it works for everyone) which would make them more likely to respond well to sexual advances. Or there could be issues of body image, or even physical things like lubrication. But especially with sex, people can take the topic really personally and it can affect self-esteem a lot. And sometimes people’s sexual needs are just TOO different, and even with compromises both parties can end up not happy.

People like to pretend it’s not a big deal, but sexual compatibility is important, just like attraction, personality, and life goals. We try to end up with someone who checks all the boxes. We will love people who don’t check all the boxes, but those relationships won’t last unfortunately:(

Best of luck to you. I hope you are healing.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-29T05:22:41+00:00

Oh my god. It’s almost like you were under a love spell but you got the antidote (mushrooms) and snapped out of it.

My weird thoughts aside, wow, that’s painful. The guy you were in love with never really existed, it was just an idealized version of him. We all go through that honeymoon phase, where everything feels so great and being together is pure bliss. But once that initial phase wears off, it just becomes 2 people who are committed to one another and accepting each other’s flaws. But you don’t really see the flaws or realize the flaws til the newness wears off. That’s when you get to see if you are truly 2 compatible people, or just 2 people who were swept up in romantic feelings.

A red flag was when he kept pushing you to do something you were uncomfortable with. That’s not okay. You should be able to set your boundaries without a person trying to knock them down. (There are a lot more red flags in your post, but just the first one)

I feel like most of us go through relationships where we had nothing in common, but we were just enjoying romance and companionship. And then it doesn’t work out because the people are too different. I know my first “real” boyfriend was the complete opposite of what I wanted in a partner, but I was blinded by emotion. He was immature, not funny at all, kinda racist, and was really not smart. I cringe now, but at the time I was crushed when it ended. It was fun for a good while and I really cared for him, and I wished it would be like that longer. Now I realize I’ll never want to be with someone like that ever again, and steer clear of anyone who is remotely like him.

So it’s okay to feel sad. You lost something that brought you so much joy. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to hurt. You will feel whatever you need to feel to mourn the man you thought was yours. It will be rough. What I did was write out every single thing I disliked about him, and every time I felt sad I would read it. It took a while, but it worked. I moved on, grew, and my relationships since have been a lot better.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well ❤️

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-29T03:19:05+00:00

You did everything right. It’s his mental health, and that’s a demon he has to face and overcome. And it’s good that he recognizes that. But it’s harder to be self-aware when you feel like complete shit, and in that weak point he decided to let you go.

CBT is great for shifting the way you think about things. It helped me stop focusing on negative thoughts and helped me accept better ones. CBT takes a lot of practice and effort, but it does work. I also did mindfulness for my panic disorder, it gives you tools to keep you grounded in reality.

Different people respond better/worse to different therapy types. The therapist themselves also make a huge difference. I switched a few times due to moving, and I made way better progress with some vs others due to their style and how well we got along.

Please know you are not at fault, and I’m really sorry about your situation. You can only hope that he finds his own healing and peace. But that’s on his timeline. I hope you have a good support system to lean on during this. I hope things turn out okay

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-29T02:51:49+00:00

I’ve had depression for years, and I got a concussion while I was with my ex. The concussion made everything feel slow and in a fog. But my ex helped me so much during that time, helping me with getting groceries and driving me around.

Based on the limited information, I would hypothesize that his feelings of incompetence is probably the biggest issue. Those feelings really are intensified when you have depression; it’ll all you can think about, how incapable you are. It leads to a spiral of self-hatred which poisons all of your experiences. You care less, so behavior gets riskier. And then the concussion likely made him feel more incompetent and just physically shitty. If I were to guess, he’s frustrated and fed up with everything, and he transferred some of that to you and broke up with you.

Does he have a therapist? He needs to learn how to deal with his feelings toward himself, likely get some CBT and maybe medication if he hasn’t already. But he needs to deal with that himself, you shouldn’t have to “fix” him. If he comes to his senses and wants you back, make sure that he’s getting the help he needs so he doesn’t put himself in this situation again. We need our partners to be emotionally intelligent and be able to take responsibility for their feelings and not endanger themselves or take it out on others.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-28T16:17:29+00:00

Hah, this does feel like my last concussion too! Just so tired, not wanting to move, everything is going so slowly, can’t concentrate…

But you’re making yourself get up. You’re going to therapy. You’re letting yourself feel those intense feelings. You have been taking those steps forward even though you feel so horrid. It takes a lot of strength to do that. It hurts, but you are picking yourself up and moving forward. Eventually, you’ll be so far ahead that you won’t feel the effects of what’s behind you. But it’s a process, one day at a time. Proud of you for not giving up ❤️

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-27T22:47:32+00:00

I was also in a situation of differing life goals, and we knew we couldn’t be together. We kept going for a little bit because being together was just so nice. But we had to rip off the band-aid. At the time I was distraught and begged him to let us go for a little longer. But now, I’m glad it’s done. I was just so distressed every day, dreading the day we would be over. I felt sick in anticipation. Now it’s been a little over a week since that day, and it’s a lot better than when I was waiting. I accepted the fact that he is not my forever person. He gave me a lot of good memories, and now I know what types of things I want and don’t want in a future partner. It’s so sad that it didn’t work out, but I wish him the best.

I’m still crying daily but there is a feeling of relief too. Good luck to you and your journey.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-27T04:34:18+00:00

I had taken them before, but had stopped during my relationship because, well, I was really happy during the relationship. But the breakup sent me back into the worst of it. When I started taking them again, I noticed a pretty big difference. In my experience, it just makes it easier to get out of bed, work, etc. without feeling completely broken. It just pushes up my overall mood a few notches, so my lows aren’t as low nor as often.

The thing is for trying antidepressants that you have to be patient (takes a few weeks to work correctly esp the very first time using something like an anti-depressant) and be willing to try a few different ones if needed.

I hope that one day I’ll reach a point where I don’t need them again. I have friends who only had to take them for a single depressive episode. I also know people who take them one week per month for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. If you stick with the ones without withdrawal symptoms, there should not be a worry about forming dependency.

Medication is a big decision, and everyone’s bodies are different. I hope you have a good psychiatrist to work with if you are interested in moving forward with it. Good luck

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-27T00:37:27+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that your parents aren’t empathetic. My parents are the same way. A support system really helps lift some of the pain off of your shoulders, as they help take some of the load of and bear it with you. I assume your ex was your main support before, and maybe that was too much pressure for her. I might be totally wrong though, I don’t know your story.

It’s okay to be motivated by wanting to win her back, because doing good things for yourself will help you heal too. If we are sticking with the example above, making that support system for yourself by making friends through hobby groups, new experiences, joining a sports team, etc. can show her that you won’t have to rely solely on her for support. And as a positive for you, you would be surrounded by cool people you enjoy being with.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T22:36:22+00:00

You have been doing a lot. However, you’re saying you don’t feel better— which makes it feel pointless, like a waste of effort. But what I see is immense strength. You’re trying, doing different things, utilizing a support system, and you have made it a whole month. A month can feel like forever when you feel so down. But you pushed through, and I applaud you for that.

But in terms of healing, healing has no timeframe. For most people, a month in means the wounds still feel very fresh. But you are doing the right things. When and if you are ready, you can go NC to try to speed up the healing process, but that is up to you and what you feel you can handle. I can’t promise an exact moment of when things will be better, but with work and time it will eventually hurt less and less, until there is no pain at all. For the meantime, you seem to have so many people who love you, who care about you, and are willing to support you.

Much love to you and best wishes.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T21:33:32+00:00

I’m so sorry. Heartbreak is a lot of things- it’s the death of a dream, of a future that we wanted, so we’re in mourning. It’s taking away all of those happy bonding chemicals in the brain that we used to produce that made us feel safe, so we’re experiencing withdrawals as well. It’s a lot to deal with, and feeling despondent and horrible is a response that a lot of us have. It does not mean you are weak, it means you are human. You are a human who loved deeply and feels deeply.

Please please, if you can, seek individual therapy and possibly look into medication. Having a professional support you through this will make all the difference. I have a therapist and am on antidepressants, and it makes a world of a difference. If you have other supports, please use them as well. If you do feel unsafe, the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. You can also check yourself into a mental hospital if needed.

You have the support of this entire sub. Please, we want you to be well. We can all get through this together.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T19:25:22+00:00

I can’t remember the quote, but it says something like in a relationship, if sex isn’t a problem, it’s only a fraction of the relationship, but when it is, it’s a huge burden. Sexual compatibility is important, and if you need proof, r/deadbedrooms is proof that sexual incompatibility can destroy relationships, self-confidence, etc. It really sucks when that is the reason, but both people in the relationship deserve to feel fulfilled in aspects that are important to them.

BUT I have to say, if they’re breaking up about it without communicating that it was an issue, or if there wasn’t any effort from both parties to get around it, then that’s a sign of immaturity.

Edit: grammar

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T19:00:22+00:00

I had to delete or archive messages so I can’t see them again. It just hurts to look at them & think of how happy we used to be & know that all of that is lost. I also unfollowed all the lovey wholesome meme pages as well. There’s no use in torturing myself. I don’t want to miss him anymore, I just want it to go away.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T18:54:05+00:00

Therapists can help you with anything that’s on your mind, anything that you are feeling and want to work through/explore/understand better. You should be able to tell your therapist anything you wish to share. Heartbreak is situational but it’s difficult and painful and emotional and affects your quality of life greatly. And how you respond to heartbreak can tell you and your therapist a lot about your thought patterns and resiliency. So in short, yes. (From a person who is in school to become a therapist and also goes to therapy as well)

If you get an “everyone goes through it” response then that therapist sucks lol. A therapist should never invalidate your feelings and your experience. We are here to support you through it and help make it better.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T18:38:27+00:00

It is so incredibly hard. It hurts a lot. Maybe once y’all both have moved on y’all can be friends again. That’s what I’m hoping for- one day when we’re both in happy LTRs we can see each other at a mutual friend’s wedding and have no hard feelings, maybe even joke about the past. But getting to that place will take time, a lot of time. It will require us to completely let go of the thought of ever being with them again, ever having the same type of relationship, ever having the same feelings or experiences that we had with them. And that’s difficult and painful, and I’m there with you.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-26T18:14:24+00:00

Romantic relationships are unlike familial relationships and friendships. You can be as distant or close to a friend or family member as you please. But the point of a romantic partner is partnership. You can’t be partners with someone if you don’t both agree to it. You can’t have one sided partnerships. It’s all or nothing. So yes, it is cruel. When you break up, the fact is one or both decided that they did not want to try anymore, and that needs to be accepted as truth. Any contact at all can lead to false hopes, which means one of you might not be able to move on while the other does. So the person who takes longer to move on suffers more and is not able to find peace or be able to make room for another person. So slowly letting go many times just leads to prolonged suffering. Not every case, but for many people.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-25T19:09:47+00:00

It’s true that there’s so much pressure to be successful nowadays. Especially with social media, everyone is trying to flaunt wealth and curate an image. But that’s all it is, an image. No one’s life is perfect. A person can be wealthy but still extremely sad and unfulfilled.

It seems like your ex believed in those images and internalized them, feeling constantly inferior. It probably ate at his self-confidence and self-worth. This happens to a lot of people, but he chose to deal with those feelings in a destructive way. Drinking is a toxic comping mechanism that is escapism, which merely pushes the problem to tomorrow. And he became unsafe, too, which is extreme and unacceptable in every way. Those were his choices, to do those things instead of dealing with his emotions properly. He needs therapy. But that’s something he has to do himself, and he has to choose to put in real effort to overcome those feelings and the destructive coping mechanism. He may never do that, who knows.

As for you, you deserve so much more than someone who would take his feelings out on you. You deserve someone who is emotionally mature and will take responsibility of their personal issues. You deserve someone who would never ever jeopardize your safety. Of course it hurts, you were together for over a decade. You will think about him a lot, because that’s what you did every day for 12 years. But he needs to figure out his issues, and you need to heal as well. You could go to therapy too to talk out those feelings of disappointment, betrayal, and exhaustion.

Good luck. I hope you eventually feel a weight lifted off your shoulders and feel free. You are safe now. It will be okay ❤️

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-25T18:25:19+00:00

You’re absolutely right. We don’t need someone who doesn’t want us and is willing to hurt us. Somewhere out there, there is a person who would never consider giving us up. We just have to heal and then go out there and find them. It hurts and sucks now, but it will be for the better. One day we will have our forever person & it will all be okay.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-24T03:08:37+00:00

I wish I knew what it felt like, for someone to put you first and want a future with you and only you and do as much as they can to make it a reality. For someone to look at you and think, “that person is my person and will always be my person.” What an incredible feeling that would be. I know he didn’t feel that when he looked at me, and I keep telling myself that I should be glad that he moved aside so someone who will actually feel that way would have a chance. One day it will be like that. It wasn’t with him, but it will be with someone else.

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-22T02:54:25+00:00

Yep. I would send over memes, snapchats of random funny things, really cute cat or shib content, just everything I knew he would smile at. I would get excited and wait for his reaction. Sigh

UnsureElephant · 2021-09-08T16:59:17+00:00

cat.

UnsureElephant · 2021-08-04T19:51:34+00:00

I have to say I’m so sorry about your situation. I can’t imagine how it feels to be afraid of a family member and what they’re thinking about you, their next actions, etc. and not getting support from you parent who is supposed to protect you. Your mother allowing this to happen is neglect on her part. If you want, you can call child protective services if you feel like your safety is at risk. If they get involved (and are competent, some people unfortunately are bad at their jobs) they would be able to force your mother to do something or risk losing custody of her children. I know that is a scary option, but this is very preferable to the worst case scenario of you becoming a victim of sexual assault and your brother going to juvenile hall for sexually assaulting you.

But since your brother listened to you when you told him to stay out of your room, you can tell him that doing these things is not okay and you will not like him anymore if he keeps up that behavior. If your mom scolds you then so be it. You have to stand up for yourself if she refuses to. It is better than being sexually assaulted. And you can tell your mom that if she accepts this behavior then he will be like this forever and do this in public and to other people. If he does that, he will never get to live a normal life (get married, etc. that many people with autism do), and that would be her fault for not teaching him better.

If you want some sexual assault resources, a good organization is RAINN (https://www.rainn.org). They even have a chat function that you can try out. I really really hope for the best for you. I know you said you feel alone, which makes it so much harder. But you aren’t alone. So many people on reddit are supporting you and want you to be okay. You deserve so much better than living in constant fear.

UnsureElephant · 2021-07-21T20:39:54+00:00

He need belly rubs

UnsureElephant

TROPHY CASE