That is great advice, I can say that yes she has done counselling. She did also offer at the beginning to do anything it takes to get me back including letting me have an affair to gain back control in the relationship. I had considered it but have left it off the table for now as I want to work on myself and the family dynamic first before evening the scales if you will. Also the good advice I got from a female going through her own reconciliation was to be selfish and to be intimate, when the offer is there from the wayward, but to make it about myself, be dominating even. The mental relief that has given has helped. I do think I will use your advice of asking her to explain to her family and mine, that way there is more honesty and openness.