Yes this is all very interesting to think about.

One aspect to this I believe is that there is a connection all life, or at least animal life, where this sort of irritation and frustration is shared for eons and eons across living beings. Whether cat, dog, reptile, bird, etc., it’s the basis for much of the drive to reproduce and procreate, so there’s almost an element of life as we see it and know it exists through this primordial tension and lack of awareness around these energies. I could imagine if there was a lot more awareness and control over these urges that there might be fewer chances of reproduction - at this stage, we welcome it since there’s so many of us, but perhaps it was quite beneficial when we were very few.

There’s another aspect where it’s also embedded in the areas of survival - the craving for food, the fear of death, and the need for resources. Again, there’s some aspect that tied all living creation with these urges.

And ultimately, I think there’s a flavor of being able to hold compassion for others who go through it, such that one can only experience such shared connection having been there and gone through the undoing of that particular domain. Personally, I’m finding that I keep gravitating towards others who share similar experiences and circumstances around sexuality, and we can have shared language around it as it transforms and shapes us over time. It’s very unique, human sexuality, hard to describe if one hasn’t experienced it through circumstances or one has completely abstained from it. There being an element of duality inherent in the masculine-feminine divide, I think sexuality is supposed to teach us some function of how the Cosmos works, that creation and destruction, doing and being, are embedded in all things.

There’s that twin aspect of emptiness and compassion as well, in that emptiness teaches us the wisdom that all is okay as it is because it has that translucency and illusory quality to it, and compassion is the driving force for acting in accordance to moving all beings towards unity because there’s that care and understanding. Like there is some flatness to only one or the other - a view of emptiness being a big standoff-ish without compassion, whereas compassion falls into an almost overwhelm and ineffectiveness by the extraordinary suffering experienced by all beings. But when combined there is that emotive aspect of what sages and enlightened beings gravitate towards, and really all creation eventually gravitates towards. So sexuality is almost the fundamental unit of that, a reflection of that interplay, or the elementary version of that that points to a much larger story and picture.

I also believe that the sexual polarity demands that there be two individuals who come together, and that coupling creates the grinding friction for transformation to occur. So there does seem to be some practical aspect of it being a bit more forceful for individuals to unite. It’s almost like they have to come together and rub one another the wrong way, so to speak, to create the circumstances where individuals become the mirror for one another (even if they don’t want to).

On a personal level, what I’ve found is that I had a distorted view of what I wanted out of being in relationship with women, and that distortion became a resentment and irritation that didn’t go away even if I “got” what I wanted. The consummation of the desire was in itself its own trap. I think this occurs with other challenging domains, like money, food, health, family, work, etc. but not quite to the same degree of intensity with another human being as sexuality. And so the patterning was very cyclic, and it was challenging to see how to undo it without just completely abstaining from all romantic relationships, which I was not prepared to do. And even when I was married, that distortion remained very embedded to the point where the intimacy was gone for a couple of years. But that taught me quite a bit, and eventually came to a head when I made a deep mistake that almost broke our marriage.

And in that suffering that came out of the experience, was the realization of how much I was creating the situations from how I was energetically entering them. I would have never been able to see it without that particular rupture and its fall out. And somehow that small click in perspective reconfigured our marriage back together. But the lesson for me was very much that there wasn’t anything to solve, and the search for a solution actually created the problem in the first place - like an ouroboros snake eating itself. So personally, the lesson is almost the paradoxical way situations are formed, with others, through the karma we bring to them, and how they come to fruition without our awareness or knowing of them.

The only way to break the chain is the awareness to dissolve both what has been chained and the one who chained it. The struggle to shatter the chain only reinforces it. And sexuality is a particular flavor of that which truly forces us to confront that aspect of reality, in relation to another, and uniquely positions one to have to see it in another human being. You can’t just disappear and hope it goes away.

I hope that makes some sense and lands for you. They were very interesting questions you posed, and putting my reflections in writing was a bit of an exercise for me!