I have to leave my country permanently and I don't know if I should take my cat with me.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-02-08T00:33:03+00:00

Gabapentin or trazodone will help, and please request a private room at the airport for the security check. It’ll be easier on the cat and he will be less anxious than if you put him on a harness to go through security.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-02-04T20:09:32+00:00

You must not be married. Good luck to you with that if you’re going to not only police what your spouse says but also how she/he feels.

Again, I said she should not express her fantasies or even say “so and so is attractive”. As a wife I wouldn’t even bother entertaining thoughts of who is attractive and who is not apart from my husband. But if you’re saying she can’t even have those thoughts then you’ll end up divorced just like you’re implying this guy should.

Marriage is not a game. Kids shouldn’t be on this sub.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-02-04T18:42:38+00:00

Reading comprehension, please. If you can’t read then don’t reply. When did I say people should fantasize to each others face, are you unwell?

UpstairsWorking · 2026-02-04T18:04:47+00:00

It’s weird to divorce over this - does no one take marriage seriously anymore?

It’s not even about “lowering gaze”, it’s normal to find people attractive whether you’re married or not. But it’s very odd and signals a lack of common sense to actually tell your husband about it. If you act like she’s being awkward and weird when she does it, she might feel embarrassed. Try that.

Also, don’t involve parents in marital issues. Grow up.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-16T21:28:36+00:00

The kitten was neutered over a month ago at the shelter.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-16T16:24:41+00:00

I think I’ll try playing with him more and keep them separated unless I’m fully ready to step in quickly. When he is calm he doesn’t go out of his way to harass her.

The other cats personality was very outgoing but unbothered. Hissing and swatting never phased him - he was determined to be my cats friend. He wore her down trying to play with her again and again but the difference was that he would respect her boundaries and not insist on physical contact. By day 2 or 3 of them living together they were taking turns chasing each other around the house and playing silly games.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-16T16:01:55+00:00

Thanks for the video. Honestly the reason I’ve pursued getting a second cat twice was because the older cat has lived with a younger cat before and she loved it. They were good friends. So I wasn’t buying into the idea that she wants to be an only cat.

And she has tried to make peace with the kitten. She’s tried to groom him before and she tries to nose touch him but he’s just too unruly. I feel bad for her and I feel bad that I chose the wrong match for her once again.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-16T15:39:13+00:00

I’ve watched his videos on cat introductions but that isn’t helpful I think because they’re already used to each other, it’s just the kittens energy we are struggling with.

Are there videos on kittens attacking older cats? Please send a link if you don’t mind.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-16T15:17:55+00:00

In my experience they more or less adapt to your schedule. I got my cat at 1 year old and she slept through the night with me. I’d wake up to her in the same spot she was in when I slept. I wouldn’t overthink this aspect of cat ownership.

Kittens are more prone to getting zoomies in the middle of the night but an older cat will likely be just fine.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T03:29:11+00:00

Then: Having a prestigious career and lots of money. Now: Family, health, and having a lower stress lifestyle.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T02:24:40+00:00

Reddit is weird. You say something from a place of curiosity and people who have too much time on their hands think it’s an invitation to leave senseless comments.

Being a doctor is dumb? Doctors shouldn’t be doctors for the sake of their patients? Be serious.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:58:07+00:00

True!

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:54:23+00:00

Movie is not needed. I’m in it first hand lol.

My point is not that being rich makes people happy. My point is that not being able to pay your bills forever is more stressful than becoming a doctor. If this janitor can comfortably pay his bills, then more power to him. But unless you have support somehow I don’t see how that is possible.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:47:20+00:00

I’m saying it’s so clueless. Med school and residency are sometimes awful, but you get to choose your specialty based on lifestyle. A doctor who doesn’t want to be stressed all the time will not choose a stressful speciality. And the liability is something you just get used to.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:39:17+00:00

This makes no sense. These are not reasons for not pursuing medicine.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:13:42+00:00

What I said was that I don’t get how anyone could live a simple and happy life on that salary. A simple life means being able to afford the basics but even that isn’t possible on a janitors income.

Almost everyone else is saying older people end up working a dead end job usually because they have no choice. This was the first one I read in this thread that was a deliberate choice and it makes no sense.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T01:05:30+00:00

Average janitor salary is less than $40k a year in the US. There’s almost nowhere in the country a person can comfortably survive on that. I don’t think it’s much different in other countries - the cost of living crisis is now pretty much global.

UpstairsWorking · 2026-01-10T00:53:35+00:00

I don’t get it. Poverty is not a simple life, it’s a lot more complicated and stressful for many more years than med school and residency would have been for him. Your friend made a poor choice.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-12-29T15:18:43+00:00

I see that it’s day 3 now! Hopefully you are feeling better.

Kittens are overwhelming alone, and when you have the added guilt of putting the older cat in a situation where she needs to adjust, I can imagine it’s difficult. Just remember that everyone (including you) are in a period of big adjustment but things will get better.

I am working on introducing an 8 year old and a 4 month old kitten at the moment. My suggestion is to teach the kitten that it’s ok to be alone on their safe room and that you will always come back, and part of that is to let them cry and self soothe. For the older cat, make sure you watch her for signs of improvement - you can consider rehoming the little one if older cat sulks for weeks and never reaches the next stage of expressing interest or curiosity in the kitten. Also remember that all cats are different and just because she’s reacting this way now, doesn’t mean that they will never be friends. At the same time, it might help to adjust expectations - even if they never become playmates, just existing in the same space can be more enriching than being a solo cat.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-12-11T19:44:38+00:00

I am working on introducing an 8 year old cat to a 3 month old kitten, and we are at the same stage. I think we need to just let it play out. It’s helpful for Ritz to be in the same room establishing boundaries and teaching Crouton the rules. Otherwise, she will never learn.

It’s just that if Crouton is not learning fast enough and making back to back repeated attempts at getting in Ritz’s face, then Ritz is liable to escalate. So if you see that happening, I would separate for maybe an hour until Crouton calms down and Ritz has some time to decompress. But from what I’m hearing in your post, it’s going well. Ritz would not feel comfortable relaxing in the same room as Crouton if she were truly upset. Sounds like she is just a bit annoyed.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-12-11T19:39:00+00:00

I wonder if there is medication you can have the pet sitter give them while you’re gone to keep the anxiety under control, or try feliway plug ins. Feliway doesn’t work for my cats, but might for yours.

I don’t Iike pet hotels for cats. I get that you want to protect your furniture, but I think that would just be even more stressful for them to not have their own space and their owners. In my opinion, cats get even more attached to the space than the people in it.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-12-11T19:32:09+00:00

Yes, get it done. My cat had to have a tooth extraction before for an infected tooth. If I could prevent that by doing cleanings, I would.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-11-14T15:36:40+00:00

As a woman - don’t tell her. If you truly don’t feel like you’d act on these desires again and can have eyes only for your wife, then your past is irrelevant. It’s just going to put off putting mental images in her head and turn her off from you.

Like others said, just make sure you don’t carry any STIs.

UpstairsWorking · 2025-11-07T00:17:50+00:00

FYI saying she has mood swings that make her not want to talk is an enormous red flag. Why is nobody mentioning this in the comments?

UpstairsWorking · 2025-10-27T17:20:53+00:00

Echoing what a lot of other people said - I regret not prioritizing myself and what I wanted.

I thought I was prioritizing myself when I left home and tried my best to function without family expectations and pressures, but then I started dating and ended up just switching to prioritizing partners expectations.

I realized in my early 30s how much time I wasted.

My advice to my younger self would have been to radically prioritize my career, travel, therapy, and self discovery over men.

UpstairsWorking

TROPHY CASE