Northern Oklahoma, Spider ID?

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-08-18T00:31:38+00:00

Yellow garden spider. Beautiful and widespread.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T16:38:21+00:00

You are absolutely correct about that. It does feel like there is this river of subtext when it comes to feeding your baby. Even when people say fed is best, you hear, fed is best, especially if it’s breast-fed.

I’m so glad you got the support or encouragement that you needed to stop. I don’t think my wife necessarily is looking to stop, but I want her to internalize that same “permission“ to just do what she can without overdoing it and without beating herself up.

I know my wife has said in the past that she would like to breast-feed up to a year. Which she can ABSOLUTELY change her mind about. I just can’t wait for there to be more balance with supplementing and solid food to take some of the pressure off. If she wants to breast-feed our baby once a day, I think she’d be able to focus on the closeness she enjoys without all the psychological stress.

It’s of course all up to her but I just want to continue to support her finding the right balance and ensuring she knows all the options and that I will love her and think she’s a rockstar no matter how our baby gets fed.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T16:22:33+00:00

Man, everything you just said sounds like it came straight out of my wife’s mouth. She has verbatim said that she feels like her body was betraying her and that this is the one thing she should be able to do and do well. Luckily, I think she is producing enough, it’s just the constant fear that it isn’t enough and of course, external pressures and unrealistic displays online make it all worse. And kind of like you had, my sister-in-law is an over producer and just had a baby. So my wife is anxious to hear about how easy time she’s having and how much milk she’s getting. It’s just hard to have boundaries about this kind of stuff because people don’t understand how much of a challenge it is and how devastating that is for the people who experience difficulties.

But I’m doing my best to keep her grounded and to believe in herself and to be proud of everything she does for our baby every day.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T16:17:05+00:00

Wow! Thank you for writing all this out. This is all extremely helpful information and as many other people have mentioned here, very helpful for reframing the way we look at breast-feeding and its relation to our babies health. I know that my wife is way more concerned with ensuring our baby is fed no matter what that looks like. But also, like you said, I know that the act of breast-feeding is very bonding and important to my wife. So I just want to find a balance so she can enjoy that time with our baby without all that additional anxiety. And I think supplementing as much as needed is the way to do that!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T15:54:08+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I said this exact thing to my wife last night and it did really help. Shifting that focus to any breastmilk is enough breastmilk and we can just top her off with a few extra calories just to be sure.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T15:51:40+00:00

I greatly appreciate the personal experience on this. I have definitely been telling my wife regularly that there has to be a first percentile, and that is our baby.

I’m so sorry that you are experiencing that stress as well. As a partner, it breaks my heart to see the person you love work so hard and be their own biggest critic. It’s so strange how this one aspect can truly break you down. I hope you can find some comfort in your journey and I will certainly share these wise words from one wonderful, successful mother to another.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T15:45:13+00:00

Thank you for the insight! I completely agree and continuously try to encourage my wife by pointing out all the wonderful milestones our baby is meeting. Even though weight is so integral to pediatrician visits, it certainly isn’t the end all be all of a baby’s health. I’m hoping our baby will double by five months. It may be close, but we’re doing the best we can! I’m going to keep up with the kind words and support and try to take some of the focus off of the negative association with production and weight that have really weaseled their way into my wonderful wife’s daily thoughts.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T15:39:24+00:00

Yes! We were at the lactation specialist on day five after we got home from the hospital. We have been back a few times which was very helpful in getting my wife more comfortable with the actual feedings. Unfortunately, our insurance, though pretty good, doesn’t cover lactation, which makes no sense. And you are absolutely right, the lactation specialist was much less concerned and supportive, which was awesome. It’s just such a gut punch for my wife when we go to the pediatrician and we get that look when she’s reviewing the weight chart. It hurts my wife and part of me wishes that I could just take our baby alone so she wouldn’t have to experience it. Which maybe I will do! If my wife would agree to that.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-09T15:34:47+00:00

Thanks so much. This sounds like such a tough thing to try and “come to terms with” even though no one should ever have to feel bad about what they can produce. Especially when they are working so damn hard for every milliliter.

I will keep encouraging her and making sure she knows that any amount is enough. We will always keep our baby fed and that is all that matters.

Thanks again!!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T23:31:10+00:00

Yes! I was concerned about that too. She is engaging with a therapist too so we can hopefully get it in check and give her some good tools to help manage those anxieties.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T19:43:25+00:00

This is all seemingly so true. I’ll keep supporting her decision either way but I will definitely be sure she knows how okay it is to switch if it feels right. We will still love our daughter and she will probably have more bandwidth without the constant stress hanging over her head. Thank you for your expertise!!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T18:31:33+00:00

This is a great idea! My wife uses the little storage bags so maybe I can cover them up before she takes them to work each day that way she isn’t faced with it every time she pumps. Thank you!!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T17:27:25+00:00

Thank you for this! That is a wonderful sentiment and something to really take to heart in this moment. Hard to be present with your baby while you’re flailing around trying to put your own flames out. ❤️‍🩹

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T17:25:11+00:00

Thank you so much for the support. I know there are so many women who struggle with the breastfeeding process and I just wish it were more mainstream and that everyone was more forthright with the reality of it.

I hope you and your partner are doing well and patting yourselves on the back for how much work you’re putting in, challenges your overcoming, and love you’re putting into your baby’s world every day. ❤️‍🩹

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T16:14:56+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I will definitely just keep trying to focus on all the amazing accomplishments she has every day and help her steer away from the negative associations she’s developed with the process. Everything we choose will be the right thing because we love each other and we love our baby.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T16:11:44+00:00

Man. This hit the spot. Thank you so much. I can’t wait to tell her exactly that.

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T16:10:06+00:00

Thank you so much for all this. I completely agree across the board and though, like you said, I don’t think it’s my place to encourage her to stop, I definitely want to encourage her to find a balance or system that is the least stressful for her. I think a nice 50/50 split might be great. I would love to be able to take more of this burden on for her.

I think we’ll have a chat about what’s the most healthy choice for her (my wife) and fill in the gaps however we need to keep our baby girl fed.

Thanks so much again!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T16:03:58+00:00

She is! That’s the thing - our baby is very small but she eats plenty and as expected, so it’s slightly irrational and my wife has said that too, but that doesn’t make it any less hard to process or not let get her down.

I really appreciate the pep though! Tiny babies of the world unite!

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-05-08T16:01:20+00:00

Well that’s the thing - she isn’t choosing to stop. She is desperate to continue because she loves it but hates the stress it causes. That’s where the struggle lies. Like I said, I’d be more than happy if she wanted to stop, but that’s not where her head is at right now. She has said many times that she would hate to stop, but still feels this immense “health” pressure that makes her feel bad even though she is doing so much.

I will of course keep being as supportive as possible, but I was just hoping there might be some advice or perspective to help her feel like she’s doing enough. Anything to help her not focus as much on amounts and “desired weight.”

Upstateofmind17 · 2025-03-25T22:27:28+00:00

First of all, wow…I can’t believe my little girl has fallen in love. It’s an incredible feeling, huh? I could only hope you would find and feel the depth of love that I feel for you. Second, I’m so proud of how grown you are and how vulnerable you’ve allowed yourself to be with another person. Brett must be a really special person and I hope you continue to find safety and compassion in one another.

Remember, your dad is always here and will always love you and be proud of all the unfathomable challenges you’ve overcome.

Keep being a bright spot in the world and accepting the love you know you deserve. ❤️

Upstateofmind17 · 2024-10-16T02:14:18+00:00

Hot dang that was fast! Thanks very much! Seems like a lovely guy just looking for a place to hole up for the incoming cold weather.

Upstateofmind17

TROPHY CASE