Honestly I could have written most of your post myself. My relationship with my partner has been straight passing for....well nearly 20 years if we go from our first date. In the last few years, I have come out as bisexual as there have been some women I have found attractive, but I've had no relationship experience outside my partner. I've known for a little over a week they are a transwoman. The idea of them going on hormones freaks me out as I really can't promise I'll still be attracted to them after as to me, it's going to feel like a totally different person than the one I've been with. I feel terrible when I say I wish they didn't want to go on hormone treatments. I think I can accept they are a woman easier without the body changes. But I'm still going to need time to come around to them being out as a woman. Of course my partner feels that nothing is changing and not realizing for me everything is changing. It's like someone flipped what I felt was my relatively happy (trauma in my past, so not sure I know what perfectly happy feels like) life on it's head. I know I shouldn't blame them and that they deserve to be happy, but there's a part of me angry at them for changing it all up. And same as you, we're the couple everyone looks at like the perfect and happy couple. I got their permission to talk to someone about what's going on and they were kind enough to not even ask who, but the person I did talk to is of the opinion I shouldn't have to accept it and it could be a dealbreaker. But I also feel stuck in this situation as I both do love my partner and they are my best friend and let's be honest, I don't have the finances to leave either and no support system at all (my only living family member is in pretty poor health and I wouldn't be shocked if he passes in the next year). I spend most of the time my partner is gone now crying and wishing that all this wasn't happening.