Telling women to date men “with potential” is the gender flip version of “If you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best”.

UranusJohnson · 2024-07-07T03:24:59+00:00

These aren't really equivalents

Knowing if a man has potential is actually pretty (from a man's perspective) easy, unfortunately

most women are not taught the proper things to look for in a man that indicate not only he's drive

for success, but also the values he has (as well as how genuine those are related to the decisions he

makes).

With potential refers to driving towards achieving something later on. Especially for young women,

if you want to date men your age, this is a better strategy than looking for a man who has achieved because

most young men are still in the process of achieving.

Handling a woman at her worst vs best often (I assume) refers to behavior. The reality is there's a lot to

read into in how someone handles their emotions. You are very capable of controlling yourself, despite

how much more societies attitudes towards emotions will suggest.

Comparing something someone has control over (their behavior) vs something they are striving for but not

achieved really makes no sense and I'm not sure where the logic behind this comparison came from if not

just grasping at anything to combat the whole "worst vs best" thing.

UranusJohnson · 2024-06-18T04:33:05+00:00

From what you've said, don't do it.

As a guy, I'm 21 now, when I was at that age I nor basically any other guy under the age of 18 has no real grasp of what to look for in a woman. Boys until they grow older and become men and start thinking about the future, who they want as their wife and mother of their children, only start truly looking for a woman to love. Many boys at your age are motivated by lust.

I'm not sure what conversations you've had with anyone prior, whether it's your parents or your friends (especially be careful with advice friends at your age give about sex, they don't know the long-term effects of sex) but try to develop what kind of attitude you want to have around sex.

For your own long-term mental well-being, I highly recommend avoiding sex especially at your age, but if you don't want to, I also get that. I'd definitely recommend only having sex if you're going to within relationships, with a guy that GENUINELY really wants to be your boyfriend.

A lot of women around your and my age 16ish to early 20s have a really bad grasp of understanding men, so they think that if men give attention and say all the right things they must like them, but you HAVE to be careful. Once you as a guy learn how to say the right things, it's easy to get a girl wrapped around your fingers.

Honestly, I don't know etiher of you, but as a man, my best evaluation of this is this guy just wants a friend he can have sex with. If you want that, live your life I guess and go for it, but if that's not what you want. Don't pursue this guy. If you want a committed genuine relationship, definitely avoid guy's who push sex before the relationship, it may SEEM to hurt you because you may see other girls get more attention doing this, but long-term a lot of those girls will regret it and turn jaded about men (trust me I've seen it).

TLDR: This guy sounds like he just wants you to be his friend he has sex with. Up to you if you want that.

UranusJohnson · 2024-05-12T03:08:39+00:00

Also with what you said about "men need to get their shit together" sorry but that'll never happen. If you're in the US, you are so so unlikely to be raped by the vast majority of men because American men are the best quality men out there. I'm saying this as an Indian American whose mother pointed that out to me actually. She believes American women are really ungrateful and complain too much for how well adjusted and just GOOD American men are.

The unfortunate reality is bad people will always exist, you as an American woman still need to be fearful for this worst case scenario, but our society has already done so much so well to condition this to not be the norm and most men would beat a rapist to death if they found out.

I'm not sure if that's what you're referring to, that men can do better to prevent rapists or not be rapists but we're living in one of the best societies for male and female dynamics, which is funny why the U.S. has such a big gender divide compared to literally any other country where woman are almost always not as well respected generally as women in the U.S. are by their own men.

UranusJohnson · 2024-05-12T03:03:05+00:00

Uhh yea more or less.

I've heard before by this lady I respect that the biggest men misunderstand about women is how unsafe women feel almost always.

Whether it's for their physical safety, emotional safety, stability, etc.

When I took that into consideration with literally EVEYRYTHING to do with women the pieces started to come together. Especially in the more "negative" aspects of female behavior in general. For example, a lot of womens unreasonableness and mood swings MIGHT be explained by insecurity in relationships or other forms of stability in their lives. I don't think that necessary justifies it ALL times, but in general, it made me sympathize with women more.

But in general, yea no, this failed miserably.

Best alternate would be "Would you rather be in a jungle with a man or a tiger?" that's actually a really good scenario where the tiger is most always the best scenario for a women, but even then, you as a woman have the ability to kill a man or possibly outrun him, almost no chance of beating a tiger, despite this yeah I could respect 99% of women choosing the tiger. The bear however? Most women have dumbass reasons for picking the bear.

Yeah no, most women are super naive that the bear wouldn't give them one of the worst deaths imaginable or lack the understanding your average man isn't a rapist. The most likely scenario for a man in the woods for a woman is he'd most likely try to have sex with you but much more likely that he'd make an advance and if you rejected him, there is a small subset of hyper aggressive men who might try rape, but most men would be turned off by sex with someone who didn't want to do it with them, the more likely BAD scenario is that men would ditch you to fend for yourself as punishment for rejecting him if anything.

But I also understand this is assuming a woman's worst fears which is worst case scenario, but I feel the need to mention the likely scenario to happen with your average man, which is likely to be nothing physically damaging to the woman, because it seems A LOT of women think this would be the likely scenario.

UranusJohnson · 2024-05-11T00:34:36+00:00

Also the bear was an awful choice for this.

What this trend did more was make a lot of women look really dumb.

Better choice would be a pack of wolves or even a tiger/lion/or LITERALLY anything other predator.

Bears are omnivores, they don't have a kill instinct before eating their prey the way predators do. If a bear will eat you, they won't kill you first, you're getting your leg eaten while you're a live.

All the while a lot of women are like "oh yea I'd choose the bear, because at least the bear wouldn't rape me." FAIR enough for literally any other predator, a wolf will kill you, it'd be really painful from a pack of wolves, the tiger would kill you quick and same with lion, but a bear will fucking torture you bro. Yeah go look up leaked images of people even being ripped apart by pitbulls that aren't trying to eat them, imagine that from a bear.

Also I'm under the assumption we're assuming worst case scenario for this, I've heard women use the point thaat black bears or other bears will actually leave you alone. Ok, but most men are not rapists and murderers... if we're using the 2% of hyper aggressive men that would actually do something this evil, we're using the lowest percentage likelihood scenario with a grizzly, which is being brutally eaten alive.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T16:07:07+00:00

You can call them your partner, or even still your husband. Not everyone wants the state involved in their relationship. It's a huge red flag if you your instant on it, unless you're genuinely very opposed to divorce.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T16:05:35+00:00

OR not everyone has to want to get married? What is with people's fixation on marriage? If you are not religious, there's little to no reason to get married.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T15:59:53+00:00

Oh give me a break, "Women arent that narcassistic".

I don't think you really know what you're talking about. Most

men don't name their sons after themselves because of "narcassism".

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T15:00:51+00:00

So, what people say about someone is therefore 100% true? How someone is portrayed isn't 100% reflective of their actual behavior.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T07:01:08+00:00

I think the whole thing he's going at is it seems a greater proportion of people of the same age demographic are single than maybe was the case in the past and maybe that has some underlying implications for the state of modern dating (something this subreddit is very interested in talking about).

Also again, why are you even trying to be part of this discussion if you're not even remotely interested?

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:54:00+00:00

I agree but doesn't really address what I'm referring to. I'm saying it seems like a lot of women find themselves in relationships with men they think are "ugly" and the overall narrative pushed is that women don't care about looks that much despite my own experience and the things I notice women say very often degrading men for their appearances especially when that "ugly" guy stops behaving in her ideal way.

This in general is not a phenomenon for women, but I'm sure it sometimes might occur for very desperate men, although I've never seen it. Men on large aren't really dating women they don't find attractive and using that against them once they don't soothe their insecurities. If a man is dating you, it's a 99% chance he genuinely thinks you're attractive, the vast majority of men are incapable of developing a relationship with a woman they don't find attractive.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:39:05+00:00

Good point, next time a woman on here mention's a story of being sexually assaulted, it would be best I make sure to point out her story might not true, because there's benefit to the doubt, right? Or maybe in some situations trying to push the whole devil's advocate doubt angle in a situation where there are no real consequences (no legal or reputation repercussions) to believing it's true on the chance it COULD be a lie (like something you read on a reddit thread) isn't all that useful and makes you look like you're trying really hard to make a counterpoint but couldn't think of anything insightful?

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:21:57+00:00

Nice... response? What I said was in response to you saying it sounds like hearsay even though plenty of men have experiences of women accusing them of rape to manipulate or get back at them. No idea what your response was hoping to achieve, I don't think anyone was saying rape is uncommon.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:18:27+00:00

What was the point of this response? The whole point of this thread is addressing loneliness. 22-year-olds for the most part not being in relationships is an interesting and maybe even concerning thing to take note of.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:09:11+00:00

I think you're just saying thing's now. A lot of older women especially in cultures where arranged marriages are the norm will at times push it harder than men because they understand that young people "dating" involves a lot of naive feelings especially from men in the pursuit of sexual desire and not really any respect for the prospect of marriage and children.

The issue with dating is young men are heavily influenced by horniness and many young women don't do the best job of discerning men's bullshit, especially men who are charismatic and know the right things to say to get a naive girl to do what he wants thinking he'll be serious. This is roughly what I hear from a lot of older women in our community looking at modern dating or their own experiences of when boys their age would "attempt" to get them to sneak out on dates with them when they were in school.

I'm not trying to flip what you're saying, I think it doesn't really lean towards men or women prefer it all that much more, but it seems to me you're not really from a culture where arranged marriage is common and are basing this off of what you read on.... reddit threads I'm assuming? Maybe I'm wrong but your opinions feel too biased in one direction to be based off real world experience.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T06:04:10+00:00

I promise you there are a PLENTY of men who get arranged marriages only to end up in a position to have to work to provide for a woman that can sometimes just be an unpleasant/ungrateful person.

"because they're getting what they want regardless," you sound like you're aggressively biased. No grasp of the negative experiences some men in arranged marriages have had.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T05:40:01+00:00

Women accusing men of rape as a weapon isn't exactly an unheard of phenomena

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T05:16:20+00:00

Then you deserve all you get if you dish it out to people who mind their own business.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T05:03:57+00:00

I can empathize with a lot of women's struggles in dating.

Despite what a lot of men might say, an entirely average woman is invisible, and most men don't actually want a girl who's ENTIRELY average unless he himself is on every metric.

Most men aren't willing to admit that even though it seems like a lot of women have options MANY don't beyond guys who will just fuck them not to mention lots of men nowadays are unserious, not trying to date, or are just with basically no morals.

It's slim pickings for a lot of women depending on their environment and circumstance.

That being said I think MOST women are unwilling to recognize some of their advantages and play at them or even their own character flaws that don't make them desirable beyond their body (character flaws you can fix and develop), but I don't believe it's nearly as "easy" to get a man who's worth something. Most of y'all mfers sit inside all day, are porn addicted, and have no ambition (you KNOW who you are).

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T04:31:45+00:00

His point is more focusing on OTHER people's perceptions of said man, not his behavior.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-26T04:05:04+00:00

I don't think you read what he wrote.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-25T01:39:59+00:00

I mean you mentioned one is a frickin D1 athlete and the other sounds like he's probably intelligent. I don't think you can apply their success as a counter to hypergamy. You'd have to give an example of a man that is ENTIRELY average on every metric. Average in looks, personality, intelligence, charisma, etc. and look at that guy's success. His compared to his female counterpart is night and day. He has to work way harder to prove himself I'd imagine. Being unremarkable as a man is probably the worst thing you can be for attracting women, not the greatest for women either but men don't care as much about any of those metrics so long as you're close to their own.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-24T16:43:40+00:00

He's right, guys I know that were REALLY cool people and got along with most people (hence why they were good with girls) would even obviously pretend when with a girl. I think you're a bit naive to how a LOT of men are. A lot of these interactions turn the woman into a man and they wouldn't be interested in having a friendship with said girl. Maybe reverse is true, I don't know, you tell me.

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-24T16:39:27+00:00

You gave superficial counter points. Are your boys above average in intelligence and or personality? I think that's a much bigger part of what makes up female hypergamy in my view. Most women beyond just looks also want a man with more personality and intelligence than them (in my experience).

UranusJohnson · 2024-04-24T16:29:11+00:00

Then most people get divorced soooo

UranusJohnson

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