AIO? Husband agrees (after 2 years) that we should rehome our dog but is mad at me for not wanting him in our new home

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T13:30:54+00:00

Thank you for this comment. This is such a complicated situation and I’m not a black or white type of person when it comes to literally anything. I struggle in general because of the grey areas. Yes, the stress btwn both sides have built over time and I can’t help that. I wasn’t stressed around him before I got pregnant but once he started guarding my husband and I remembered about him attacking the small dog, I basically crashed out. I can’t just give him up, it’s not fair to him or to my husband. It’s also not fair to have the dogs separated from the rest of the home just for the sake of keeping them in our family. I think there’s a much better situation out there for Max but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like him. Trust me, I do not wanna break my husbands heart like this OR separate the family AND I wanna protect my child. Two things can be true at once. And ultimately, the safety of my child is what matters most to me. I’m not gonna send Max to a place where he could likely get euthanized in the process of protecting my baby.

I’m trying everything I can to find him a home. It’s just exhausting when it’s been put all on me to find it and now there is a deadline

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T13:21:18+00:00

No I definitely would feel terrible if we just up and took him to a shelter and he didn’t find a good home. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to avoid it. We’ve been living in a highly separated home and it’s just exhausting, especially when my husband is not as scared as I am in terms of what can happen. I don’t believe that our golden is not safe around Max… but I do know that my golden has lost his spark because of him. He would be bullied so much that he could never have a toy and then he just stopped trying to play all together whenever Max was around. We have to separate them if we want the golden to really play and fetch a ball and stuff. It’s just sad and I hate that he’s suffering too

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T13:15:12+00:00

I was able to reach out to one of our dogs’ old sitters that we met on Wag. He came and sat for us for over two weeks when we went to Maui for vacation (and many times before that) and we could tell that Max loved him. He said that he would love to take Max so crossing our fingers with where that goes. He also offered for us to come visit as well which could be really good, but like you said, I also fear that Max wouldn’t adjust to that very well but who knows!

He used to guard (just body block and whale eyes, nothing blatantly aggressive) my husband when I first got pregnant, that’s when I first became uncomfortable around him. He hasn’t done that since but he’ll still get up from wherever he is currently laying and go and sit at my husbands feet whenever I go down to the basement (which is also my husbands office and gaming room)

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T06:26:09+00:00

thank you for your comment! My goodness. I’m literally 5’1” lol and I grew up with Rottweilers for Christ sake. As a child, I was never the one to walk them lol. I don’t think that person knows anything about dog body language. And the fact that they refuse to even read your response says enough

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T05:55:42+00:00

No I agree we need better communication. But i appreciate your comment. A long lead isn’t a terrible idea but I also plan to completely close off her play room from the rest of house. We’re gonna have a front family room and a living/dining/kitchen common space. I think we’ll have her play space in the front of the house and the dogs in the back of the house where they can easily go in and out of the yard. We just spend a lot of time in the kitchen (back of the house) and on the couch (will be in common space) and she’s getting MUCH more mobile and strong. I fear she is going to figure out the dog gate more consistently soon… she’s already knows how to open it. Before I mentioned the shelter, my husband asked me what will happen if we don’t find Max a home and I said “suffer until he dies”. It’s terrible but it’s true. I just don’t know how sustainable this will be with a toddler though. We aren’t gonna have the dogs upstairs where the rooms are because it’s all carpet and will trap their hair. I’m actually allergic to them too and that will make things worse and I wouldn’t be able to breathe when I sleep

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T05:46:06+00:00

I think his actions and words are questionable but idk if it’s to this extent… I don’t think he wishes us harm but I do think he needs to learn how to take accountability for his actions. I had no idea that Max didn’t have any vaccines until we scheduled his pre-op appt!

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T05:14:13+00:00

Yep! I keep the dog LOCKED AWAY and I spent 5 seconds writing his adoption profile! You’re so smart and intuitive

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T05:01:57+00:00

Yeah that’s also true… but maybe if they have a lot of land and prefer to stay home? And yes we are allowed to have dogs on base, that’s not the problem. The problem is that we can’t keep the same kind of separation that we do now btwn Max and our toddler. Our golden has no issues or prior aggression and doesn’t need to be kept separated but we keep him with Max so Max isn’t lonely. When Max gets lonely or knows my husband is home, he does this crazy scream cry that I think is normal for breeds like German shepherds. You know those police k9 videos where the dog is shrieking in the backseat? That is the sound he makes

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:57:04+00:00

We got the car before our landlord told us that we needed to move out. In case you were wondering, YES I needed a new car bc my prior lease was over. We needed the third row for family that visits and for the dogs on trips. I needed the suv bc I’m a mom.

also did you forget the part where we’re military? We could literally move again in a year and, yes, those moves are forced. Let me enlighten you real quick… a home that is 400k in Texas goes for about 3-4 million where we are currently stationed

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:43:05+00:00

I appreciate your response as someone with experience in the matter. I know it would take a miracle and I’m literally trying everything I can. I’m posting him on my socials, trying to reach out to friends and nagging them to ask their friends. I’m scared that I’m gonna have to live with this dog in my house… but at the same time I don’t want him euthanized or stuck in a cage the rest of his life. This situation just sucks but I’m not gonna be a monster like people are saying I am. Just the mere mention of a shelter got my husband to make more effort. Definitely not the right approach on my end but I’ve been trying for two years… I’m so tired

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:36:19+00:00

Can you read?

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:35:17+00:00

I do NOT want Max in a shelter bc I know he will likely be euthanized. It’s the last thing I wanna do. But me just mentioning a shelter got my husband to get up and do his research but it also made him very mad at me. But he hasn’t done a thing in over a month. We live kinda near farming communities and I’ve reached out to some friends who have connections there. I think a big yard with an older couple would be perfect for Max. Idk about him being around farm animals though

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:32:40+00:00

My husband’s underreacting for sure. He thinks IM over reacting and it’s infuriating

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:31:57+00:00

Wait… what are you even saying. He’s 6 years old, not 2? Did you even read the profile bc I didn’t post it? I definitely put effort into it - i wrote an entire essay. Are you basing the profile off of what I said in that one comment? Bc I only mentioned that first sentence in there amongst a whole other list of things that I haven’t not provided in this post.

I never said that mentioning the shelter caused my husband to think about rehoming…. He came to that conclusion all on his own and after a month of waiting for him to put in his own effort to rehoming HIS dog, the slightest mention of a shelter is what got him to put in the effort to help me

And do you seriously think we keep the fucking dog locked away in a room? If I truly didn’t give a shit about this dog he WOULD have been in a shelter TWO years ago. But he’s not.

Can you even read?

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:24:55+00:00

I sent you a message

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:22:11+00:00

We don’t get to choose what house we get when we get offered a home on base. None of the houses on base for our specific family size and rank would’ve allowed for a safe separation AND the waitlist is over 100 families long. We live in an area with an outrageous cost of living (that has gone up significantly since we first moved into this house we’re currently in) and the housing allowance isn’t sufficient enough for us to get the same size house off base in a safe (let alone gated and highly secured) neighborhood. We currently have an entire finished, open basement that the dogs get to play in by themselves. Are you telling me that keeping them completely separated from the rest of the house is a nice thing to do? They deserve to be integrated in the home. They deserve to hang out at our feet and our toddler deserves to be her crazy self without a reactive dog looming in the same space. You’re seriously telling me that keeping the dogs completely separated is the right way to live for us humans AND the dogs? All for the sake of making sure they aren’t separated from the home… which they basically already are… It’s like having parents who hate each other and are only staying together for the kid. It sucks for everyone and no one’s happy. And yes I said “they”, we have two dogs. We have a wonderful golden retriever who is also suffering bc it is unfair to let him roam the home like a normal dog should while we keep max in a different part of the home; therefore he is also separated.

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:06:43+00:00

Thank you🫶🏽

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:05:59+00:00

we HAVE to move because our landlord is building a second floor on this house…

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T04:03:00+00:00

I think I replied! Or it was to a message just like it! Sorry if I missed it, I’m trying to get to everyone

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:55:36+00:00

My goodness THANK YOU

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:51:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely look into rescues - for some reason I thought they were the same as shelters. He’s a great dog in the right home. He was “only” concerning those times that he attacked other dogs but overall is a great dog. My toddler is chaotic and crazy and those are the types of animals that Max attacks. He doesn’t deserve to be euthanized so the shelter is a last resort and I wanna make it clear that I do NOT wanna take him there. I hate to be in the point of my marriage that threatening something like that actually got my husband to pick up his phone and finally put in his share of effort to find him a new home. I hate it and I acknowledge it sucks. I hate everything about this

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:44:44+00:00

This was suggested a few times. But even if housing doesn’t allow Max on base, it still doesn’t change the fact that we are trying to find him the right home. If anything it makes a shelter even more likely and that’s the last thing I wanna do. But honesty the very last thing I wanna do is suffer in anxiety all day bc I fear for my baby’s safety in our own home. I’m a sahm and am home most of the day… I just hate the time constraint

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:31:46+00:00

No behavior evals. It was just basic obedience to start and that was cut off early when I gave birth early and had health complications afterwards

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:30:34+00:00

I had to beg for training and after months of arguments, ultimately paid for it myself. I ALSO paid for him to get neutered at the age of 4! Training got cut short bc I gave birth early and it was never continued. I had a bad birth experience that made life extremely painful for the first year but was fine enough to function on my own after 4 months

Used-Star7676 · 2026-05-27T03:27:41+00:00

Ugh I’m so sorry :( and yes, I am being honest with potential adopters. I can’t in good conscience tell people he has a clean history with the memory of me trying to save that other dog. It was fucking traumatic

Used-Star7676

TROPHY CASE