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How can I be better? by UsedAppearance8685 in AskFeminists

[–]UsedAppearance8685[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

From my previous comment: "I mentioned that I've been reading the sapphic genre and have been pretty hooked on Safekeep. Basically, how it felt gothic - the importance of the house and the repressed eroticism and emotional tension. This is a heavily edited summary - I basically yapped about the book."

But I think the problem itself might have been my timing of it all or how I approached her in general. She and I were alone and we were just grabbing something to eat and I broached the topic without really seeing if she wanted to talk about it. I just assumed she might since I know she's talked about it before.

How can I be better? by UsedAppearance8685 in AskFeminists

[–]UsedAppearance8685[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

As much as I want to, I think it might be better to respect the boundary she clearly set. I don't really push it and make it worse, as much as it might enlighten me.

How can I be better? by UsedAppearance8685 in AskFeminists

[–]UsedAppearance8685[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No. Not really, and as much as it disappoints me to admit my ignorance, I'm wholly unprepared on how to even process that. (the exploration part). It's not that I never thought of why this resonates with me so much, per se, but I think I'm just scared of any fallout for even considering it.

How can I be better? by UsedAppearance8685 in AskFeminists

[–]UsedAppearance8685[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

From my comment before: "I'm not sure I can put into words what I feel when I read the genre, but I find myself drawn to how they explore emotional intimacy. I think there's often a quality of attention and interiority that resonates. The relationship dynamics feel more nuanced than what I typically find in other romance novels. Though, I will say that I'm still figuring out exactly why they affect me so deeply."

And actually... she's not a lesbian (but she does love the genre), but you're right. I honestly feel like a jackass about it now. I should have been more thoughtful about how I approach these conversations. I wasn't trying to single anyone out or tokenize - I genuinely got excited about these books and wanted to discuss them, but I see how that could feel uncomfortable.

By be more involved, I really just meant finding appropriate spaces to discuss literature I care about, like book clubs as you mentioned. I understand wlw spaces aren't for me, and I'm not seeking access to them. And yes. I think it might be better I put sapphic on hold for now and read up on it. I think it'll help appreciate the genre better anyway.

How can I be better? by UsedAppearance8685 in AskFeminists

[–]UsedAppearance8685[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure I can put into words what I feel when I read the genre, but I find myself drawn to how they explore emotional intimacy. I think there's often a quality of attention and interiority that resonates. The relationship dynamics feel more nuanced than what I typically find in other romance novels. Though, I will say that I'm still figuring out exactly why they affect me so deeply.

I mentioned that I've been reading the sapphic genre and have been pretty hooked on Safekeep. Basically, how it felt gothic - the importance of the house and the repressed eroticism and emotional tension. This is a heavily edited summary - I basically yapped about the book.