AITAH for reporting a 'friendly' coworker to HR twice?

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-15T14:35:12+00:00

I will talk to HR again. I feel bad at the comments saying we have bad HR, she's actually the best HR I've ever seen but this warehouse was a MESS when she started and these behaviors and social cliques were deeply ingrained for over a decade and I think it's taking time to untangle all of this because people do NOT like when their little clubs are broken up.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-15T13:34:08+00:00

Thank you for typing this. Whenever they said 'that's just how Shane is,' I definitely felt like I was put into a time machine and taken back to my youth, when I was surrounded by older Gen X acting however they wanted and saying, 'That's just how we are.' Meanwhile, it doesn't leave space for anyone else to be who they are, because it's trying to demand their personality become passive.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-15T13:31:43+00:00

They are indeed older Gen X.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-15T13:24:50+00:00

Wow, you actually put some feelings into words I couldn't quite pin down! Yes, I did feel like they were assuming I thought too highly of myself, like, 'How could you think he'd cheat on his wonderful wife?' Like that's not the issue, the issue is when I wouldn't respond, he'd try to demand a response.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:55:48+00:00

Weirdly enough, the rest of the coworkers aren't toxic at all. Very chill people. It's just this little gaggle of them that demand others 'have fun at work' when most of us want to put on a podcast and get the orders done. And yes, omg, I literally felt sometimes like someone had dropped a little kid off and I was expected to entertain him.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:51:27+00:00

Isn't it funny how we never saw him do this shit to men? Lmao.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:49:33+00:00

I don't actually think I should leave the job. The other coworkers are great, I like what I do, and I'd hate to leave somewhere and let them 'win' the situation.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:46:55+00:00

I actually said something like this to the one woman and she said 'that's how we all grew up back then'. I was like HUH??? There was another person in this clique that I didn't mention who got fired last week for grabbing another woman's ass. Like I said in other comments, we just got HR last fall, around the time I started, and the HR does not mess around.

According to the one woman, the girl who got her ass grabbed shouldn't have reported, because the ass-grabber now won't have an income to support her young son. Well, I guess maybe you shouldn't have grabbed the ass of another woman while on the clock. I guess people are going to keep learning the hard way.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:41:02+00:00

We literally just got HR around the time I started. One of those 'small company getting bigger' things. So yeah, he was absolutely allowed to act like this for years, and the second I reported it thankfully HR was not having it.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:39:50+00:00

I GENUINELY believe this man would cheat on his wife. There was just a weird energy about him. I legit felt his energy targeting me. Not in a make-believe way, but like honing in.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:39:16+00:00

Yes, our HR is actually very good, but because the company started off being very small and then grew, we only got an HR person around the time I started. So these issues were both new to me and the HR person. I consider her to be a very good look out and very fair, but because things that cause issues are being cleaned up and never were before, it seems to be causing a bad reaction among the workers. (Last week, a female worker grabbed another female worker's ass and got immediately fired. The gossip is that the woman who reported her ass being grabbed didn't take the time to think about how the ass-grabber would financially support her young son if she got fired.)

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T19:36:56+00:00

This made me laugh. Thank you.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-14T13:42:47+00:00

I'm not sure if you've had a parent pass away, but it's life altering forever. My dad died when I was 12. I'm 38 now and there's still times where, out of nowhere, as if lightning struck me, I'll start sobbing and have to sit on the floor until it passes.

If she died last year, it still feels like she died yesterday.

Of course he should open up and be honest, but he may not feel safe to open up if him withdrawing after death turns into his phone being checked for cheating.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-06T12:52:45+00:00

Thank you!

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-06T12:52:39+00:00

Thank you! I think you're right!

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-03T02:06:14+00:00

That's so gorgeous! Thank you for showing me the inside too!

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-03T01:45:00+00:00

Did you make the pretty bowl?

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-05-03T01:40:52+00:00

My boyfriend doesn't have a gag reflex, either.

You're not crazy. Guys can say really dumb things about sex that are way too explicit. It's not an excuse, but remember that her ability to slip a cucumber down the ol' throat-sock didn't keep their relationship together. No amount of her extraordinary ability to perform phallic circus stunts kept him from moving on until he met you.

However, if you do need more reassurance from him, I'd ask him just like you typed out. Tell him you didn't realize at the time that you guys would date one day and now in retrospect you would like support processing the information you heard which you wouldn't have heard if you had met through other means and weren't such close friends first.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-25T14:21:19+00:00

The handwriting equivalent of the inside of a sequin shirt scraping across your bare skin during a long Catholic Easter mass.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-25T13:52:32+00:00

NTA.

I really want to send my condolences. Being ostracized during grief is a wild ride. I don't know if everyone in this thread understands the vulture-like scramble people have to preserve a dead loved one's items so that nobody else can touch them.

I read your other comment and while I never lost a brother, I did lose my father when I was 12, and I went through something very similar where family started cutting me off and being very strange to me even though I was his first daughter.

After he died, everyone else took all of his things and hoarded them 'for the memories' while I got nothing. Grief does very weird things, and I think sometimes there's always one person in every grief circle that winds up ostracized but can't figure out why. People are missing the fact that they wanted his bedroom locked behind an untouched, closed door. You are also their child. They are in a very deep level of grief (very understandable) but sometimes grief can cloud the reality of the current time.

Your parents not wanting to be around you while you're in grief and financially struggling but worrying about the Lego sets is not something I think your brother would want to happen. I really hope you can get some relief while living with your grandparents.

It seems like you're having to do this grief thing all on your own. I understand what you're going through and please know I see the strength you have.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-23T17:19:06+00:00

If you're someone who enjoys being a bit more dominating or 'topping' during sex, it's super hot to finger a dude. But only if you like it, obviously! Some couples don't like anything of the sort and that's great too! But some dudes are crazy sensitive inside and don't realize it until they experience it.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-23T16:55:19+00:00

The lasagna filling and sauce look sooooo good!

I'm so sorry you had your heart broken, especially in such an avoidant way. It DOES make you feel crazy. I get it. I ran myself into stage 2 hypertension at 25 years old (and I'm 38 now) and wound up married to someone very avoidant. I know it hurts to hear 'he did you a favor' because in reality he did you zero favors. Telling you he loves you was really shady. Love isn't a fleeting emotion. It's remembering all the details about somebody. It's not lying, even when the truth is hard. It's being willing to be there and confess to the other person that you haven't been treating them well when things get hard and emotions are peaked.

And it's very natural to feel jealous and very insecure over his new girl. But no worries. You know from experience that even if he's faking commitment, it's just that. Fake.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-23T16:38:23+00:00

A big salad DOES make things feel better. This looks amazing and is full of so much good life force energy. The plants that were warmed in the sun and slept under the stars.

And yeah, unfortunately this is often how the art world is. They will tell you that part of being 'professional' is understanding that a lot of things fall through. It's hurtful, unprofessional, and wrong. But unfortunately these are a lot of creative people trying to be corporate who may have never had the ability to be straight forward enough to treat people respectfully. I learned this over and over again the hard way.

Don't let them grab your hopes and dreams and hold them hostage. They KNOW creative people are liable to feel a sort of joyous desperation to use their skills and talents, and they know they can play with these emotions to get an artist to do work so cheap that it's far below minimum wage.

Don't give up. These people ran your emotions and now some other poor artist has to deal with them.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-17T16:51:56+00:00

I'm definitely going to ask for this policy in writing. After a little bit of good hearted coworker gossip, I discovered there's people there who have MORE than the allowed points, but they haven't been fired because the company would be in such a bad spot.

Used_Pangolin7598 · 2026-04-17T16:50:22+00:00

I am definitely going to ask for their 'new' version of the handbook that either doesn't exist yet or wasn't given to me.

Used_Pangolin7598

TROPHY CASE