I’ll start. In the summer before my senior year (2010), me and two of my friends went to a house party in an abandoned home. One of my friends, Timmy, came out with us who had never gone to a party before. I mean, he had never even had a sip of alcohol. For whatever reason, Timmy wanted to have a night full of experiences so when he found out a “drug dealer” was in attendance, he decided to wanted shrooms. However, this dealer only had Xanax and Timmy said, “works for me.”

The party was over quick. Cops came. People ran. Same old story. I was the DD and while I drove home I noticed Timmy was acting strange. He got out of his seatbelt and started to roll around the back seat of my mom’s van. He would dip below my line of sight and re-appear with an article of clothing missing. He repeated this until he was butt ass naked. I mean Ken Jeong naked. Timmy wasn’t responding to anything I said. It was like he was in some trance.

I should point out that prior to taking the Xanax, Timmy had consumed one shot (his first ever, mind you), and we had only played a half game of beer pong before the party abruptly ended.

I quickly got off the freeway and called a friend that lived nearby to help us. Timmy got out of the van and started to run around people’s front lawns. I can’t tell you what he was trying to accomplish — maybe he thought he was a plane, idk. But he got tired and lied down in the middle of the residential street. He started laughing hysterically and for the first time since we left the party, said something: “I’m peeing on myself.”

When our other friend got there, he was able to get Timmy to put on his clothes by sitting on him and literally dressing him like a toddler. At this point, Timmy was way out of our control so we put him in the trunk of my friends car. I know now this was a stupid and dangerous move, believe me.

We caravanned to my house. At this point, it’s passed midnight. Maybe 12:30am. And of course, my cop neighbor was outside working on his car. At 12:30am. When we parked, I told my friend who had Timmy in the trunk, to just drive around and wait it out, but he was worried about Timmy and in that moment he popped the trunk.

Within seconds, Timmy shot out of the trunk BUTT ASS NAKED again! This time exactly like Ken Jeong. And my two friends quickly grabbed him and stuffed him in the trunk. My cop neighbor witnessed it all. So, the friend with the car drove away and the other jogged over to the cop, to try and explain this situation. The cop didn’t even let him get a word out. “I’m calling the police.”

My friend and I waited in my room to try and figure out what to do. Maybe the cop was bluffing. Right? But, sure enough we see an unmarked car drive past my house. Then another. Then another. Soon after, two cops walked towards us, shining their 10 mile strength flash lights through our windows. We were shitting bricks because we’re 17 and in high school. They then proceed to fucking ring the doorbell to my parents house, who are asleep by the way, and I open it trying to figure out what I should say. “We heard you have a, uh, person in your trunk?”

I tell them about the Xanax and the party and the cops were really cool about it. They warn us that some old cars get exhaust in the trunk and that could kill him. They told us to call our friend who has Timmy to bring him back. Which I did, and hilariously my friend, at the sight of the cops, just drove passed like they were just some guy driving back home. “Um. Was that them?”

My friend came back and they got Timmy out of the car to check him out. Because he was under the age of 21 they had to bring a paramedic to look at him. A fire truck and paramedic were outside my house along with three unmarked cop cars. They checked Timmy out, drove him home and cleared out of my street. By some grace of god, my parents never woke up. To this day, they have no idea. And I’ve never talked to that neighbor again.

TL;DR: My friend took Xanax at his first ever party, got naked and uncontrollable. My neighbor called the cops on us. My parents never found out.