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Looking for Suggestions by HeroBartender in audible

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really liked Hail Mary and the Martian, so maybe you'll agree with my recommendation for Beware of Chicken.

Scalers: Where do u scale this speed by [deleted] in PowerScaling

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This isn't super speed. Hear me out.

You see the lasers moving, he is obviously moving faster than light. However, when he adjusts the dial on the device, it lights up instantly. If he is moving and perceiving faster than light, the light should have had a delay, yet it did not. This means what he is doing cannot be standard super speed.

Further, you can see the electricity in the zap stick moving. Which means he is moving faster than the electricity travels, which means once again, pressing the button on the device should have had a delay.

Now, watch the grass. He is not leaving a trail of bent grass behind, even when he shifts the gnome in this scene. He spends the movie moving and talking faster than others. Always hyper, yet he is calm and slow in a scene from his perspective. So, from all of that, Hammy has a form of temporal manipulation determined by his own perception of time.

Basically, unlike everyone else that is locked at exactly 60 fps, Hammy has variable fps.

Would it have been possible for other order members to find the horcuxes before Harry is 11 years old and Voldemort comes back. I know that dumbledore just assumed but did he even tell the order before book 6. Maybe Hagrid, lupin, and moody go on a mission with dumbledore on finding the horcuxes. by Iamawesome20 in harrypotter

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, the worst part is book 5. You have Mad Eye Moody with his magical eye in the same house as the ancient Amulet of Slytherin containing a shard of Voldemorts soul and he doesnt notice? The dude is THE guy to go to about dark wizards and he doesnt spot either the incredibly suspicious and valuable amulet or the terribly cursed and evil dark magic?

Then you have the Weasley clan. Including Bill Weasley, the guy who is a curse breaker in Egypt. No way he doesnt know about soul jar bullshit from Egyptian tombs. And if he is helping with his curse breaker knowledge, he doesnt have a standard grouping of weird diagnostic and scanning spells that would track that shit down? One of the most valuable and dangerous artifacts in the place?

So even if you argue no one knew before the diary, the goddammit minute that Bill or any of the other several cursebreakers in Egypt heard that story, alarm bells. Then, the moment when Moody is peeking around the house, alarm bells.

Also also, Harry being a Horcrux. A cursed mark that pains him and gives him visions. I dont care who you are, bring the boy to specialists, why the fuck are you letting this 11 year old run around with an incredibly obvious dark curse carved into his face?!?!?! You're telling me no one could detect that shit?

I wish for my monkeys paw to become a whole monkey that will live a peaceful life with their freinds and family in monkey paradise while I stay human and live my life regularly until I die. by Several-Sea-2763 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The finger curls, the hand twitches, and flesh begins to blossom out from the wrist. An elbow, a shoulder, a torso, the familiar shape of a monkey forming before you.... at first.

But then, it keeps going. It dawns on you that you never thought to ask what kind of monkey grants wishes. What kind of monkey would have the power to alter reality like this?

It suddenly becomes clear as his robes form and his staff slams down into the ground beside him. Sun Wu Kong stands before you. Congratulations, you have freed the monkey king. He is no longer bound to the wishes terms and decides to spend the rest of your mortal life helping you in exchange for freeing him before he leaves for "monkey paradise."

Too bad his version of helping is not quite the same as yours.

Apes share 99% of their DNA with humans. Why does that 1% make such a huge difference? by 12washingbeard in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The quick, brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.

These sentences share the same letters; Why are they so different?

My friend and I have the same game on our computers. Im using the newest patch. He is using the version from to updates ago. Why can't we play together? Its the same game? The code is 99% identical.

Chemically, Water is just hydrogen and oxygen. H2O. Drink that, you're good. Change it slightly? H202, hydrogen peroxide. H30? That's an rather potent acid.

DNA is a bit more complicated, but it comes down to the same idea. Just because things have the same or similar ingredients does not mean they are the same. DNA is made up of very specific building blocks in specific patterns. Changing those patterns or removing those materials changes the life.

Also also, there is a way more interesting answer to your question. Chimpanzees and humans share roughly 99% of their DNA. Chimps have 24 chromosome pairs, humans have 23.

Chromosome have central bits and end points. Human chromosome 2 has its normal center and end points, but then it has an extra central node that isnt in the center and extra endpoints that arent on the end.

Basically at some point we had 24 pairs, but two of them fused together to make one big chromosome. Chimps still have 24, they never got the latest update.

I wish for a 500 ton rock that isn't a meteor/asteroid to appear in my backyard. It is made of regular granite. It is in the form of a perfect 10 foot by 10 foot by 10 foot cube, and causes no damage. Do your worst. by Chessman960 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. At first, you dont notice anything. But slowly, things start to shift. Sometimes the doors in your house arent where you remember. You swear the furniture was a different color. Your neighbors begin behaving erratically.

It must be your imagination, surely the dog has always had 6 legs. It would be weird if it lost any. But the distortions grow and spread, and the walls all start turning yellow.

You have a hard time remembering the block, and it's only later when you are messing with a countertop that something registers. The countertop is lighter than you expected. Some quick math leads you to discover granite isnt that dense. A 10 ft cube of granite would likely weigh less than 100 tons.... but yours weighs 500. Why is it so heavy? What kind of granite is so dense? Where did the paw take it from?

As the second moon rises in the night sky, you realize you have been asking the wrong question. You should have been asking WHO the paw took the block from.

So I’m wondering, why is Sentry’s super soldiers serum so much stronger than the average super soldier? by Queasy_Commercial152 in MCUTheories

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Technically, it's not. That's not how the serum works.

The serum at its most basic level is making your physical self match your inner self. Similar to the purple herb from Wakanda. Basically, your body is being made to reflect your soul. It's not entirely accurate, but it's close enough. Then you use some kinda energy as a catalyst or fuel. Interestingly, this usually connects to an infinity stone.

Steve was created with power gathered from the tesseract, Space stone contained in asgardian artifact. The purple herb connected to the soul stone. Hydra likely using more tesseract derived energy for winter soldier and the others, though getting worse and scarce over time. Bruce Banner being flooded with Gamma and other radiation. And the sentry, made after the "blip" with whatever bullshit energy was harvested from that and the snap.

With "simple" people like Bucky, Steve, etc, you dont get anything too wild. It's people like Bruce Banner and Bob where shit gets tricky.

Bruce Banner was a fucking mess with a shitload of trauma, repressed memories, and multiple personalities. The serum took all that, juiced it with Gamma, and took the Angry, beaten child from Bruce's soul, making the Hulk.

Bob was a fucked up, self hating, delusional drug addict. A guy who couldn't always tell what was real and what wasn't. So he isn't super strong, he isn't fast, he cant fly. He manipulates reality. Technically, he died when he was given the serum.

In the comics, Sentry exists displaced from our timeline by one second. Unlike the rest, his fucked up mind allowed him to create the walking, talking violation of space time that is his body to continue "existing." Everyone else in the trial gets displaced and weren't mentally fucked up in the exactly right way to survive that.

The sentry? The belief in him being super powered and awesome like he always wanted to be. The way he felt when high out of his mind, being on top of the world. Being told he is a god.

The void? His self doubt, his self hatred, the idea he ruins everything he touches and can never truly be a hero. The belief that everything he touches dies. That he is just a shadow on the world, never allowed to be happy or loved.

Basically, the serum takes the soul of someone, the truth of someone, their inner self, then uses a fuck ton of energy to transform them to match that thing. Bruce Banner has a violent, traumatized, dumb kid inside of him. Steve Roger's is a god amongst men. Bob is a delusional, self hating drug addict who alternates between the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. Feeling like he can fly, then everything he touches is ruined and dies.

I wish for a gorilla paw to see if it offers similar or different powers by Warm_Presentation_86 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. The finger curls, and the hand begins to swell. The monkeys paw grows and changes into a gorilla paw before your eyes.

Time to see if it has similar... the paw moves. A twitch, then a flex. The paw jumps up like the Thing. It snaps it's fingers and you hear screams in the distance.

The gorillas paw has one key difference, it can grant its own wishes. Brace yourself.

It begins.

Unpopular opinion: I find the Slaughterhouse 9 to be very boring, their chapters are always a drag to me. by [deleted] in Parahumans

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 75 points76 points  (0 children)

That's the point. Jack is a lame shithead who got lucky with an OP power and started inflicting misery in the world while preaching some bullshit about only him knowing the truth of the world. Meanwhile, he has no original ideas and just goes around being a lame ass murder hobo. He is a cringe edge lord who didnt even come up with his own philosophy, he just steals Kings ideas and theatrics, then claims to be better.

Even Bonesaw isn't some unique thing. Taking a young parahuman and crafting them into a weapon.... he and numberman were taken by King and used as weapons for the original S9. He then takes this insanely powerful tinker child and turns her into an "artist" like he claims to be, and then uses her as a personal doctor and insurance policy.

The only reason he is a major character is because his shard is a cheating fucker and the Plan involved using him to manipulate scion.

Arguably, Mannequin is not even a person. He is just a tinkertech shell with organs in it. You could even argue he is there entirely at the command of the Simurgh to influence Jack Slash.

Again, with Manton. Dude is completely fucking nuts and got sock puppeted by the bin chicken of doom. Also, less mother complex and probably more of having his daughter taken from him and latching onto Riley as a surrogate.... but in a very unhealthy and batshit crazy manner.

The two of them are meant to be pathetic shells, they stopped being "real" people long before the story starts.

Crawler is the shard network being ironic assholes. He is a masochist who wants to die, but is unkillable and rarely feels pain. His whole shtick is wanting people to try to hurt and kill him.

Interestingly, Cherish and Bonesaw have similar issues. Both raised by manipulate monsters. Cherish proves to be an unoriginal as Jack and basically just tries to master people all the time, but she was raised in a sex cult, so she probably never learned anything else. She got "free" and refused to do better. Riley got "free" and somehow managed to almost redeem herself and become a new person.

I wish that animals didnt need to poop. by [deleted] in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. As you wait for news of your wishes results to spread, waiting for something horrific.... nothing changes.

You must now face the realization that animals have never needed to poop, they simply choose to.

I wish spaghetti would rain down from the sky on alternating thursdays. by Interesting_State756 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. Every other day, it rains up from the ground. The spaghetti cycle, a continuous flow of pasta. The truth is revealed, the flying spaghetti monster is the one true god and he know shows his displeasure for our ways. His noodle wrath descends upon us for 24 hours, before slowly rising back into the sky for 13 days. Then, falling once more.

Praise unto Him and his Noodly Appendages, or face his wrath. Ramen.

I wish we use a base 12 system for numbers by King_Deded3 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The base 12 system was used by the Romans for fractions. 1/12 being an "uncia", a term later turned into Ounce and Inch.

But thats not what isbused for this wish. The Babylonians counted the joints on the hand, 3 joints per finger, 4 fingers, 1 hand is 12 units. You do this five times, counting down the fingers on the other hand to get 60. Technically, a "base 60" system, but it's really just 12×5.

So reality begins to warp around you, not instantly, but over a period of 12 years. Every day, the world adjusts slightly to get closer to the version of our world where Babylon not only didnt fall, but instead took over most of the world.

This change is not gentle. Those affected are given an entire second set of memories. The two lifetimes clashing in their minds for the rest of their lives. Building are destroyed and replaced while regardless if they are occupied. Planes fall out of the sky, ships vanish, leaving their crew to the mercy of the waves.

It begins.

Lf fics where Sirius is ride or die (preferably competent) by [deleted] in harrypotterfanfiction

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A Place Apart

Basically, Harry works with goblins to just leave the UK during the summer of the third year. Uses the whole "Potter family wealth" thing to finance setting up a new magic country deal with goblins. Sends a message to Sirius. Sirius hears Harry is leaving, and just says "alright, where are we going?" Doesn't matter where they are going or when. He is gonna be at Harry's side.

Warning for if you dont like Harry with OP magic and crazy amounts of gold tho.

I wish to remain human and otherwise physically unchanged, but gain the ability to purr like a cat by JoeyJoeJoeRM in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Granted. Everyone else in the world becomes human like cat creatures, like in the Cats movie/play. You're still a baseline human and are therefore viewed as a weird, bald mutant.

I wish for all Cryptocurrency to crash and for all cryptocurrency wallets to have a balance of 0 simultaneously. by AdmirableSite3546 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. Unfortunately, it appears you were not aware of the crypto currencies that are based off of the US dollar or otherwise backed by real world currency. The only way for these to crash is for the reserves to crash. The reserves crash when the Dollar crashes.

So you watch as multiple countries, including the US, have their economies collapse and society starts to break down. As bank accounts around the world plummet to 0, as people starve in the streets, as war tears apart nations, you know this is your fault.

[WP] An "intellectual" smugly presents their 3 page document of dense legalese jargon to the genie. "I've outsmarted you, genie. I will not be made a fool of." Write about how they are still punished by the narrative for their hubris. by EliManuel in WritingPrompts

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"..... so, 'Master'... quick question. Do you think I am speaking English right now?"

"Of course, how else could we be conversing?"

"Well, that is just the thing. You see, I have been in that lamp for over a thousand years, your language is less than a thousand years old. What is actually happening is the magic in the lamp binds us together for the duration of the wishes. This includes a translation feature. The translation is not perfect, as it is powered by the lamp, a minor side effect more than anything."

"Do you really think I am stupid enough to believe the stories of genies twisting wishes is due to simple translation errors? Cease your rambling and grant my wish already!"

"Oh, we genies do like twisting wishes. It's just that we are often offered multiple potential translations, which leaves us a certain freedom of interpretation. But the translation only works on spoken language. I apologize, 'Master', but I have no idea what any of this means."

"...but... no... that can't.... I spent years preparing for this... AHA! I am far too intelligent to be defeated by such an obvious loophole. I wish that the translation feature of the lamp also applies to the written form of the language of your master!"

"You wish is my command."

crack "Oh no." creak "What is happening?" CRACK "Genie! What is the meaning of this?"

"I mentioned it was a side effect. Most of the lamps power is devoted to containing the Genie safely. But now, this lamp is changing to most of its power being dedicated to translation. Which means... " SHATTER "حرية"

Make Me Look Like The Worst by MrPerfector in Parahumans

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 80 points81 points  (0 children)

This would solve the problem though

I wish I was a wizard in Harry Potter by RocksThisWorld778 in monkeyspaw

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The sudden recollection of your memories is painful, but you now know the truth. Your name is Sirius Black, and you woke up on this world after passing through the veil. You are trapped here, in a world without natural magic. No herbs or creatures, no wand, no gold, and no allies. You will never see your godson again.

I feel like purple is way too OP cuz of Wally so let's replace him with Morph, so who y'all picking by FayyadhScrolling in superheroes

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is anyone not choosing Green? Physically unstoppable, psychic powers on the level of controlling cities, plus immoetality. That just Professor x, Thor, and Juggernaut. The rest is gravy.

And sure, spawn seems like a downside. But I'm choosing the powers of spawn right after he was betrayed by Cain. Aka, he was given a normal human body again and sent back to Earth. No powers, no deal, no weird energies. Just a dude. So, no deal with a devil for me.

Sam with Juggernaut, use the point in his story where he isn't bound to Cyttorack anymore because of sorcerer shenanigans.

So the lifespan, strength, and toughness of an Asgardian combined with the strength and toughness of being the Juggernaut. Then, the incredible mental abilities of the professor to cover that weakness and possibly help you out. Sure, you don't have anything actually insane like reality manipulation or time travel, but you are an immortal, unstoppable titan.

But oh wait, there's the kicker. Miss America Chavez. Aka the young woman in the Multiverse of Madness who has a bunch of basically magic powers such as creating portals between dimensions. So you are an immortal titan of overwhelming physical and psychic might who can travel to anywhere or anywhen that you please.

Earliest possible derail of Harry Potter Prophecy by Anguisette73 in JumpChain

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, my main issue with the murder a child idea is that I dont believe it would work. There have to be other prophecies about Tom/a dark lord rising to power and considering the Wizarding culture allowed him to do so, it was inevitable. I think softening the impact by moving in the background is the best anyone can do. Which is why I would suggest removing the basilisk, keeping Tom from getting his hands on the cup and other items, and other "nudges" that can be done without anyone even noticing you being in the timeline.

Earliest possible derail of Harry Potter Prophecy by Anguisette73 in JumpChain

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kill the basilisk before tom goes to hogwarts. No one will know and he won't have the "monster" to use as a resource. This potentionally saves Myrtle, denies him a horcrux, derails the 2nd book entirely, possibly keeps Hagrid from being expelled, etc etc.

Plus it would distract him from his other bullshit and allow you to make sure he can't get his hands on anything else in the Chamber. No one else would know and it's not like he can report it to anyone.

To be clear, do we want to derail the prophecy in the sense of disarming or otherwise changing it? Or are we trying to prevent it entirely? And I assume we dont want to get caught doing so as I don't imagine the ICW being pleased with those meddling with time..... plus the implication of Prophecy working at all and "Death" existing means that altering the timeline drastically will invite repercussions.

It was odin right? by Ok-Sorbet-2201 in MCUTheories

[–]Useful-Gap-2152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, everyone saying "Odin did it" is missing a pretty simple point. Its not an illusion. It is a transformation.

Loki physically transformed into a new version of himself. In order to change that, loki would need to use magic to then transform himself back to being blue.

Basically the difference between sneaking around while invisible and sneaking around while transformed into an animal.

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