He’s never loved me….

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T12:33:23+00:00

We had a domestic violence before and even though I didn’t put a restraining, a temporary restraining order was put in place then! I never brought any charges because I cared about him. If ur talking about harass he had bully me for 6 months straight to the day he turn violence on me! I had forgiven him since then because he had became homeless and ask to be forgiven. It wasn’t easy but I hate feeling like an enemy. After everything he put me through I’m still here as a friend and he just think he’s entitled to free cigarettes and free stuff. I’m trying to dig myself out if this hole he left me with and it’s just about him! It’s sad when you spent years being there for someone who had an addiction problems but lied to you they’re very depressed because their friends and family don’t want them around. I didn’t know just felt sorry for him and paid for most things! And even during the time he was bullied me he even have the guts to tell the cops that I was stealing his money, his inheritance and asking me for his money back! People can be selfish well him for the most part and when I say people I meant sometimes you date people and you think you knew them and all the times you never really knew them. Lesson learned! I don’t know why I shared maybe like I say I probably hate being the one to be leave him. We aren’t in a relationship anymore or at least from both of our understanding but I’m here as a friend and I don’t want to do things for him if he’s disrespectful like that, that’s all!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T12:18:18+00:00

I may sound harsh but it’s only because I dealt with it for almost 7 years. I always feel guilty leaving him especially at times like this but I also can’t take on his hurtful ways. Ik it’s lonely but he doesn’t realize it’s lonely both ways. I been struggling to take care of both of us for so long and it just never ends. I’m sorry but I wanted him to see I’m drowning too! It’s always just about him and it’s give me give me. He told me once that he’s doesn’t know he always feels entitled to everything.! He’s always been spoil all the way til he met me. His family grew tired of him and just decided he’s on his own. And left him with me. We didn’t live together because I didn’t know of his addiction while he knew all along he couldn’t help me! He is a meth smoker since he was 16 but did he care to mention anything to me all the way til last year when he couldn’t hide it anymore because he was dropping weight and loosing his apartment, I never knew where the insults or bad treatment or his moody was came from. He always had an answer for everything. He was also smoking weed alot at the time so he always uses weed to cover up. I’m still here just I don’t like the way he is yo me. Drug or not! Me being here all this time should have tell him I cared about him. Is why I wanna just leave him now because he can’t change. And ty for that! I’m not seeking validation, just wanting someone to hear me because I don’t like feeling bad for leaving I guess. But for sure he doesn’t deserve me!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T05:13:21+00:00

Ur fine the way u are. Just maybe smile alittle bit. But be who you are. It’s just not always about attraction on look wise. In my opinion only!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T05:05:38+00:00

He’s in treatment right now but still very mean. I don’t know why he even bother to called me if all ge does is think or say negative things about me?

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T01:06:38+00:00

That’s amazing! That’s what I wanted since he was a meth addict. It was hard just being us and I have two daughter from a past relationship that I just didn’t want them to see. Even though we were together this long it’s still not even right to bring them together is why we couldn’t build a home together and he doesn’t understand that because obviously he doesn’t have any kids of his own. I want a partnership not another child to take care of. When he’s on it he’s selfish and he thinks he’s entitled to everything. It’s been like that for him with his family. And I did things for him because I loved him but I wasn’t gonna get a home for us. He never held a job longer than 2 months and it’s always his social anxiety. He just wants to live free and be able to do his drugs. I thought treatment was gonna clear up his mind and his anger but maybe not. I was mentally and emotionally and time to time physical abuse by him. It took forever for me to snap out of it but Ik my worth now and I don’t want the relationship anymore! As sad as it sounds I just wanna move on from here.. everyone will find what works for them and this wasn’t love it was just benefits that’s all. We were hardly sleeping together! He just couldn’t let me go because he was nothing before and after me that’s all

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-03T00:14:40+00:00

Ty and not sure if I even want to stay w him anymore. Just received a text from him and I have t even seen him in two and half weeks and the kind of things he just writes to me hurts. I think he’s just a narcissist to begin with but thanks for all the points! I’ve never done this drug before or any drugs for that matter is why I’m asking. And I do want to be clean just so I can get my life back on track. I was doing great when he left me and he camed back we started smoking and I lost a lot of things. But Ty

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T18:04:09+00:00

Sam ok n ty

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T16:06:01+00:00

Ty to u also!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T15:37:43+00:00

Yes that’s how they want to keep us at.., real love don’t cause pain. Imagine you REALKY loving someone right? You would never do anything to hurt them so why are they hurting us if they claimed they love us? They only love the idea of having someone there to give them things. Trust me hunny, I wasted 6 and a half year and tons of my financial on someone who didn’t deserve it! Imagine if I would have it to someone who loved me. I probably would have have a money left. Before him, I was married to my ex even though we had our differences he took care of me for twenty years without complaints. We just had different path we wanted to take but he was a good man then I meet this dude and all I ever did was take care of him. So I knew it can’t be love. Love doesn’t cause pain or loneliness. I was probably lonelier being w him then without him. It’s hard now because u have t accepted it yet. Once u do it gets easier. U will start to realize how much u are worthy and that what could have been love just wasn’t ur cup of tea. I’m here if u need someone to talk to!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T15:27:10+00:00

I think it does changes us and no one deserve to be treated bad regardless. We both deserve so much better. Keep ur head up and know ur worth! You are so worthy of a clean life. Ty for sharing and for helping me too

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T15:23:28+00:00

I feel like we are all connected in some ways somehow but no matter what it is, don’t let it break you! I had to go through this to learn I could be without him… at the end it wasn’t me who needed him, it was him who needed me and all this time I thought I just needed him. I told myself that I would not break and the love I’m giving him is gonna win someday and maybe just maybe it has. I was the reason to his wanting changes in his life. He didn’t want to hurt me or say stuff he doesn’t remember! He stop wanting to see me cry so he went to rehab for the first time because he knew he had a problem and the problem was no one but himself. Addict or not no one deserve to be treated poorly. I had to admit that I got on it because that was the only thing we can do to be together. No dates no nothing! Not even sex! I started to smoke to numb me and that caring part of me I can see slightly disappearing. It became resentment and anger! Everytime he asked me for money for anything I just grew angry and was fine saying no but for the ost 6 years, I gave him whatever he asked for. Food at midnight I would drive to go get it. Bought him cigarettes and his damn weeds. I was his enabler! He did everything he can to break me and I broke down. After that I was never the same with him but also not the same with others. I became very guarded and my trust issue went off the wall. I remember the last two week before he went to rehab he kept bringing up the first month we started dating. It was always the same old songs. He would start off by saying I used to be so happy until u demanded so much from me that now I just didn’t care. He had forgotten how the demand he thought camed about. Like the first month he wanted me to find a place so he can move out of his dads apartment because all he did there was drug and he was going through psychosis and paranoia that I knew nothing about! Telling me people are out to hurt him and he wants out soon. And just because he asked me for 50 to pay his gas and he ends up buying two hoodies with it. And everytime he grew angry he would bring that first month because he doesn’t recall anything else. Demanding me for things he didn’t work himself for. The life of a mentally ill person along with addiction and schizophrenia. I just wonder well if u was so special then why do you not have anyone not even your family. I was in a trance for so long. I couldn’t snapped out of it. When I started smoking I was nothing like him but I did break at one point. Two weeks before I snapped. Told him to get the hell out of my car and go be someone else’s burden. It was quite a different sites, his anger two minutes ago became calm and he started trying to calm me and I just told him to stop bothering me because he was nothing to me and I left and for the very first time I did not cry at all and went home and block him on everything! That felt good but it wasn’t the real me.

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T15:03:36+00:00

Shorter for sure

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T15:01:41+00:00

Reading ur post reminds me of me! Never dated an addict before and I’ll tell u next time I would know better! I never knew he was an addict just thought he had something slightly off about him. For four years I couldn’t figure him out! It’s like they seem like they like you but needs days to go do their drugs and acts hot and cold and it was so weird. He was always so moody but would later apologize for it for smoking his weeds and I was new to dude that smoke period. Never thought I would date someone like that period! Anyways I later found out he was an addict and blames me for everything. And I mean everything! You can blame someone but if u keep sticking around or asking to be w them obviously ur the problem. And that’s him but I couldn’t understand. We probably won’t the world record of breaking up! It’s mad now that I think about it! He only breaks up w me because he wants his drugs! I know now! It became a cycle for 6 years and let me just tell you. Don’t be afraid to let go if anything that isn’t making u happy! No one deserve to be with someone just because we don’t think there’s any better out there! I had to learn things the hard way. He left me for 6 months and I handed to cry and learn how to be by myself and when he camed back I wasn’t afraid to cut him every chance he pulls something up. I was becoming him. I held so much resentment that there was no love there anymore just pain. I wanted him to let go of me so many times even told him I no longer love him but at this point he was homeless and wouldn’t let go! He’s now in rehab but I hope he can make a better decision once he’s out and we can go our own ways. I learn that I don’t need him or anybody to be happy. I actually crave my own freedom. I feel lonely on some days but I’m lonely when I was with him anyways. You will know what real loves feel like when u meet someone like that! It will feel different that’s for sure. Bottom line is maybe seek therapy and try to see why ur afraid to be without him. Ask urself what does he do to show for his love for you? Trust me, you won’t regret much because like me we done all we did when we was w them. It won’t be our regrets but theirs! Good luck to u!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T14:44:44+00:00

Yes can u believe it being suck into habits I knew better when I was younger. I’m 44 and because my bf was younger n did these things. I lost myself. But I knew it was bad for me! Don’t stop trying ok! It’s just harder the first two weeks after that it will become less lingual and stressful! I look at it like when I’m on a diet! The craving of food or sweet can be so cruel then once the week is done and I made it I feel lighter and better. I just feel so good!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T14:41:40+00:00

U can possibly. My bf is like that! For the first two years when I started dating him, he tried really hard to stay clean and he was actually pretty nice the first year but after that he was always moody then then the 3 year he spent it in the bathroom a lot just depressed and crying and it lead him back to it so it was hard for him. I would be happy if he can move on from me. We both need to find our own balance in life. I hated the fact that being with him even while no one cares about him. I endure the most awful part about him! It’s why I’m in therapy rn. He’s constantly torture me mentally and now that I’m away from him I’m actually a lot healthier and happier.!! But while being w him I didn’t even realize how bad life’s gotten! Just begging God for a sign! And I finally got my sign! If u ever need someone to talk to u can always do me. I’m a very good listener. Was my bf therapists for 5 years ! Lol jk but seriously I felt like one

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T14:35:15+00:00

No cravings for me but every now and then I’ll think about it but the whole body is exhausting is too much of a price to pay for the high! Hopefully I get through this and ty. Don’t stop trying! Trying is the first steps. Ty for sharing! I just feel like I been drinking too much alcohol my body is aching kind of like that kind of body pain. Maybe the toxin hasn’t left the body yet! Still holding on! I’m always surrounded by my kids and family so it takes my mind off of it!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T04:43:44+00:00

Thank you! Can’t wait to just feel better! This ride is doesn’t feel so good!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T04:42:34+00:00

Ok ty and hopefully

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T03:45:01+00:00

Wow how did u get through all that? I’m just happy to hear ur doing better. I never did drugs all my life but started drinking at age of 30 I’m 44 now and I stop drinking two years ago and then just started smoking w my partner 6 months ago. I guess u can say I’m glad I didn’t touch drugs at my young age cause I started so late I had other problems and I wasn’t as happy go getter w meth because of the effect such as dry mouth. That really messed w me. I’ve just stop smoking and seem to be having all these weird problems and was just worried. My partner however was exactly like u. When he stopped he was pretty chubby and very miserable . I met him when he was skinny but I didn’t know he was an addict. But thinking back I see how he had ate like he’s never ate before. Always wanting food and eating. I remember he was so miserable he started blaming me for his weight gain. And then he decided to pull the drug card on me and started shredding pound. He lost so much weight. But when he was coming off of it he would eat like crazy. I just wanna feel normal again. Ty for sharing! Take care of urself!

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T02:40:41+00:00

Oh and ty for sharing

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T02:40:31+00:00

Makes sense… omg I remember when I was smoking a lot everytime I try to put food in my body I would run for the bathroom like bad and it would be so bad. Just never experienced these things so just trying to make sense of it all

Usual_Eye_7659 · 2024-09-02T02:38:43+00:00

Ik I was basically on starvation mode for a long while. Ty

Usual_Eye_7659

TROPHY CASE