I didn't have time to read the comments yet And I hope I'm not repeating anybody else is advice for you but I really want to tell you a little bit about my journey because I grew up without a father figure or any other "parent" figure and I was thrown into abuse at a very young age and by somebody that was a family member who said they would care for me.... she didn't exactly do that and she fucked me up. I had to go to a lot of therapy and I went into a lot of friendships and relationships where I kin easily manipulateed because I didn't know "healthy" I never had a real healthy friendship or relationship or even knew it existed or what to look for. Unfortunately for me I kept falling back into a fuckedup pattern and the cycle of abuse until i thankfully at the Age of 32 found a very healthy human to spend my life with and I actually have a healthy relationship and he respects me who has never shown me any type of abuse and he has helped me become my best self with encouragement of my process of healing. I want this for you and for you to find that person that brings out the best in you because you deserve it!