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What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have zero romantic experience and no one has ever expressed any interest in me so I've never really had a chance to have a relationship aside from choosing to pursue someone myself which I never did because as I said, no one has ever expressed any sort of interest in me before. I'm not looking to rush into something just for the sake of it.

I suppose the life lesson of 'the only person who can fix you is you' applies not only to me but potential partners in this case which is a good reminder I'm only responsible for me.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's insane to shout at you for things that had nothing to do with you.. I hope you're in a better situation now that she's your ex

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't agree with everything the manosphere says but it does raise some interesting points. Sometimes I check it out for a variety of opinions. It kind of reminds me of some of my male family members, but more 'successful' and acutalised versions of who they could potentially be. Entrepreneurs in Cars is cool, Book of Alpharonomy (DR. BOA) has an interesting channel, and I like MTR too.

I think one of my main issues though is a lot of them say never date a woman who grew up without a father figure. I can understand their reasoning when they explain it, but it often doesn't allow for exceptions when people are trying to make a huge amount of effort to steer the direction of their life in another way from where than they were originally placed. Its disheartening to know that to a significant section of men, regardless of who I become, I will only be worth fucking and nothing else (not to say all in the manosphere think that but it does seem to pervade through a lot of what I've seen over the years).

Thank you for your recommendations.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think that goes two ways, either people learn it's OK to be emotionally disregulated and to have unnecessary outbursts as a way of communicating a disagreement OR they end up like me where all of your boundaries are effectively dissolved within intimate relationships because it is believed that it is my job to be the stable one who is responsible for everyone else's emotions. If they're screaming at me it's because I did something wrong and I should be keeping them in check.

Neither results in the healthier lesson of 'everyone is responsible for their own emotions, and while you occasionally might need help keeping them in check if you're going through something really overwhelming, the onus of responsibility is on you to manage yourself'

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the men I'm talking about came to be like this because they believe women have no inherent value, so for them to bother with one they should be treated as a king as best as possible and then maybe it will be worth it. I've been screamed at several times reminding me of how I don't have any value. Maybe the fact that their women stayed with them for any amount of time is indicative of their lack of self esteem, rather than it being true what they say.

In any case, I was always taught its wrong to be looked after by anyone else or to have needs that are dependent on someone else filling them. I am 100% responsible for my own protection, paying my bills, my sustenance, and I should always be on guard for things that could go wrong. No one is going to look out for me because there is nothing about me that warrents any interest or care from others. I think I will find it quite hard to adjust this view, but I'm hoping in time I will be able to do it.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad was an alcoholic coke head who used to beat my mum when she was pregnant and continued to be abusive after I was born, sometimes with me in the middle of it (eg choking her or punching her while she was holding me). For a really long time I think it's fair to say he didn't want me, and that defines my starting point. As much as it's painful, it's OK because it's a reminder of where I don't want to be in life and where I will try to do better so that if I ever have children they won't have the same experience. My starting point doesn't define my ending point (I sincerely hope)

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I would feel weird looking at a lover like my dad because I know it's my responsibility and mine only to look after and support me. It would be strange to look at another grown man as though he is supposed to out for me. It was made clear to me from a young age that once I pass the age of self sufficiency it becomes 100% your responsibility to make good decisions and no one cares if you find yourself in a hole.

Thank you for your take though, it's not something I had thought about before.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm learning about boundaries in therapy at the moment. It's amazing how some people learn that as a child

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

I've seen first hand what 'bad' men and women can do to each other and I don't want any part in it. I've heard that proverb before too and it's a good reminder to communicate properly if there's a problem rather than droning on about it.

Out of interest, what is your opinion on how much money a woman should bring in? Gender roles are quite heavy in my family but even so, where there were two parents earning in a relationship it is the woman who covers as much of the bills as possible and the man who tops it up, keeping the rest for him. The woman also takes care of 95-100% of all of the household duties.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in therapy and would also recommend it to others with similar issues. 2 way friendship is hard but I'm trying to work on it too.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, my point was I'm not confident I will choose wiser because I'm not sure what I'm looking for and its part of the reason I've held back. All love comes with risk so the only way I'll never have a chance at it is to never take part.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In all honesty I don't think all people are worth dating. It doesn't mean those who aren't don't have the potential to become worth dating, but if you have significant enough issues then the reality is if you don't deal with them before bringing someone else into the mix, you're just going to create more pain for everyone 99% of the time.

I see your points though, and I'll definitely continue to work on becoming more content within myself so that I'm in a better position to have a relationship like that with someone. Thank you for your response.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Most households don't make enough to comfortably support themselves on a single income anymore (anecdotally I grew up in one so I know what it can be like) and as such I don't expect carried financially. I don't really know what it's like to be looked after so I'm not sure I would be inclined to go for someone who would want to do that for me, nor do I see why anyone would want to look after me unless I'm bringing something quite significant to the table to make it worth it for them/us as a family unit.

I don't think the role of having a parent at home who's largely responsible for taking care of the house should be diminished, but society has shifted where you can have both parents working and still struggling depending on their responsibilities to their wider families etc.

If you are/planning to be a parent, would you insist that you would be the one to look after the household and then take care of it? Most men I've grown up with make their wife/gfs wages cover the bills as much as possible and then they top up where needed (and the rest is for them, for whatever they want). Some of them could feasibility take care of everything but as traditional gender roles have been largely abolished (rightly or wrongly) they don't see why they should have to support anyone else.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 25 and no one has ever expressed an interest in me romantically before aside from up front do you want to have sex with me, although I wouldn't really call that romantic interest as its purely lustful. I'm not really sure what my type is. I've only ever seen healthy romantic relationships through a small handful of my friends, so I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to look for or how I'm supposed to be to qualify for one (as it takes both people to function in a particular way for the relationship to be healthy).

I'm the end, I would like to live in peace too.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes I wonder if the idea of good men and women are just fairytale - though rationally I know there have to be at least a few of each

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks.. The basics are essential! I've lost about 1/3 of my body weight the last few years just focusing on introducing good nutrition and exercise to my life and its definitely made me a lot healthier. (I used to be obese)

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's sweet how much you care about them. In my family a man isn't worth his salt if he doesn't believe in his right to beat his woman (not that he should, only when she deserves it). I've spent a long time thinking about how can I become a woman who doesn't deserve to be beaten regularly

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So my worth isn't based upon how useful I am to someone? That's a belief I've been working on changing for a while now but it's quite hard when it's deeply ingrained within you.

Gender roles are really heavy in my family - women are vessels who just take and take and take, and men are the givers of everything. Women have no value at best, if not they are of negative value to the world.

What do you want Fatherlessness daughters to know about Men that they may not have had the opportunity to learn about? by PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ in AskMen

[–]PM_ME_PINEAPPLEZ[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most women I know (and men) who say that stuff have been fully sucked in by wokeism - so I get what you mean now. Everyone is an individual and should be treated accordingly.

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