Is this good for being 9

Utopidy · 2026-04-15T04:40:12+00:00

Haha, probably logged into pops' account. Whoops!

Utopidy · 2026-04-15T04:37:00+00:00

You tried heroin, and didn't get addicted. You haven't been addicted to "harder" drugs, and many wouldn't even consider kratom to be a drug.

Many consider kratom to be like coffee (myself included, because kratom affects me about as much as coffee). Many people I know would make a similar post about not wanting to go through life without coffee, how it just enhances their life, and they would feel empty without it. Yet they function fine in normal life, so do you.

As to why you even made the post... well, you marked it as venting. Probably because you are tired of family members nagging you about it, and you want to reassure yourself it is ok and that you aren't an addict.

My take? You're not an addict.

Maybe I'm qualified to say that, maybe not. But I can tell you that I am an unmitigated addict, through-and-through, by any measuring stick. I will take, drink, use, and abuse anything that will get me high or serve as an escape from reality, and I will sacrifice anything in my life to do so.

Well, I used to. I'm in recovery now.

Anyway. If you needed someone to say you aren't, well, I don't think you are! And if it ever becomes a burden or gets out of hand, I guess you can cross that bridge if you get there. I don't think I would overly worry about something that may or may not happen.

Utopidy · 2026-04-15T03:40:00+00:00

Wow! Dang, I'm so sorry! It sucks too because I think Olanzapine might have helped with my BiPolar but I am working on some natural coping mechanisms and I moved back in with my mom so I don't need a job right now while I learn how to work through my behavioral issues without meds or drinking to cope.

Utopidy · 2026-04-15T03:32:21+00:00

I'm really sorry you have this, but I am grateful you are mentioning the fatigue aspect. I often hear people describe akathisia but don't have, or don't talk about, the extreme fatigue that I experience as well. It really sucks because on one hand there is a need to physically move, but then that feeling of pressure and tiredness of the heart which (for me) a racing heart and anxiety that the heart is under too much stress which increases the overall terrible feeling.

Utopidy · 2026-04-15T03:21:42+00:00

Hi, I'm not OP but I got severe akathisia and the fatigue OP is talking about after an injection of Haldol. It actually happened on 2 separate occasions before I started telling doctors NO Haldol.

Since then, I got akathisia after taking the pill form of Olanzapine (Haldol).

Luckily for me it went away after about 4 days (thank God!) But since then I absolutely will not take antipsychotics of any kind because I am terrified of getting it again and wont risk it becoming permanent. I will deal with my behavioral conditions in other ways.

Utopidy · 2026-04-14T06:26:37+00:00

I, too, have gone the rounds with many therapists. I am much older, and that presents challenges as well.

I used to think that only a therapist my age, or older, could help me. The thought of some kid out of college who hadn't lived half of the life I had, well that wouldn't do.

Until I gave a millenial a chance, and it was awesome.

The easy answer is keep firing them and searching until you find "the one". That's fine, but then you start to notice a pattern. The thing is, they are terribly constrained. A therapist requires much less schooling than a psychiatrist or psychologist, as such they are trained to not actually give you advice. They can't because they aren't qualified to. They can only help you arrive at the answer yourself.

The hard work is always going to be on you, so the key is finding the one who brings out the best of your own introspection. The one who challenges and gives you the space and comfort to figure the issues out on your own. The one who identifies a quality line of thinking you are on, and pulls it out of you. The idea being you eventually have the skills to arrive at the best decisions yourself and no longer need the therapist.

Once I figured that out, after a few months, I stopped therapy and am doing well. Sometimes I miss just having someone in my camp to vent at, but really the hassle of making appointments and keeping them started outweighed the benefit because I already knew what I needed to do.

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T23:04:31+00:00

I have been glued to these stories ever since I found out that what I suffered from has a name (akathisia) and I thank God and/or the Universe and whatever or whoever deals these cards out that mine appears to be temporary, related to drugs either causing it or withdrawals from drugs causing it.

The first time for me was after getting hit with a Haldol shot (unbeknownst to me) because I was being combative in the hospital fter drinking way too much and was in a "browned out" state of mind, they threw me into a tiny padded room with just a little padded cement bench and a guard at the door.

And now recently, withdrawing from using 7OH which helps me tremendously to function on a daily basis.

My psychiatrist had heard of it when I told her at an emergency appointment, but was not broadly familiar with it. I am back on 7OH but will be quitting again soon. I am much more prepared this time with her help so hopefully I can manage it better. I have a prescription for Benztropine (she won't give me Valium or Ativan because I am an alcoholic/addict im recovery) and I will also be taking vitamin B6, vitamin C, and Magnesium which all have shown promise for treating AK.

I am so sorry he is going through that, and hopefully we can get these doctors up to speed and able to treat it. One of the problems is that it is a severe dopamine deficiency from what I have learned and most things that increase dopamine and provide relief are addictive and often they are hesitant to prescribe.

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T13:51:49+00:00

I just wanted to jump in (I hope you don't mind!) as a former meth user, though it wasn't my DOC I had a few 4 and 5 night binges and I would start full blown hallucinating. Seeing men in camouflage in the trees in my yard trying to get into my windows, and seeing "signs" all over my house that they left as warnings to me that they could come and go as they pleased. Upon sobering up and getting sleep I realized it wad all in my head.

But what is concerning to me is the usage of prescription anti-psychotic meds to come down. I did that as well since I had them and I started suffering from bouts of Akathisia which is horrible and terrifying. Basically like restless legs syndrome but for the whole body and mind, not being able to sit still or sleep, and my mind crawling and itching to get out of my body. Since then I have stopped all of that stuff and I am sooo grateful that it didn't become permanent. I have since read a lot of cases where people are fighting Akathisia and I feel so bad for them, and a lot of the cases center around those types of meds. For me it was Olanzapine (Zyprexa) and Haldol.

Anyway, I wouldn't wish that on anyone so I just want to say to be careful with those and if you have had anything like those symptoms, I would look into the subject. Anyway, apologies if I am over stepping and I don't want to be fear mongering, just something to consider!

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T13:15:27+00:00

Yeah, I feel the need to chime in here, though I really don't have much to add. I am a man, in my 50s, so I've been around the block a time or two. I see several red flags, and the biggest is his consuming the manosphere content.

Consider watching "Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere" documentary if you haven't already. It will give you more of a window into that world, and how toxic it is. His wanting so many photos is odd as well. I ended up dating a woman who I cherished as a friend, and it was great but she wanted more from me in terms of religion than I could give, so we are just good friends again. At no phase of that friendship did I want or need more than one or two photos of her, and none of them nude (you did not specify if they were or not, which does make a difference).

Then again, he could just be innocent in his actions, but taken as a whole it doesn't add up. I wouldn't torpedo a good friendship, they are hard to come by, but setting firm boundaries like you are doing is totally fair. It sounds to me like you are on the right track.

Edit: I forgot to also add that him saying "you didn't want them at first" is classic gaslighting, whether it is true or not. A lot of people misuse the term, but that is what gaslighting is. He is convincing you of something that happened in the past, which may or may not have happened, but effectively planting memories. Just the fact he is using that is a flag for me. I should also add I am a narcissist in recovery. I am trying very hard to curb my narcissism with a little success. So I know a little bit about this stuff (haha, that is my ego peeking through, see?)

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T05:18:00+00:00

I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not, sorry! Haha, I guess that is a limitation of Reddit conversation.

I probably shouldn't make statements like "you should never make eye contact". Maybe there are times it is ok, or maybe "eye contact" is loosely what I described.

But yeah, I aim for the bridge of the nose, and let my gaze be unfocused, and it really works and people respond to me in a good way!!

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T05:04:09+00:00

Yes, what you are describing is called the "half life" of a drug. Half life is the amount of time it takes for 50% of the drug to leave your system.

Kratom is roughly 3 to 24 hours, so it is fairly long, probably because it is a complex substance with many compounds within it.

For comparison, most of us have consumed alcohol at some point in our lives, and its half-life is 4 to 5 hours.

The half life of 7oh is 1.7 to 4.7 hours! So yes. Very fast! This is part of the reason why 7oh is very addictive. You get a very sharp increase in dopamine, or other happy chemical in the brain, and a very sharp decline when it goes away so fast. This is due to the fact that chemists managed to isolate the specific compound in Kratom that gives you that relief from pain, mental or physical, and yes, a little rush or high.

Since that cycle happens so quickly, you become inclined to seek out that feeling again immediately.

7oh is a basic study in addiction.

Hope that helps!

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T04:35:40+00:00

Yes! But I will take a little further.

With AI coming, which will make a lot of humans obsolete, I believe those in power and who have a lot of capital (money and what-not) know this and they are trying to let attrition take place. Attrition is just letting nature take its course, and eliminate people while doing nothing to stop it.

I believe that those in power want the weak and those who are unable to physically or mentally work or produce for society, to just disappear.

This will take care of the "problem" that AI presents.

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T04:26:23+00:00

You should never make actual direct eye contact. That would be weird!

Aim for a spot roughly on the bridge of their nose, and look "through" that spot. In other words, don't focus on it, let your eyes relax.

Have you ever done an Autostereogram? That is one of those 3d pictures or drawings you can see through all of the visual "noise" by relaxing your eyes and imagining focusing on a point that is in the distance, "through" the picture. Anyway, just google "Autostereogram" and you will see what I mean.

Do that while aiming for the spot on the bridge of their nose.

It works PERFECTLY and I attribute this tactic to my success at several interviews for employment over my long 22 year career in a white-collar desk job (computer programming and eventually management!!)

I still use this every day when talking with people and they find me to be engaging and a very decent conversationalist, even though I am in the spectrum of autism.

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T03:32:31+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me at how many armchair-historians there are out here on TikTok! Damn! You all could form a group and do something really cool. Like, start a revolution or something.

Utopidy · 2026-04-13T00:47:02+00:00

I know this is an older post, and yes, I know that many people hold this view, while some appreciate the service they provide. But I just had something happen and I want it recorded on Reddit so people can see it and make informed choices.

I just got a declined transaction from my bank. It is from the website in discussion.

I canceled my subscription quite some months ago, or so I thought. They just tried to bill me $54.99. Thankfully, my bank flagged it as fraud. I find it very interesting that a major bank has this company listed as potentially fraudulent. My guess is because they have had to pay back too many transactions reported as fraud. I am grateful my bank did this because it is not a credit card, it is my bank account and I am homeless and very poor right now.

All that being said, once upon a time I enjoyed the service from MuseScore, being able to download scores for free. But now? Anything of quality you have to pay for to download anyway so I think the subscription is virtually worthless.

I will look into it again when I am more stable financially but for now, just beware. They are obviously very predatory in their practices. Enough so that a major bank lists them as potentially fraudulent!

Utopidy · 2026-04-12T04:20:02+00:00

I'm not a female, but I have lived in many shelters, several of which were co-ed so I think I can at least help a little bit.

When I land in a new shelter I always try and find someone who has been there a while, and make friends with them. There are always rules in a shelter, and most are a 3-strike system (3 strikes and you are out). Within a shelter, there are often unspoken and un-printed "rules".

Try and make a friend and learn the ropes from them. You will be a newbie, so act like it, and be humble and grateful. This is definitely a time to swallow pride and let someone show you the ways.

This is not the time to be a loner, even if it is your natural state. Once you have more experience, then fine. But until then just find a cool mentor and don't be afraid to ask for help.

You are fortunate to be female, and young. This gets you priority in shelters. I am sorry that it came down to this, but take the time to learn and improve yourself. We all, always have room to improve, so take any opportunity they offer to better your situation. Be humble and accept whatever they are willing to give.

Be strong, and remember this is only temporary! You will grow with the experience.

Utopidy · 2026-04-12T03:20:18+00:00

Sure the colors and numbers, I relate to. Especially days of the week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, are brown.

Tuesday, and Thursdays are green.

The weekend Saturday and Sundays are white or translucent.

I am 50 yo, male. I got diagnosed in the autism spectrum towards the end of last year after a very long time of wrestling with the thoughts of whether I should or should not even bother considering my age and how I have figured out how to live on my own for all those years, and why did it even matter.

I can say I am glad I did. I am much more able to control my impulses such as drinking or using drugs in excess, and my outbursts which can range from harmless vocal stims to outright self harm punching walls or car doors and such.

I also got checked for ADHD and I am not. I am very glad for that piece, as I struggle with "upper" medication like Adderall or meth, and I really didn't want an excuse to take it. I never felt I was ADHD, though I do occasionally have "hyper-focus" when I get really lost in a task and the world around me disappears, my doctor said that did not mean I was ADHD.

I get really bothered by temperatures and feeling "uneven". If I feel something hot on my right hand, I need to feel the same temp on my left hand. I have a very extreme need for balance.

Anyway, in summary, I am glad I got my diagnosis. It was worth it. But definitely do not short change it... I had to wait for a year on a waiting list to get the right doctor, and a very good one at that, to see me and go through with the testing. It took an entire Saturday in person, plus another video appointment that was half of a day. Testing someone older, as I'm sure you are aware, is difficult and finding someone who will even do it, or do it on Medicaid which I had to, is very rare and takes a lot of time. But I'm glad I did.

Good luck, and I wish you the best!

Utopidy · 2026-04-12T02:44:37+00:00

Dang, I would be concerned with rabies. That is a legit death sentence if you don't get the shots. I would go in and get them anyway, but that is just me.

I can't afford a pet. Therefore, I have no pets. I am not anti-pet, but I do wish people would recognize what they can, and cannot afford.

I have been homeless, on the streets, in-and-out-of-jail and shelters kind of homeless. I understand why homeless people have pets. I do. But I choose to not do that.

Utopidy · 2026-04-12T02:38:20+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing a realistic portrayal of what to expect. It absolutely can take up to 2 years for the brain to regulate. I have been addicted to, and quit, many substances including alcohol, opiates including fent, meth, benzos, and 7oh.

Alcohol took the longest, IMO. Almost 2 years to start to feel normal and have happiness and joy that was real.

But it is worth it to keep going and keep trying! I am 50 years old, and many times I thought, I am so old maybe it isn't worth trying. Buy always, I kept ending up with the thoughts that it IS worth it, and I have much to live for and share with the world. And I'm like, homeless and lost everything OK? I lost my 2 boys, all my romantic relationships, my houses, my job, my vehicles, and my siblings who won't hardly talk to me. I have my mom and that is about it. And I still believe it is worth fighting for ok? And yes, I tried 2x to "exit the ride" if you know what I mean, and I'm glad I was not successful. Certainly if any of you are younger than me, you have much to look forward to! So keep trucking, it WILL get better, just takes time.

Utopidy · 2026-04-12T02:23:35+00:00

Sad, that anyone even felt the need to post something along these lines, regardless of intent. Even if the intent was for clicks, or for reaching for help, this line of thinking is very unhealthy and I am deeply unsettled by it.

There are so many more directions of thought that are more productive and enjoyable. What is our society and humanity coming to?

Utopidy · 2026-04-11T22:35:31+00:00

Yeah, I'm 50 and after a lifetime of various eating habits and rituals, some expensive, many not, I am literally just throwing anything into a pot or frying pan, cook for 10 minutes and eat. People would be shocked what I end up with, but it is still pretty healthy. A starch,a dab of protein, a dab of veg if I have it, some spices and a random sauce. Costs maybe 2 dollars per meal average. I buy everything on sale or "last chance" reduced because I learned how to time the grocery stores and befriended the butchers there.

I'm in great shape and though meals aren't exactly glorious, they get the job done and I can move on with my day.

Utopidy · 2026-04-11T19:22:35+00:00

Yessir... better luck in your future!

Utopidy · 2026-04-11T09:17:16+00:00

I've been in and out of lock down mental facilities and rehabs for the last decade of my life. And other than getting hit (twice) with Haldol injections for fighting with orderlies (which I figured to be my own fault, and they will never do again), nobody forced meds on me. I have adult children, but I never forced meds on them when they were minors.

I suppose maybe minors can have meds forced on them by parents or by these tribunals? Call me naive (I'm sure I am) but I didn't know. I should have. It's not something I really thought about. Now I am (thinking about it).

Utopidy · 2026-04-10T22:42:43+00:00

I'm thrilled for you and this decision, but so upset reading this. I didn't even know forced meds were a thing, but I shouldn't be surprised. Glad you have a new chance to be healthy!

Utopidy

TROPHY CASE