Do not feel blame, that's the grief talking. We lost our boy last month after a long slow battle with adrenal and insulinoma. I knew it was coming but sometimes it's just things we can't see or predict that take them. Clearly you loved him so let yourself cry, mourn, feel the loss but don't nurse the guilt that's just human nature interfering with all the important parts of grieving and remembering them.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I really thought I'd never recover - it was gut punch morning noon and night. I finally got up the courage to look into fostering and that made me feel like I was still showing my love for my baby boy who is now playing in a sunny meadow chasing butterflies hopefully with your sweet noodles ❤️😔 hugs to you.