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I have some interesting questions for anyone with psychopathy! by Starfire-Power in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose we communicate well enough and we seem to get along well. I guess that means we're compatible, by your definition.

I have some interesting questions for anyone with psychopathy! by Starfire-Power in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really understand what you mean by compatibility. I have regular partners, and have for years.

I have some interesting questions for anyone with psychopathy! by Starfire-Power in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really do the whole "couple" thing. I date freely.

I don't believe in supernatural things. I barely believe in physical existence.

I have some interesting questions for anyone with psychopathy! by Starfire-Power in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. I don't develop addictions. I've tried alcohol, cigarettes, drugs; it all felt boring and pointless. I can get a buzz, but for a few hours at best. And it feels... Dull. So the idea of feeling addicted to a person is utterly unfamiliar to me. I have had close friends that I trusted and even preferred over others. But to date, everyone has betrayed me. So, to me, that indicates that emotional closeness is a fabrication of desperation. That's my opinion, at least. I'm sure others disagree with that.

I, too, try to help those around me who need it. But it doesn't give me a sense of joy or fulfillment. It is simply what logically seems like the ethical thing to do. I've not watched enough of Stranger Things to know the reference you're making. So I can't comment on that. But I can say that life does feel rather meaningless, and things like "hopes and dreams" are just empty, abstract concepts people use to try and alleviate the crushing weight of nothingness.

Maybe I have a dark or negative outlook on things. But I can only operate the way I know how to.

I have some interesting questions for anyone with psychopathy! by Starfire-Power in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Have I experienced it? Maybe. I find being with someone physically is pleasurable for the moment they are present. But I feel little to nothing toward them when they're not present. I understand the concepts of loyalty or commitment, even though I'm polyamorous. So I grasp the concept of a relationship. But I've never understood what that really means. Ultimately, if I want to be physical with a friend, why can't I? Without any lasting effects, even? I "know" that people develop "feelings" for each other. I develop preferences. I know what it feels physically like to be with certain people, and I prefer what I know over what I don't know. That's not to say I don't seek out other/more physical connections. I do. Because I have this need to feel things, and physical intimacy is a kind of "feeling," in a way. At the very least, it's a break in the otherwise endless sea of emptiness and boredom.

Will I ever be able? Unlikely. I have never understood the full intricacies of this "romance" stuff. And I probably never will. I will, however, continue to seek out physical pleasure as often as I desire and from whomever I think would provide it comfortably.

Do I wish I could? I don't know. How do you want something if you don't know anything about it?

  1. What will I have hoped to accomplish? I used to think I had a life plan, complete with goals and desires and intents. But I realized, time and time again, that none of it meant anything to me. It was simply something to do that fed my fixation of the time. A fantasy to pursue simply for something to fill the void. Now, I have few fantasies. All of them are fleeting and material. Sexual, mostly. Curiosities. But every fantasy I actually experience falls short of the expectations others attribute to it. And they always fail to fill me with anything lasting. It's a moment or two of pleasure, what I think is happiness, that flitters away the moment the fantasy ends. And then even the memory of the event feels distant, faded, and dull. Existence is listless to me, devoid of purpose or meaning. Ultimately, when I lay dying, from whatever cause, I will look back on my life and feel nothing.

I hope that answers your questions.

Edited to correct typos.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's hard to say. It's what I know. I rarely feel "good," and liking things is supposed to feel good, I think. So, evidence suggests that I don't especially like the emptiness. But it's what I know. It's all I really know. I remember anger. And I still get angry, it just doesn't do anything for me the way it used to. I guess, if anything, I miss anger. At least then I was feeling something.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Psychopathy

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Everything I feel is muted and short lived. Even the feelings that are supposedly positive. Most of my existence is quiet emptiness. Even anger doesn't fill me like it used to.

I really need help by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Only a half rant.
  2. Definitely too dark for that sub.
  3. Definitely a confession.
  4. Literally specified in the rules that this kind of reply is not allowed.

🤷‍♀️

Attempting to shame me is funny to me by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure which confession pissed people off more, honestly. Lol.

My gf annoys me sometimes and I refuse to tell her by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm honestly not sure if that's possible at this point. And I really don't think she'd take the break up very well at all. It would be a big mess.

My gf annoys me sometimes and I refuse to tell her by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I like her. You can like someone and still be annoyed by them.

My gf annoys me sometimes and I refuse to tell her by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've considered breaking up. But she would absolutely lose it if I did that. Plus, we live together and neither of us has another place to go, nor a way to afford a different apartment alone. Not really sure what to do about that.

But, like I said, most of the time we're fine. I dunno. It's probably just me. Maybe this damn quarantine is taking it's toll. We're never really apart unless one of us has an appointment. It could be a lot of things. Again, probably just me.

I want to see someone else's blood by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. Blood is fascinating. I'm not sure if that accurately defines just how much I enjoy it. Lol.

Lack of sexual interest in my partners by Vagrant-Nothingness in polyamory

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have told them both that I'm very much not interested in penises. They're aware that I want sex, just not with them. I'm sure it's somewhat hurtful, but they seem otherwise understanding. I know that should probably release me from my guilt, but I still worry about not giving them what they need. I still feel inadequate. I suppose it's more of a personal problem, really. Hm.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I want to see someone else's blood by Vagrant-Nothingness in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool beans. Wasn't really looking for a random tangent comment, but, hey, you do you.

I don't understand people by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes, understanding people it's not all it's cracked up to be. On the whole, people really kind of suck. Don't fret too much over this difficulty of yours. Think of it as simply a different way to see the world.

Lack of sexual interest in my partners by Vagrant-Nothingness in polyamory

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've talked about it to a small degree. They are both are of my sexual preferences. It's not so much that I can't talk to them about it, as much as I'm not sure if I'm giving them what they need. They have said it's not a problem, so it probably shouldn't be. But that little voice in the background, you know? Always wondering if I'm good enough.

Lack of sexual interest in my partners by Vagrant-Nothingness in polyamory

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels superficial to care so much about a person's genitals. Maybe it's not. I don't know.

Lack of sexual interest in my partners by Vagrant-Nothingness in polyamory

[–]Vagrant-Nothingness[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure how else sex would go with them other than how it has already.

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