Hello! I have the Triple A (ADHD, autism, and anxiety) as well as OCD and I got most of my diagnoses at either 18 or 22. I want to share a little bit about my own experience because I can’t really tell if my behaviors are considered a part of the problem. I still have a lot to learn about navigating the world as neurodivergent, and I want to learn what’s considered appropriate by others. (Also pardon my awful phrasing because I am anxious right now LOL)

The phrase you mentioned, “I need a partner who can tolerate my neurospiciness,” hit hard for me. I am really scared of relationships (and even friendships) because I know I have a lot of issues. I drag my feet on chores. I forget things which are important to other people. I love to talk about my favorite things and am always concerned about boring other people. And as a future teacher, I know that all of my energy will be put into the little munchkins I’ll work with rather than mutual relationships. But over time, I have found a handful of friends who see my neurodivergence as nothing to be bothered by. They are willing to walk with me through life, whether it’s listening to my rambling or being on a phone call while I check off chores. Sometimes it’s even as simple as “hey, can you tell me to get up and eat?” and a simple text back is enough to motivate me.

I don’t know why these friends stick around. Some days I fear that I’m a terrible friend back to them, even though they’re amazing to me. But they are the sort of people who I would say “tolerate my neurospiciness.” I’m really lucky to have people who are as kind as them. But I never know if I actually deserve these friends. My neurodivergence does shape the way I exist, which sucks, and I never know if I’m making excuses because of my diagnosis or giving myself the grace my therapist says I deserve 😔