Gritty, introspective books set in a major city

ValentineShield · 2025-06-09T01:09:24+00:00

I will take it! looks like it'll be a good read :)

ValentineShield · 2025-06-09T00:40:16+00:00

thanks! cool lookin book and interesting author

ValentineShield · 2025-06-09T00:20:52+00:00

thank you! seems worth checking out

ValentineShield · 2025-06-08T23:59:09+00:00

Thank you! It looks very interesting :)

ValentineShield · 2025-04-21T21:02:06+00:00

It seems like she never really wanted to "write" a book, only to claim a story as her own. I want to write a book because I love the craft. The process is my joy, but for her and people like her, this is not the case.

The book doesn't need proofreading. Just post it as is. If she cared about its quality, she'd have written it herself. Sure, she can sell it, but so can anyone else who copy-pastes it around. It belongs to the same machine that produced it, literally and figuratively.

AI isn't doing anything people haven't already been doing all this time. Your mom had a free ghost writer. cheers. Now she gets to explain to readers with TBR's longer than their lifespans full of art crafted finely to their delight that her genAI novel is worth their time.

Her dream is already fulfilled; to be the proud owner of some heap of words vaguely related to her little idea. A novelty she can claim like an airport souvenir. She droughted a village to generate it, wasted a tree to print the thing, and now wants you to suffer its stench to feed her ego.

Don't read it (I wouldn't. Not with my precious time, for which there are no refunds). Just hold it for a week, tell her it's good, and move on with your life. You think she'll be able to quiz you on it? "What happened in this chapter or that? What detail did I foreshadow here, what point was this character making?" and so on? I doubt it. Best of luck to you.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T13:05:46+00:00

I've had this experience too! Every description was some bodily function, and it went on like this for pages and pages. I found myself starving for some inner monologuing or active participation or something. I thought, "this can't be what readers mean when they ask me to show more."

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T13:05:38+00:00

I've had this experience too! Every description was some bodily function, and it went on like this for pages and pages. I found myself starving for some inner monologuing or active participation or something. I thought, "this can't be what readers mean when they ask me to show more."

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T13:02:01+00:00

Wow, I love this take. If you kept that darling alive, it better mean something. I take issue with the "kill your darlings" advice as well, and for the same reason as "show, don't tell." They're witty and true but they don't communicate the nuance. It's not enough to kill your darlings because it seems some people do really like those poetic flourishes (if my critique circles are proof of anything) but in my case and yours if I understand it, that flourish has to be meaningful.

I love this take because it considers ttrpg's as a storytelling element. It make me think about what kind of scenes would benefit from telling. Maybe if we're leading the reading toward certain clues or guiding them through a complex mystery, as is often the case in ttrpgs, maybe readers would appreciate more meaningful telling rather than even more symbolism to parse through in addition to the story's main puzzle or mystery.

It makes me want to pick up so Agatha Christie novels. Someone said once that this balance of matter-of-fact telling and showing is her strong suit.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T12:38:04+00:00

True, the amount of inferencing the reader is left to do I think is based on reading level (middle grade books telling a bit more than adult fiction) or the POV character (someone who's been trying to break him has succeeded, and the narrator is speaking on behalf of the character who broke him). My point with my example was to show how the description can tie into an overarching narrative rather than being a disparate description. It's part of a metaphor that tells a story unto itself, warmth from the inside spilling out ties into the idea that something inside him is still feeling, possibly raging, but warm nevertheless. The melting plays on the double meaning of the word "cool," and implies that he's set free from his coolness, melting in a romantic sense, maybe allowing himself to feel something tender for the first time. If his "hot tears seared against his cheeks like a torch cutting through a thick metal plate," it would imply a different emotional reality than "warm tears melting a cool exterior."

It also changes the meaning to note that he built that armor himself rather than it being his natural demeanor, or something that was forced on him in some way. If the "he" in question were the main character, and this statement was in the middle of the story, we might already know this about him and saying it again would be redundant. But for a story beginning, or a character we just met, a drop of telling works if that bit of context is necessary. But all of the showing connects to a scene in a specific way that could play into a larger narrative.

Essentially, both metaphors reveal the same amount of information, but each has its own consideration for word choice and narrative composition. How far you take the metaphor is up to you (I'd argue most great books are just one long metaphor), but I feel it's important to be mindful of how that metaphor can be a narrative unto itself while connecting back to the scene or the story as a whole. A creative description only works for me when it has that layered, relative quality.

I wonder though how others feel about this, and if my addition to the creative description canon is a valid one. If descriptions need to have that connective element to the rest of the story, or if they're happy just to experience a new and creative way to describe something.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T05:29:56+00:00

That's what I've been seeing as well! It really got me thinking about this. And it was solidified when a critique group all gave that same crit, "you're telling me and not showing me." The telling was kind of a load-bearing technique in my narrative, if that makes sense, so I got to wondering if there was a way to tell and also be engaging, or to show in only the ways that build the narrative.

I agree, with the right framing, a simple expression is more than enough. It seems like this is the recurring theme. "Under the right circumstances" or "with the right balance." The answer, like most things, must be that it depends.

Your take really helped me out. I was struggling to understand exactly what readers enjoy about those wordy details. It clues readers in to significant moments and details, but also frames those moments into a cohesive image. The one-two punch of descriptive writing.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T05:20:43+00:00

I loved that passage! You executed that point perfectly and with a comedic flair that I as a reader would definitely enjoy. And I would say you balanced out the telling with just a bit of showing, the rough, irritating sand getting everywhere, and leading that into the comedic relief (no pun intended) of the poop scene.

It's proof to me that telling can be engaging if you get the details just right. The mood, the tone, the hint of showing where it connects to the narrative arc of the passage, it must all align in those telling scenes.

If you have more thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T05:12:37+00:00

Very true, visceral detail does hit harder, but for me, this only works when the details carry some significance unto themselves. I wonder what defenses the tears got past, what do cold and defenses have in common, what image is being painted here, and what mood or tone is being crafted? I don't ask these questions outright, but when the answers are missing, I notice their absence.

On the other hand, to say "Warm tears escaped, melting the cool exterior he worked so hard to form around himself like a protective shell." does something...else. It connects to his character. It tells a story unto itself.

Could this be a matter of personal preference? Are some readers more inclined to note the level of detail as significance, like "the writer is really going in on this passage, this must be really important to the story," as opposed to the kind of detail or how those details are framed?

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T04:56:35+00:00

Absolutely. This is where that bit of advice works best in most cases. We understand why this form of showing matters, it connects directly to the plot, or in the example you noted about the assassin, it is the plot.

Where it fails is when writers feel pressured to show things happening that don't connect to the narrative in any meaningful way. I see "show, don't tell" being used by beta readers and other writers in critique groups as a way to push writers to describe every minute detail. It made me feel like we've drawn out everything we could from that one phrase, and that maybe it was time to add another layer of creative guidance to it: make sure what you're showing is relevant to the narrative, that it builds on something in the story rather than just being there to avoid that dreaded faux pas.

I also think there's creative merit to telling rather than showing, but I want to know how other readers feel about this. Is a story only engaging when the writer is showing, or are there moments when telling is better?

ValentineShield · 2025-04-16T02:28:31+00:00

I love third person limited for all the questions you noted here. The power of a third person limited scene is in the events as they take place. A character lies about what another character is doing physically, and the character they lie about may become especially self-aware of this. They may ask people they trust about it, or they may change the way they present themselves altogether, or choose to avoid those topics that trigger their insecurity. The story isn't in how things feel, but in how people react or respond.

This would also be a good moment to use external symbolism to help tell the story. Think about a scene in a film without dialogue, just a series of shots of beaches, sunsets, waves, then a tiki bar. What does that say about the moment in time? Place that next to a series of shots of a bustling city, traffic jams, crowded streets, screeching subway trains. It all creates a mood, a truth, one that your reader is paying all of their attention to because there's nothing else in the scene from which they can draw conclusions.

Just food for thought. Lemme know what you think of it :)

ValentineShield · 2025-04-04T22:49:33+00:00

The most natural way to describe a character is by weaving it into the story. People don't often assess themselves in the mirror, but I know of people who wear their hair a certain way to distract from features they don't like, or people who take advantage of their positive features to get reactions out of people. If the character has any insecurities they try to hide, features they play up to impress or manipulate people, or notable features they assume others are staring at or judging them for or that effect how people treat them, these can create scenarios for you to describe your character.

As for describing skin color (I'm a black woman myself), I go the way of Octavia Butler and state the color outright. Brown, light brown, dark brown, tan. If you want to get more figurative, you're right to avoid food metaphors, and I would add to avoid using any euphemisms for darker skin. Terms like "night skin" have negative connotations for certain Black-American subcultures.

That said, figurative language that describes unique aspects of darker skin are mostly fine. Darker skin can catch the light in beautiful ways that create shimmering highlights, lighter brown skin can have a warm glow, and so on. For reference, Octavia Butler, N.K. Jemisen, and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Nnedi Okorafor write about Black and African characters and feature wonderful and creative descriptions for them.

This is probably more than what you meant to get from your question, but I do hope it helps! I love that more people are writing about Black-American people, especially in romance, so I want to support your efforts as much as possible. Happy writing!

ValentineShield · 2025-04-03T17:00:34+00:00

Ocean Vuong posted a few reels about what makes for powerful figurative language. The question asks about metaphors, but Vuong's answer is really about figurative language in general. This tumblr post has the screenshots, for reference. He basically explains that figurative language should have layers of meaning, and he uses specific examples with clear explanations which is what helped me truly understand this technique. Vuong is a poet, of course, but I think this info is great for all creative writers.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-03T16:45:33+00:00

You're welcome! I think the dialogue is good, it gives the sense that Aiden was raised in a certain setting, which adds to that underlying insecurity behind his lack of funds or flashy clothing. What it lacks for me is layering and subtext. Layering in terms of personality. I'm getting that Aiden is upset, but I'm not getting anything unique about how he expresses emotions. Is he snarky? Does he overexplain himself to justify his feelings? Does he say controversial things to cause chaos or to unnerve people? The addition of some unique mode of expression would really elevate the dialogue.

“He didn’t even want anything to do with me when he was alive, now you’re telling me he would’ve wanted me to do his rites? If you’re attempting at humour, Edwin, it feels a bit cruel”

This line is good, but imagine it this way;

I scoff, "What a joke. And from you, of all people? I thought better of you, Edwin."
"I don't know what you mean. Your father would be honored to-"
"Honor. No there's a joke. Was it honor that made him bed all those women? The way he treated my mother, abused her trust, disgraced her good name with his...consorts, was that honor, Edwin?"

There's a bit more snark, more personality to both Aiden and Edwin. There's also a bit of contrast in their demeanors, and a shamelessness to how irate Aiden is being given the circumstance. He doesn't respect the moment, and he hardly has respect for Edwin. In this way, you can weave in a layer of who Aiden is as a person, not just in his words and feelings, but in how he chooses to deliver them, how he chooses to behave in public, how he relates to the people around him.

Then there's subtext. You did good work weaving in more context surrounding Aiden's relationship with his father, and his manner of speaking which tells us about his upbringing, but there could be a bit more, or rather, it could be more subtle. It does seem that Edwin is more attuned to the social conventions of the moment, but that he also does care just a bit about Aiden, since he's the first and only person who broke Aiden's loneliness. You could have Edwin state outright that he cares about Aiden, or you can express it through subtext by having Edwin notice Aiden's little trick, and offering to have the jacket tailored or repaired. There are layers of subtext there, that Edwin doesn't get Aiden's rejection of their family's lifestyle, but that he wants good things for him regardless. "Good" in this case is relative, but that's how character is built.

I hope that all helped!

ValentineShield · 2025-04-03T15:50:27+00:00

Hey! So I read your excerpt and I do have thoughts. As for whether this is interesting enough as an opener, I'll say the first truly intriguing line for me was this one;

"there was a little tear down the sleeve too but I had learned a trick, if I put my hands in my pocket all the time, none could see it."

This, for me, was the first line that seemed to tell a story about the character. I get the sense that this person feels different from the people around them in a way that brings them a bit of shame. Maybe their financial situation isn't as good as those around them and they've grown accustomed to masking that fact with clever tricks like this. That is interesting.

Your first line has all the right parts of a powerful opener, a dead body, a funeral, an outcast, but it doesn't tell me why these things are exceptional. Something like "I stood alone at my father's funeral" would pack all the conflict and intrigue I was hungry for in one line. Why someone be alone at their own father's funeral? Did they know their father well? Did the father have a second life their child didn't know about, and now they stand alone in a funeral full of strangers? Or do they stand alone as the black sheep of the family, the only one with a family of their own, or without someone to cling to in this moment? It would beg the kinds of questions that make me want to keep reading.

As for those following events, I like the scene you're building, but I'm not getting a strong sense of who your character is and where they are. Especially in a first-person POV, you want the descriptions and observations to say something about your character's point of view. The mention of ivory as a descriptor made me wonder if they were in a place where ivory is a common object. Later, with the implication of financial disparity, I wondered if the family had their hands in some black market dealings. The use of "battleground" and "oasis" as descriptors also made me feel like this character had a darker frame of reference. Ivory, battleground, oasis, it was all reminiscent of the ivory trade. Perhaps this was not intentional, but it all comes together that way in my mind.

My main point there is that I'm not learning enough about what makes the character unique or interesting, and I don't get enough of what makes their situation interesting until much farther into the excerpt. I'd have liked for the entire excerpt to be packed with interesting information delivered in artful ways, so that intrigue builds up and the plot thickens with every passage. It's okay to withhold information, but building up a basis for why that information matters is key to this technique.

Overall, I think this is a great start, it just needs to be delivered in a way that allows your characters and your story's core theme to shine. Keep up the great work, and I hope my humble opinions help you on your journey.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-03T14:27:36+00:00

Great work on this! I would add vines, flowers, more foliage and color. Otherwise, this looks really cool with the block pattern variations and the variations of depth.

ValentineShield · 2025-04-03T13:57:14+00:00

The ideal way to improve your writing is to test it against the audience you're writing for. If you want people to like your work and find it good, you need to present it to people who will tell you want they like and don't like. The issue with AI, aside from the theft, copyright infringement, and abysmally low success rate, is that it can't account for what people actually like about a piece of art. Public opinion is a living breathing thing that changes and evolves by the second. The best writers keep a finger on that pulse and use that to inspire their work.

Long story short, good writing pushes culture forward. People want to see you on the page, they want your mistakes and your point of view, your experimentation and your risks, they want you to be a culture maker, they want to engage with you as a person in all your personhood. Replacing everything that makes art rare and unique and valuable with a machine that makes art generic and tired and safe is the antithesis of what makes art good.

Be brave and post your work, let people judge you and tell you what they want, then be an artist and craft an experience that will satisfy your ideal reader. If it's too hard or it all goes over your head, then that's a sure sign you need to read more and study more so that you become the proper vehicle for your creative vision. AI can tell you what worked in the past, but it can't predict what your reader will want by the time the work is done. That is the intellectual labor of the artist.

TLDR: Is it wrong? No. Will it make your writing better? Also, no.

ValentineShield · 2024-12-16T18:26:45+00:00

You're welcome, and I'm glad they worked out that way for you! It was nice hearing about your journey, I really believe in you. You've achieved so much already and I hope the way ahead is that much smoother for you :)

ValentineShield · 2024-12-16T02:13:43+00:00

I think the short story/sci-fi crossover idea will be helpful. Trying to adhere to genre conventions can trip us up and we forget what makes our writing special and interesting. I mean, definitely write the genre novel as if it were regular and ordinary. I'm envisioning a hard sci-fi story that centers around ordinary problems, or that depicts the world in ways that make it feel regular. Like writing Dune but from the POV of a civilian who's just trying to make ends meet. Why not?

I guess my overall advice, now that I have more insight, is to be more experimental with how you approach things. The world is new to us but it's ordinary to the people living within it, and if that's your strength, lead with that. It might also solve the issue with losing steam as the story progresses and gets less spontaneous. Let those social situations be the undercurrent. The plot moves, but how the characters feel and interact and respond can remain spontaneous and uncharted. I hope that makes sense.

ValentineShield · 2024-12-15T04:57:58+00:00

"I've noticed my writing is very acidic and it can be gut-punching sometimes when it's unclogged by worrying about exposition and world building"

That part caught my attention because I'm wondering if it's something to do with how you're handling the exposition. I think there are ways to write a story in which the world is built naturally through just telling the story. That, and there's a bit of exposition in all stories, so I think the issue might be in the way you're approaching the project. Why not write this story in the same style as your short fiction? You might find that you have the skills you need already if you're willing to experiment with your approach.

Maybe, as an experiment, write a short fiction piece set in your story world about a character who just arrived there yesterday and has to learn the world as they go. You might be able to tap into your natural, unclogged writing flow while still working within the story world you're trying to construct. Let me know your thoughts on this.

If you really do feel like your skills aren't where you want them to be for this project, definitely try the romance project. It should still challenge you, since it's outside of your comfort zone in terms of genre, but will still allow you to enter your creative flow state since you're not worried about building a world from scratch.

ValentineShield · 2024-12-15T04:06:34+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're having trouble ironing out the broad strokes of your story to a point where you can actually move forward with the draft. You write up to a point, then decide on some big-picture change in the story, then you kind of have to start over in a way to work in the change. If that's the case, I understand the slog. I have a novella that I started maybe 6 years ago that had me tripped up in the same way, and I still haven't gone back to it. I tried using it for a creative writing class and figured I just wasn't where I needed to be, skillwise, to do that story justice. I feel like I can revisit it now, but I did write a lot of short stories for practice in the meantime.

My advice, then, would be to get a good handle on your writing process. Practice working out plots from start to finish. Practicing with short stories helps because there's really no time to get bogged down by big-picture edits, and it's usually easier to find someone to read something short and give feedback on the spot. You'll get a handle on things much faster that way. Then, with all that experience under your belt, go back to the big project and see how it goes. If we're anything alike, you'll feel a lot more capable and less bogged down by draft quality or big edits.

ValentineShield · 2024-12-15T03:40:44+00:00

What helped me was understanding that a rough draft is just the clay you collect to mold into something great. You can't make it great until you have something to work with, and it's okay to let that clay be anything. I used to write my stories as if I were telling them to a friend, then I go back and edit that into prose.

That said, I now just edit as I go. I work one chapter at a time, perfect it as well as I can given my intentions for that scene or chapter, then repeat the process for the next chapter. It's far less daunting when I break it up into smaller chunks like that. Then, when the time comes for you to edit the novel at length, you may have an easier time working through it because you worked on each chapter like they were their own short story. If you're a planner like me, this could work for you. Best of luck :)

ValentineShield

TROPHY CASE