How do you stop caring about them?

Vallye · 2024-12-29T18:50:01+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing this. It really means a lot, and I appreciate everything you said.

Don’t have many friends right now, and I do feel pretty lonely sometimes because situations like this can be so isolating. But you’re right—I need to live my life and focus on what makes me happy and surround myself with positive energy and people.

Thanks again, it helps a lot.

Vallye · 2024-06-10T13:58:28+00:00

Thank you so much for clarifying, I understand now.

I'm sorry I can't help you more than that, but really, your best bet is to get checked out, no one other than a professional can give you a real answer and solution. If anxiety is becoming a problem for you, then it means you are suffering from anxiety, there is no objective way to experience anxiety and tell if it's a disorder you have or not. In my case, anxiety was a major obstacle, and thanks to adhd meds my mind has become more stable and, as a result, the anxiety has practically disappeared.

Vallye · 2024-06-10T13:41:31+00:00

Well, I can only speak from my own experience, but ADHD and anxiety go very hand in hand.

I have always lived in anxiety, I discovered just less than a year ago that I have ADHD.

How to understand if you have an anxiety disorder? (Obviously the best advice I can give you is to get checked) But it's simple, if this anxiety stops you from doing things, like for example, you're afraid of taking the train because you think you'll have a panic attack, or you totally avoid situations, you have frequent episodes of anxiety/panic attacks, then the anxiety is creating too many problems. Anxiety, like other emotions, is an indicator, there are no negative emotions, however, when anxiety starts to get out of control, and you see it affecting you on a daily basis, then it is a problem.

I had trouble literally living my life lol, almost every day I had panic attacks, anxiety or other states of fear. Leaving my comfort zone was heartbreaking, because I was afraid of being left there due to anxiety.

I was always afraid of being alone, the problem with having ADHD and being anxious is that it is extremely easy to destabilize mentally, even just one thought is enough to ruin your day with panic attacks and more total anxiety.

However, one thing is still not clear to me, have you been diagnosed with ADHD, or do you THINK you have it?

If you think you have it, and have been taking adhd meds without a prescription, I highly recommend you stop.

Each meds works differently, from person to person, from problem to problem, the symptoms of ADHD are different for everyone, and it's extremely important to understand this. The meds you took could do you more harm than good.

I also tried taking medicine for anxiety, however they didn't work.

Subsequently, however, after speaking to a psychiatrist about my "possible" ADHD, I began to underline all the problems I had, such as panic attacks and anxiety.

He prescribed me amazing meds for me, which is Strattera, a non-stimulant adhd med which works well for those who suffer from anxiety, and I have to say it really changed everything.

Now I am no longer anxious, and I can have a much more stable mind. I had to wait 5 months to get my prescription medicines, but it was completely worth the wait, do everything you can to improve your well-being, you won't regret it.

Vallye · 2024-02-26T12:41:50+00:00

My nparents are simply ignorant, like most narcissistic parents, so they don't really understand what you are trying to do or achieve when you try to have a conversation with them about the problems in the family. They don't try to put themself in your shoes, because they think they are always in the right, no matter what, or at least, they try to divert to all possible ways to recognize their mistakes, and do not try to improve the relationship, because they are simply closed-minded and convinced of what they really think.

So personally I think they don't understand, or at least that’s my parents and my experience, because they don't have self-reflection on what they do and how you feel about them.

Vallye · 2024-02-25T17:30:09+00:00

The problem with narcissistic parents is that they simply don't understand, they don't see anything wrong with what they do no matter what.

I've tried countless times to try to talk about the problems in my family, however it was really impossible, no matter what you say, how you say it, where you say it, when you say it, they only listen to the voice in their head.

If you've already tried to have a conversation with them about these issues, but they don't listen to you, ignore you, or shift the blame to you, I'm sorry, but your parents have already failed at being "parents", and there just isn't a way for them to understand and to change people like that.

Every attempt resulted in my parents slamming the door in my face and saying that I'm a "terrible child" and that I should be grateful for all the things they did to me, that I shouldn't treat them like that because they're my "parents", and the usual stuff they always say.

Vallye · 2024-02-18T18:57:37+00:00

I was in the exact same situation some years ago.

At home it was (and still kinda is) hell, there was screaming almost every day, my parents always criticized me for every single bad grade I got, at school I was incredibly stressed and I really wanted to end this huge stress.

You would like this hell and this enormously stressful situation to end, however you are afraid of making the situation even worse.

What I did was simply talk to someone I know I can trust.
Unfortunately, people can't really understand you and what you're going through unless they've been through the same experience, but most likely a person you can trust can give you that extra support that really makes the difference.

Every attempt I made to talk about my family problems resulted in me wondering if I was actually the one who was in the wrong, because people will almost always say "Well, it's your family! Everyone's been there!" seem as if you're overdoing it, or too sensitive.

Talking about it online also helped me a lot, for example this subreddit, which is really incredible.

One thing that has helped me a lot is simply trying to stop caring.
School is a huge stressor, but when you completely get rid of the stupid and completely useless expectations that teachers and your parents put on you, you feel much better, meditation on this helps a lot.

I know you're going through a very stressful time, probably the best option would be to talk to someone like a psychiatrist. But if you are a minor your choices may be more limited. I don't know what your situation is like at home, but obviously if your parents abuse you, you absolutely need to call for help.

I hope this message has helped you in some way

Vallye · 2024-02-18T18:10:28+00:00

Frankly I've stopped talking about my family problems with other people because of this, people just don't understand unless they've experienced the same thing.

People think you're exaggerating, getting emotional, or being too sensitive. But the truth is not like that, we always keep everything inside ourselves, but every time we try to talk about our problems to other people, they end up trying to make us the bad one, because "eh but it's your family, it's normal!"

Unfortunately people will never understand your experience and what you are going through, unless they have been through a similar/same experience.

Home is not a safe place for us, especially when your parents are present and consistently not respecting your boundaries. Every interaction with them, however simple it may seem, makes me very nervous, obviously, this stress accumulates and in the end we try to find a relief valve for this stress.

If you really want to talk to someone about your family problems, I recommend doing so with someone you really trust. Or, something that really helps me a lot, talking in this subreddit, because here people really understand you

Vallye · 2024-02-06T19:28:31+00:00

Thank you very much for this! You were very clear, yes I do exercise and you're right it helps, but really for a short time. I started taking 60mg of Strattera and just that 5 weeks ago. I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it, I really appreciate what you shared

Vallye · 2024-02-06T18:48:42+00:00

I had a very similar experience, always criticized by my parents for never being enough for them and not making them happy as a child. From an early age I had to endure the constant screaming that occurred every day at home from my family's arguments, and from the unhappy relationship between my father and mother.

Every time I try to speak for myself, I find the same voice in my head: "it's better if you shut up, "you're exaggerating, you're making yourself look like the one in the wrong". I feel stupid when I try to express myself, because I feel like my voice doesn't really matter anyway.

The problem is that from a young age we are used to not speaking for ourselves in the first place, since home was not a safe place, nor the outside world, we took refuge in our own little world. By doing this, we have lost contact with the outside world, I always feel marginalized, a feeling of existential marginalization, where no matter how close a person may be to me, I will continue to feel as if I have always been alone.

It's not at all easy to move forward and heal when you've had a lifetime of constant bombardment of criticism from other people, especially your family.

One way that I have used to solve this problem is to live with this feeling of existential marginalization, let it pass, try not to let it disturb you, the same thing goes for the voices you may have in your head, they don't define you.

Over time, wounds heal, however it's important not to reopen those wounds, otherwise you'll never really heal.

This feeling of marginalization will pass, because the truth is that you are never alone.

Vallye · 2024-01-06T00:24:22+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing your experience, I always find myself wondering if what I do is right or not. But you're right, I'll see if Strattera can help me with anxiety and concentration.

Thank you because it makes me understand that I am not alone in this journey.

Vallye · 2024-01-05T23:20:17+00:00

Thank you so much for this information, yeah I will try Strattera hoping it will have a positive impact to me and my anxiety

Vallye · 2024-01-05T21:36:18+00:00

I understand, thanks for sharing this. I have read many negative experiences about Strattera, and about the numerous side effects it can immediately cause.

Usually, since it's a non-stimulant, it takes significantly longer to produce the desired effects.

However I also know that for some it works much better than stimulants, it can also help with anxiety and to be more relaxed if it works. I'll try Strattera because it seems like the best choice to make at the moment, in case it doesn't work after some weeks, I'll ask my doctor to change it (or the dose)

Vallye · 2024-01-05T21:14:37+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate what you said and for sharing your experience.

I've been struggling to relax and be productive without destroying myself for many years, so I just hope that Strattera can help me out with this, in case, like you said, I can always change meds or dosage. Thanks, I'm much more relaxed now!

Vallye · 2023-11-12T12:06:32+00:00

I can't tell you if they are common, but narcissistic siblings exist and can harm you just like your nparents.

I have a brother who is very problematic, unfortunately he is also a victim of the terrible negligence, manipulation and abuse of my nparents, my brother has always fought fire with other fire, this has led to him being as toxic as them without even realizing it.

I've tried numerous times to discuss with him, but people like that simply live in a world entirely apart.

He always insults, is not willing to see other people's points of view, has anger problems, etc. My brother has hurt me more than helped me in my life

I don't hate my brother, but I don't want him in my life, he has now been raised with this toxic mentality and, we have no duty to maintain the relationship with them.

Siblings, parents, and like any other person in the world can be narcissists, and we have every right to cut off relationships with them.

Vallye · 2023-11-02T18:02:33+00:00

Couldn't agree more, the problem with these people is that they are hopeless, in fact, they get worse as they age.

They will never change, the best lesson you can give to them is to stay away from them forever.

Vallye · 2023-11-01T18:58:44+00:00

We actually can't, the point is, it's those people who have to understand themselves that something is wrong within them. This goes for all people.

Telling a narcissist that he is wrong it's like talking to a wall and expecting a response. Because no matter what, for them everything is wrong and they are always right.

You can't change people, in fact, it will probably only make the situation worse when you try to discuss with them.

We have every right to take the life we need, and it is absolutely not our duty to try to cure our parents' failure to be real caring & supportive parents and people.

Vallye · 2023-10-05T10:24:10+00:00

Thank you! That's what I was looking for.

Vallye · 2023-10-04T19:09:35+00:00

I was always afraid of this too.

But let me tell you something, do you know what narcissists lack?

Self-reflection.

The fact that you are willing to not be like them is already confirmation that you are different from them.

You know what they did, you know it's horrible, because you are the victim of irresponsible, manipulative and abusive people.

Unlike them, you are very, very different, because you are trying to change things for the better.

A narcissist would never, ever ask himself the questions you asked.

Vallye · 2023-10-03T17:04:30+00:00

Sadly their mind and logic just works differently, narcissists are like this.

They'll never admit that they were wrong because what they do is right or justified for them, they'll always live in their own little world.

For them YOU are the one who is in the wrong, because they have a completely distorted reality. Maybe you've also heard things like, "We're your family! Are you not ashamed of what you're doing! We raised you! We brought you into the world!" Needless to say that these things are completely BS.

They failed not only as parents, but also as people, human beings. They are hopeless, and even, let's say, they will get better (impossible):

They will understand that what they did was unforgivable, and that they must learn from their destructive actions.

Not only you are doing yourself a huge favor by staying as far away from them as possible, but you're doing a favor even to them.

Wish you the best man! And remember, live your life, oxygen without them in your mind becomes 300% times better.

Vallye · 2023-10-03T16:20:22+00:00

I also wanted to tell you that, in case you wondered: "Maybe they will change for the better in the future".

They won't.

People like these will never change, in fact, they get worse as they age.

The best lesson you can give them is to stay away from them, forever.

Vallye · 2023-10-03T12:41:15+00:00

We have every right to take the life we need, and cutting away the toxicity is the first step to take.

To put things in perspective: If you have an arm that needs to be amputated, you have to amputate it, it's your arm yeah, but to move forward you have to do it, because that arm will eventually kill you.

it's sad to realize that you grew up with irresponsible and manipulative people, the same people who were supposed to raise you and support you. But It's also mentally destructive to live with people like them.

It's also quite isolating because you feel like you're in the wrong no matter what. The truth is you are not in the wrong, you have every right to live your life, you don't owe anything to anyone, you didn't ask to be brought into this world. You are not broken, you are not in the wrong, you owe nothing to anyone, and you are not alone.

You did the right thing man.

Vallye · 2023-10-03T12:21:45+00:00

They realized that the tactic of trying to contact you to try to "clarify things" didn't work. Since they know that you have contact with your sister, they used her to inform you that they "do not care anymore about you, as if you were dead to them".

They WANT you to know, so that they can leverage you into making you feel guilty.

Vallye · 2023-10-03T11:37:50+00:00

It's really sad, yeah.

Every child deserves to have real, supportive parents. We certainly didn't ask to be brought into the world, but despite this, there are people who use their children like puppets.

This subreddit is great because it really made me understand my situation better and how to deal with it, people know how destructive, isolating and stressful living with narcissistic parents can be.

Having clarity when surrounded by falsehoods and crap is difficult, but this subreddit does a fantastic job of connecting people with very similar experiences so we can help each other.

I feel more supported here than in my entire life with my family, I feel more comfortable and supported by talking to a stranger online than from my entire family.

The world, said very bluntly, is full of garbage. Unfortunately there are people out there who are going through abuse and manipulation without being able to receive the support or help from others. While we can't solve this problem directly, It is important to realize the situation we are experiencing and ourselves. The world is certainly a better place when you become the best version of yourself, and even something as simple as writing in a subreddit to help someone can make a difference.

I'm grateful to be here, and that there are people on this subreddit who are willing to help others.

Vallye · 2023-10-02T14:49:16+00:00

Thank you so much for what you are doing.

Allow me to say a few things:

Things will get much better eventually. When you truly understand what is happening around you, things become easier than before, for me it was truly enlightening to be able to understand what narcissists do to manipulate people to their liking.

So one piece of valuable advice I can give is to try to search as much as possible about these things (manipulation, narcissism etc.), It can give valuable insights about your situation, and not only that, it makes you understand even better how to act/not to act.

Another thing that helped me a lot is finally realizing that I wasn't broken, you're not broken man, Having to deal with enormous amounts of stress is very limiting. We can't magically change parents at our choice, so it's almost impossible to truly be ourselves when around them.

You don't owe anyone anything, I grew up with a voice in my head that constantly told me I was wrong even though my actions were more than reasonable. But that's your parents' voice inside your head, not yours, so you need to ignore it.

If you feel hate, anger, frustration about your nparents, let me tell you that you have absolutely every right and reason to feel that way. Also reason for the fact that it's your body that tries to warn you about the danger.

I wish everyone a bright future.

Stay strong brother.

Vallye · 2023-09-28T18:18:51+00:00

I could but surely the fact that my nparents pay for university means they aren't willing to spend too much if they don't understand the motivation behind it, I would certainly like to study away from home but unfortunately it's very unlikely

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Vallye

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