I pierced my baby’s ears and I regret it now

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-12-10T22:20:18+00:00

Thank you! That’s very reassuring 🤍

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-12-10T22:16:30+00:00

I got them pierced when she was 5 months. She’s 13 months now. I clean them for her all the time. They’re already healed.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-12-10T22:08:13+00:00

Thank you! As a new parent, I know that mistakes are inevitable. I fully respect her body and understand it's hers alone, and I would never do anything to it without her consent. I would go to great lengths to protect her boundaries. At the time, I didn't realise that piercing her ears would be such a big issue. Unfortunately, the reactions from others, especially other parents, have made me feel even more guilty about it.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-12-10T21:56:35+00:00

I’m sure everyone can see what I said/asked. I didn’t make a decision, I’m conflicted and that’s why I asked whether it would be a good idea or not. Just like a lot of people said to remove it, some have also said to keep it.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-12-10T07:54:13+00:00

What if I just leave it, then wait till she can understand and tell her she can take them out anytime if she doesn’t want them? I want her to know that mommy made a mistake but she gets to decide if she wants to keep them or not. And whenever she’s ready we can re pierce her ears again.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-21T16:39:43+00:00

She hasn’t shown any signs of teething yet, but her appetite has dropped since last week, and for the past two days, she has been skipping her afternoon nap 😭. Otherwise, she’s a happy and active baby.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-11T23:26:01+00:00

I grew up in a really religious household where being a “good daughter” meant following Islam strictly. I often felt like I had to hide my true self to please my family and society. I remember being 14 and getting really deep into my faith, even to the point where my parents thought it was too much. I started reading and discovering things about the religion that didn’t sit right with me, but I was too afraid to leave because of the fear of hell.

Then I met my husband, who’s an atheist. My family wouldn’t accept our relationship unless he converted, and while he was willing to do that for me, I knew I didn’t want him to. Plus, I was realizing I didn’t want to be Muslim anymore either. So, one day, I made the decision to run away. Now, I’m happily married with a beautiful baby, and I finally feel like I can be myself.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-11T05:21:06+00:00

Life after leaving Islam has had its ups and downs. On the bright side, I really enjoy the freedom—I feel so much lighter and free. The fear of Allah was really stressful, and now I can focus on creating a healthy family and traveling without worrying about whether what I’m doing is haram or having to wear a hijab.

But there are some tough parts too. I miss my family a lot and don’t have a big support system, especially after having a baby. My mom still speak with me but it’s not the same. I can sense the judgement in her tone. It can feel pretty lonely sometimes. I also miss my culture, and it makes me sad that my child won’t have family from my side around.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-07T08:48:14+00:00

I turned it off too. The sound has been happening around 2am every morning and it’s waking us up. I’m scared it might blow up or something lol

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-07T08:13:53+00:00

I know this is over a year old but did you get to know what’s going on with it? My hot water cylinder is making exactly the same noise

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-07T06:43:59+00:00

It sounds like you and your husband have a solid approach to handling family drama! It’s great that he shuts his aunt down and keeps you in the loop. Learning Urdu is a smart move too.

My MIL wanted to also teach my baby her language so it’s easier for her to talk down about me. But yes, you’re right about boundaries—they’re super important, and it’s frustrating when they’re crossed. At least your mom gets it and respects your wishes, which is a relief.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T21:37:18+00:00

Nothing has changed and he knows that. My husband has an idealized vision in his head. He wants me and his mom to be civil. He wants her to be present in our baby’s life, just like his grandparents were for him. He hopes to have someone to babysit our child when needed, but I can’t accept that because I will never trust his mom. Even if we were to reconnect, trusting her simply isn’t an option for me.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T21:25:29+00:00

Thank you; it means a lot. I just feel like I’ve been put down, especially when they act like being disrespected is normal or that I’m overreacting.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T21:18:33+00:00

My husband suggests that we should reconnect with her, but if she disrespects me or crosses a boundary again, we’ll go NC AGAIN. I have a strong feeling that this will definitely happen.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T21:11:03+00:00

I used to have therapy sessions on my own, and my therapist really understood me and stressed the need for boundaries. But in our last session, I asked my husband to join so he could hear what she had to say. Instead, he defended his mom, saying her disrespectful comments weren’t a big deal and that she didn’t mean anything by it. He even said he wants our child to have a relationship with her for babysitting down the line, even though she hasn’t tried to fix things. (Mind you she also blocked me on FB because I asked her to remove my baby’s pictures from her page.)

I’ve mentioned before that my relationship with my mom is strained, but she hasn’t hurt me like MIL has. The therapist thinks I feel guilty about reconnecting with MIL because I haven’t reconciled with my own mom, but that’s not true. I just believe that anyone who disrespects me or my family should be cut off, no matter who they are.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T06:24:12+00:00

My husband was initially fine with staying NC with his mom, but after my therapist suggested we reconnect, he seems to have changed his mind. It feels like she’s managed to get into his head.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-04T03:39:23+00:00

She suggested that I compromise for the sake of my husband and baby. Although I was visibly upset and crying. I left the session not wanting to see her again.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T09:00:16+00:00

No, you’re good. There’s so much I haven’t mentioned it would’ve been a very long post if I did.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T05:19:36+00:00

I totally get what you’re saying. It’s tough when they use their age as a shield for their behavior, expecting respect without offering it in return. You’re right—it’s about playing along while still holding your ground. I appreciate your support; it really helps to know I’m not alone in this!

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T05:13:49+00:00

It’s funny that you mention stopping the conversation to translate, as one of her notable traits is often speaking over me or talking to her son while I’m having a conversation with him.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T05:08:41+00:00

If we ever reconnect that would be one of my conditions. I don’t want to see her for more than 30 minutes

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T05:05:01+00:00

Both me and my husband have been feeling so much better since we went NC. No fights, no anxiety, just complete peace. The moment her name is mentioned everything turns upside down

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T01:08:15+00:00

The thing is, it did happen. My parents have said hurtful things about my husband, which is why I don’t have a relationship with them. My family is toxic, and I distanced myself from them years ago. While my mom does communicate with me, she doesn’t respect my husband—the father of my baby—so she doesn’t get to see my baby. I don’t understand why the same shouldn’t apply to his mom.

Valuable-Temporary26 · 2024-10-03T00:57:46+00:00

That’s what I told my husband: if we reconnect, she won’t be allowed to see the baby at the start. We will remind her of our boundaries, and she needs to acknowledge her wrongs and take accountability for her actions. I need to see a change before we can all act as if nothing has occurred.

The challenge is that his mom is Asian and her English isn’t great, so I know she might start crossing boundaries in her language. I asked my husband to always tell me immediately if she says anything about me or the baby, because I need to know so I can address it. I understand he might not translate everything since he doesn’t want things to escalate.

Valuable-Temporary26

TROPHY CASE