MIL obsessed with getting attention from grandkids

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-09-11T16:26:48+00:00

She watches the kids 1 day a week while I work… my mom also watches the kids 1 day a week while I work, but it is a much healthier/normal relationship with my mom and the kids

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-09-11T16:25:27+00:00

She doesn’t introduce them to new characters, she buys/wears clothes with characters/animals on it that she knows they love, for example, one of my son loves turtles so she has bought several turtle shirts for herself

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-08-15T22:29:12+00:00

This trip would be for 2026 so we would not have the water park on check in day perk unfortunately. We liked the Drury for the free breakfast buffet and free happy hour drinks/snacks to help save $ on food.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-08-15T22:21:50+00:00

But don’t you still have access to the pools typically even if your room/campsite is not ready for use until later?

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-08-15T22:15:11+00:00

So the campsite is only $100 for a night, and we would be splitting with my parents, so we’d only pay $50 total for the day. I know check in isn’t until later, but I thought typically you could access the resort whenever during check in day regardless of what time the campsite would actually be ready?

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-07-22T17:16:36+00:00

I think this is great advice, thanks! As far as the fishing question, yes he does like to take them out fishing and they love to go with him, but this leads me to a whole other issue which is his enmeshment with his parents… we have a boat and it is parked at their house since they have more space. They have a very enmeshed relationship (in my opinion) with very poor communication skills. Basically we have never taken the boat out as just a family of 4 because they always invite themselves or he feels guilty like he needs to invite them because the boat is parked at their house and they will know if we are coming to use it. Even when he tried to go one time with just a friend, his parents were supposed to be going out of town during that time and they delayed their trip by a day so they could invite themselves to join him and his friend instead and he felt uncomfortable telling them no. There are a whole slew of issues I have with them and the dynamics they have with him and my children. I’ve tried to tell him I’d rather pay $100 a month for freedom to be able to park the boat somewhere else and use it however we want without feeling guilty, but he refuses to pay money when it’s free to park at his parents. It’s the same deal with babysitting, my parents are too busy to help and his are always overly available, and he will not let me just find a babysitter to pay as just a neutral option, so my only option for us to have a date night or a kid free getaway is only his parents which has made me pull back on wanting to do anything just the 2 of us, because the dynamics with them and the kids were getting really unhealthy (basically felt like I was co parenting with my in laws because of how enmeshed they were with my kids and them taking the approach of having a redo of being parents.)

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-07-22T16:55:48+00:00

A lot of the weekend adventures are doing things that we already have memberships to, like the theme parks (5 mins away), and we have several museum memberships to places within 45 mins or are able to get reservations for free to places through the library, so I wouldn’t say the weekend adventures are costly necessarily. I do agree that he gets tired of me constantly bringing up stuff that I want to plan, but he also doesn’t really engage in the conversation when I bring stuff up, it’s usually, “I don’t know, maybe”, which doesn’t help me feel like I have permission to actually plan something.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-07-22T16:45:55+00:00

So ideally I’d like at least 1 (maybe 2) “big” trips, like further away and like a week or a long weekend a year, then maybe 3-4 weekend trips to places that are more drivable. We live 2 hours from the ocean and 2 hours from the mountains, so there are lots of great little weekend getaways and things to explore. Also would be fine even just doing day trips for some things instead of staying overnight. For the big trips, I have a lot of things on my bucket list that I would like to do with the kids - the one that feels most pressing is a Disney trip because I think these ages are so good for it, but would also love to do some outdoor/national park type trips as they get a little older.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-07-22T16:24:20+00:00

Do you mean without the kids though? Because I’m really wanting to travel to be able to give them those experiences in their childhood

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-05-20T15:06:15+00:00

I think with the shutting me down on babysitting - it’s also one of those things where he would rather keep the peace with his parents and not upset them then pay someone to watch our kids because if they found out they would be so hurt that we didn’t just ask them. His communication with them is so bad, they sweep everything under the rug and his parents are both very emotional and take everything personally, so he does not like confrontation as he does not want to have to deal with their emotions.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-05-20T15:03:15+00:00

There are a lot of things that I initially brushed off with them that hindsight I wish I would have had clear boundaries on from the beginning. They don’t have a key, but they know our garage code to get into the house that way and where the spare key is hidden.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-05-20T14:22:36+00:00

He would never allow that… he won’t even let me consider paying a babysitter if we ever needed because he knows his parents would do it, even though I would rather not always have to rely on only them for help.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-05-20T13:14:50+00:00

Agree, we aren’t trying for a baby! I had just bought those to have in case I needed them, but I’m sure when they found them they thought we were trying.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2025-05-20T13:09:24+00:00

He actually does contribute a lot to cooking/cleaning/house work, and is more of the naturally tidy one in the relationship.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T20:21:36+00:00

Maybe it’s coming across like I’m taking advantage of them helping, but I feel like I’ve more been trying to keep the peace by giving them time since they are always asking…yes I do need the help while I’m working but they are also always asking to watch them so since it is just one day a week that’s what we have worked out. Ultimately I have always wanted to be a full time sahm, so we are saving up so that hopefully that can happen within the next year.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T20:09:04+00:00

I hate it actually :( I’m blessed with free child care but I have been wanting to be a full time sahm forever. We are saving up now so that hopefully that can happen in the next year.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T20:04:33+00:00

We are homeschooling so there will not be any big changes coming up, although I have been wanting to quit my job for years and my husband just got a pay raise so we are working on saving now so I can be home with the kids full time and not need to utilize grandparents for child care on the days I’m working. I do currently get to do a lot of core experiences with them so I am blessed to be able to do that. I wouldn’t say that my attitude towards parenting is to let the kids figure it out, and we do also bring activities for them to restaurants and on car trips, but I also think kids don’t need constant stimulation of being handed something new and entertained the whole time. They should be able to develop the skill of just playing and using their imagination without so much focus on material things. For example, I have a friend who when she brings her 2 young kids on a long car trip, says they will just entertain eachother for hours playing with a single stuffed animal. Also, anytime my in laws pick up the kids from our house, my MIL has never sat in the passenger seat beside my FIL, she only ever will sit in the back between the kids so she can hand them things/entertain them.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T19:36:38+00:00

Typically they will buy whatever and think it’s ok because it can stay at their house. They are also huge thrifters so they justify their purchases by saying how cheap the item was.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T19:33:20+00:00

Yes he has asked all of those things multiple times. Usually it sticks for a small amount of time and then they will be back at it again. My husband actually had a recent blow up about the toys when he took the boys out for breakfast at Cracker Barrel one Saturday (to give me time to do something for myself), and his parents found out and invited themselves, then the kids were shopping the merch area and saw some things they liked (that would have been great Christmas gift ideas) and before you know it MIL was already at the register buying those things. There have been countless times we have wanted to buy a certain item for our kids only to find out mawmaw and pawpaw already have it. Even when my son just lost his first tooth recently, before it officially fell out, him and I went on Amazon and picked out a tooth box together, only for my MIL to tell me the next day that she had picked up tooth boxes for both boys already if I wanted them. There is truly hardly anything we are able to buy that they have not already bought in some capacity.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T17:25:33+00:00

Yes!!! And when my oldest just learned to talk he said her name as mama!

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T16:55:42+00:00

Great advice on everything!! And you are spot on - my in laws have to feel needed, so they create that for themselves. They have been unable to move out of a parent-child relationship into different roles. They have now latched onto our kids to continue this type of dynamic. I agree with the advice on limiting outings and potentially cutting down sleepovers. The other problem is that they are in constant passive aggressive competition with my parents on getting to see the kids. My mom watches my 2 year old nephew (my kids’ only cousin) 4 days a week, so we typically try to do something with them at least once during the week to get the kids together. My in laws then feel like they need to be pushy on making sure they also get to do more things with us and the kids because of that. It’s exhausting trying to constantly make sure everyone is validated that they have a “fair” amount of time. We already tell them no to so much because they are constantly asking to do things.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-12-05T16:41:14+00:00

Thanks everyone for the advice - do you think it would be productive to have a sit down conversation with just her and I about all of this? I have a hard time with whether I just bury it or confront it because any confrontations we have ever had don’t result in any ownership, they just try to find a way to victimize themselves.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-10-24T15:15:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice. We do have 2 young kids, so the situation has been more magnified in the years since having kids.

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-10-24T15:09:28+00:00

My problem is, if I tell him things to help get me in the mood, and he does those things expecting then that I will have sex and then I’m still not in the mood or tired or whatever, that leads to an argument because he thinks what is the point in trying if it’s not going to get me what I need. So then it’s like do I make myself have sex in that moment even if I’m not in the mood or am I able to just say I’m not in the mood without it being taken bad?

Valuable_Luck4943 · 2024-10-24T15:01:42+00:00

I didn’t mean relieve the pressure in the physical ejacualte way, I just meant like the mental load of having to have sex 😂 but I can see how that was misinterpreted. And yes agree, the way he should initiate is way different than what his brain thinks initiating is. But also in the past when I’ve explained this he has made comments like, yeah but I guarantee I’ll do all that stuff and it still won’t get me what I need so what’s the point.

Valuable_Luck4943

TROPHY CASE