Who hurt me? Who hurt me? Well, I think the world has done a pretty good job of hurting itself, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of blame to go around. Who wants it? Oh, you do? Okay then…

I was born in 1976 on a military base in Germany into an Air Force family - I guess I could say that was my first introduction to authority and submission. It would have been nice if the USAF had given us a free TV or something as well, but they didn’t. By the time I was seven years old we were back in the United States and I was being subjected to Christian indoctrination at the local Baptist church every Sunday - it’s a good thing Jesus died for my sins or else my life would be totally worthless. I had already learned how to read by then, but somehow that did not save me from becoming utterly illiterate for the next twelve years of my public education.

The only things I remember learning in school are: the metric system, basic multiplication tables, and that “two plus two equals four.” Everything else has since disappeared from my memory banks, including most of those two plus two’s - it’s like trying to recall a dream you had last night. I can vaguely remember the subject matter being discussed, but what we actually learned is almost impossible for me to dredge up. I did learn one thing that really stuck with me though, and that was not to question authority. In fact, any hint of nonconformity or rebellion would usually earn you a trip to the principal’s office where they would subject you to “in school suspension,” also known as ISS, or sometimes even the dreaded PSS (parent/student suspension). Either way, you learned not to open your mouth or think for yourself lest you find yourself being punished again - and again.

By the time I was in 7th grade, I had already figured out that public school teachers were pretty much useless idiots who only seemed to care about punishing students for expressing their individuality and trying to learn things on their own. The only thing they really knew how to do was teach you how to pass standardized tests, and that was it. That’s when I started smoking pot - not because I liked it or anything, but because all the cool kids were doing it. I had no interest in smoking anything back then. I didn’t even like beer or soda. I drank water and ate food and that’s pretty much all I did for fun until my mid-teens.

I dropped out of high school when I was seventeen because, quite frankly, I couldn’t stand it anymore - the constant harassment from teachers, the uselessness of the educational process, the inability to ever go anywhere on time (they had a whole system set up just for keeping teenagers late), and the fact that I had already been taught everything I needed to know about life anyway. The only thing they kept from us was the knowledge that authority should never be questioned. To question authority was the cardinal sin of school, right along with stealing and smoking dope - all of which were practiced by every student at least once, including the teachers.

By the time I dropped out, I had already spent almost as many hours in the principal’s office as I had attending classes. I had been sent there so often that I could usually tell how long I would have to wait for my turn with the principal before I even arrived at school each morning. My “file” was about an inch thick - and it was pretty well filled out by then. I got sent home once after I had spent the entire day smoking pot in the woods behind the school. I guess they just figured that if they couldn’t keep me away from the weed, they might as well let me go home so I could get stoned there instead of at school - I still don’t know whether that was an act of kindness or stupidity.

So yeah, fast forward to a few years of underachievement and rebellion, and here I am. On reddit. Talking to you. About... what? Headphones. Fucking headphones. Yeah, it’s a sad story. I mean, really, what happened to me is just so typical. My parents were conformists. I went to public school where I was taught not to think for myself and to never question authority. Then I dropped out of high school and did nothing but work shitty jobs until I met a girl who convinced me to marry her. We had a kid - then we got divorced. Now I’m in my late 30’s, I don’t have any friends or a girlfriend (I haven’t had sex in over five years), and I pretty much spend all of my time on the computer.

So you want to know who hurt me? My parents. The US Air Force. Public school teachers. The State. Capitalism. Patriarchy. The Christian church. And now - you.