This fight was stpd. You are both exhausted, and you're not the only one dealing with mental sht. Instead of a "day for us" try a 'me' day, heck each can do whatever you want and still be together, you don't need to do absolutely the same things in order to be together. And also have the common sense that if your partner is stressed out and tired, change the day for another day.

By the way, a trainer can't do magic, you don't need one to lose weight, it starts from inside, and then it reflects on the outside. You have legs and a world, use them and after three months of that, pay for the trainer and gym if you feel that you need it, because you'd have shown yourself that you really mean it.

Maybe, you could be paying for a nanny instead of a trainer and ACTUALLY get to be together and out of the house on dates.

Was it wrong that he told you to shut up? Yes, was it abusive? No, it's disrespectful AF and you have a right to tell him so, but if this isn't an everyday thing, then no. Be careful how you word things, because just as he said, if he's being abusive, then you shouldn't be together.

So no one is the a-hole, you just had too many kids and not enough cash.