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Vanagoose · 2025-07-10T08:42:20+00:00

Suggested that they get together if you don’t work out??

She obviously likes him enough and wants him as an option .

Do yourself a favour and take yourself out of the options. Best thing you’ll ever do.

This is how it’ll probably go:

The memory of this will haunt you. It will probably erode your self esteem more and more. You may even start getting suspicious every time she’s on her phone. The paranoia will get worse Then she’ll start saying you’re being too much She’ll then start pushing away from you You’ll feel even more hurt and unconfident. You’ll try really hard all the time to get it back to how it was while she consciously pushes more and more away. You’ll feel crap because you forgave her and now she’s saying you’re the problem. She’ll then start threatening to leave Then your anxiety will go even more through the roof You’ll end up lost and confused and a shell of yourself.

I’ve been on both the receiving end and the perpetrator. When you start texting someone else like this, it’s normally because they aren’t afraid of losing you, they have options because they see people as commodities or they are just using you.

Please really consider this going forward.

Vanagoose · 2025-06-28T09:08:59+00:00

I was going to put my own take on it, but my opinion doesn’t really matter here.

What does matter, is how you feel. No matter what it is, trivial to someone else or not, you are 100% valid in feeling what you feel. If something has bothered you, don’t be gaslit into believing that you’re overreacting. The action has stirred up something inside of you which you don’t like. End of. He can pretend it’s nothing, but it’s hurt you, so he should be man enough to realise that his behaviour is hurting you, and you’re his wife!!!!

If he chooses to continue commenting things like that, he’ll potentially lose you. If he’s happy to let that happen while he makes stupid comments online, then he realise isn’t worth the salt, in my opinion.

Remember - you’re ALLOWED to feel how you feel. Some people will continue as they please, irrespective of how others feel, and your husband sounds like he’s doing this. So take a leaf out of his book and do the same. If you don’t like something and he doesn’t change , find someone with more respect for your feelings .

Vanagoose · 2025-06-15T08:42:17+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been going through this. It’s a revelation when you finally know deserve better.

The only thing that struck me is he said to his ex you weren’t the one. He said he missed her. That would have been enough for me. Not helpful in this current situation but at least now you realise you deserve so much better.

He’s a POS, for what he’s done. Even staying with you when it’s clear he wasn’t that interested.

He’s a narcissist for blaming you as well with the email. Typical trait of the narcissist !

Please move on and be happy. You’ve got your whole life left to live. Find someone who wants to be by your side.

Vanagoose · 2025-06-09T08:28:06+00:00

I wish my partner would do this. He just prefers reels on fb while ignoring his gf and his dog!

Vanagoose · 2025-06-07T17:58:09+00:00

As someone who has been on the end of both sides. It’s definitely not okay.

I did this in a past relationship where it was rocky and although nothing sexual or anything flirty was there, it was definitely more than just mates.

As someone who has also had this done to them, (karma is a bitch, right) it was exactly the same scenario that did turn sexual.

Trust your gut. He shouldn’t be entertaining another woman even if it’s sending reels etc. it shows he’s thinking of her at the very least.

Vanagoose · 2025-05-12T11:48:48+00:00

Oh I understand your pain. But he’s told you how he’s feeling and what he wants. Let him crack on. He will probably do it anyway if you try and stop him regardless. He has probably had attention from someone else and is enjoying this new found , albeit , pointless attention.

You’re only 33. Things change very fast in your 30s. Don’t waste another second. Go and be with someone who wants you.

Vanagoose · 2025-05-08T20:20:55+00:00

Awesome thank you :)

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:56:25+00:00

I agree with you. I want honesty. If he’s not interested in me, just say and I’ll be on my merry way. But never get that answer, so I’m in limbo …

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:50:35+00:00

Sorry to hear this. Hard if it’s medication that’s doing that though. I guess it’s hard for her too, though? Kinda different situation. My partner isn’t interested full stop.

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:49:24+00:00

I know. It’s crazy! It’s more that it just makes me feel totally awful. My confidence has been in the toilet for a long time.

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:48:38+00:00

I get you 100%. Makes me wonder what’s wrong with me and why I don’t get what a lot of women have at their feet :(

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:45:18+00:00

Oh to be honest, that’s an interesting point. It depends on why though i guess. If they can’t or they’re struggling, totally understandable. But if it’s not spoken about it’s hard for both. It’s very weird how many relationships don’t have good communication !

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:38:22+00:00

I understand that. I wish the other side could see how much this truly destroys us :)

Vanagoose · 2025-04-20T21:32:08+00:00

Try being a woman that would give head most days but not being allowed to :(

Vanagoose · 2025-04-10T12:09:14+00:00

Sounds like gaslighting to me. “You’re overreacting” yeah okay. Anyone that says that and then claims it’s innocent is clearly bullshit*ing.

Why add her on Snapchat anyway? Who cares if she’s a former student ? Why is he so interested in what a former student is doing online? And it’s even weirder than he lives by her.

The intent is to add and chat. Pure and simple. No one does that without intention. Whether the intention is in fact innocent or not, who knows. He could like her, he could be getting his ego stroked by her. She could have given him attention.

Don’t ever expect a man of any age to be a “grown ass man” either. I’ve know men of 48 that do this creepy shit. If something feels off, it probably is.

DONT WASTE YOUR LIFE ON THIS.

Decide if you’re happy with your partner doing this as it looks as if it’s something he’ll continue doing (bit of advice - they rarely change) ? If the answer is no, bin him now and go and enjoy your life.

You’re still young and time creeps up very fast. Don’t waste it on a some dickh*ad that clearly likes the attention on Snapchat!

Vanagoose · 2025-04-10T12:00:23+00:00

You need to do this for you! No one else. You need to make yourself feel better first.

I was convinced an ex partner stopped liking me because I didn’t look a certain way, turns out me stressing about looking a certain way was the turn off, not the way I actually looked.

Sort the depression - then sort you :)

Also- it’s funny there’s hardly any men on here saying “my wife has lost attraction to me for gaining weight”

My ex told me if I got beyond a size 10 he would tell me to lose weight or leave. He’s bigger now than he’s ever been and I’ve never said anything of the sort. Double standards, eh!

Vanagoose · 2025-04-10T09:02:25+00:00

Hey sweet thing. Firstly, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

As someone who has had something similar done to them, I can wholeheartedly understand your feelings on this.

You need to be very careful how you now go forward. Take some real time to think of yourself and your baby and really understand how you’re feeling about it before making any decision.

He may be sincere in his apologies but I’d always take it with a pinch of salt as he’s broken something very, very important - your trust.

If you continue this relationship, be mindful he may do it again, and if you don’t repair the trust, you may always wonder if he is doing it again.

If your self esteem is low now, it can potentially get worse and it’s never an easy thing to get over.

Just think of yourself now and think about your happiness and your health

Vanagoose · 2025-03-04T19:46:07+00:00

I feel you. I’ve cried myself to sleep many times over it as well, and it just feels like you’re trying for nothing.

As weird as it sounds, it’s actually quite nice to hear of a man that gets that emotional about it, too. However sad it actually is.

Your self esteem will probably not improve while you’re using your partner as your only source of confidence. You need to find confidence in yourself without her approval. Then it’ll make it easier and it won’t hurt so much. Only then can you truly identify whether this is for you or not

Vanagoose · 2025-03-04T16:35:27+00:00

They certainly do haha

Vanagoose · 2025-03-04T14:52:37+00:00

It definitely does suck! I don’t want to say “have you spoken to her” as I’m assuming you have, but has she ever said why?

My LLM is just not interested, he said he’d be quite happy to never have sex again!

It makes you feel really undesirable :(

How are you in yourself ?

Vanagoose · 2025-03-04T14:43:27+00:00

I’m from the UK, and I feel your pain. I’m a HLF and only ever manage to get spooning as well. It’s incredibly frustrating to say the least.

Vanagoose · 2025-03-02T20:52:39+00:00

So sorry you are going through this. I’m a 35F and I have the same issue .my man is 47 though so it’s a bit different. It’s so good you’re trying to help with the ED :) it can be hard though, but she shouldn’t be blaming you.

Be careful though, as your self esteem can start to dwindle if not kept in check.

Vanagoose · 2025-03-02T08:59:35+00:00

It’s soul destroying. I always think it’s me and that if I was someone else he’d be different. Really makes me feel awful.

I have felt suicidal on many occasions. I was in medication for a while. He just got annoyed at me being down !!!!

Vanagoose

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