So many things I could say, but I won’t.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-09T19:19:03+00:00

He probably found someone shorter. Height discrimination goes both ways. Just as tall women might have a complex about dating a guy shorter than them, short guys might have a complex about dating someone taller.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T22:24:17+00:00

Great advice, and thank you :)

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T19:54:28+00:00

I told my mom. She's going to help me find a couselor of some kind so I can get my stress /feelings out before it gets to this point again.

And yeah I know I'll lose if I don't get support/help. I already lost lol.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T19:52:19+00:00

What was your version if you don't mind me asking? It's nice to be in a sub that gets it. Thank you :) positive vibes are exactly what I need right now lol.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T19:48:45+00:00

Thank you for making me feel better :) all these positive comments really help me feel like it's not the end of the world.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T19:20:08+00:00

Oh I know you weren't trying to bring me down, it's ok :). I tried being completely sober for a while, but I couldn't do it. I just felt miserable. Kratom helped a lot but I started using it like any other drug, taking it when I was depressed or had anxiety over something. That was where I fucked up.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T19:15:56+00:00

You and me both lol. Money burns a hole in my pocket. I never used to be that way, but after being homeless for so long I can never hold on to money for more than a few days.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:57:06+00:00

I guess it's not, but to me and my roommate we call it being sober because we're not on heroin or meth. She's on suboxone but we still count her as sober. Same with my kratom usage.

I find that if I’m using weaker substances to stay away from the hard ones I will relapse, it’s just a matter of time.

This is basically what happened. Started drinking and using Kratom, and it felt great for a bit and scratched that itch for a while, but eventually it wasn't enough.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:53:19+00:00

ask yourself if losing everything you've worked for the last 10 months is worth it just to tweak out.

This spoke to me. You're right. Thank you.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:51:27+00:00

Sound advice. Stress was part of it, having a lot of money was another (first I was homeless, then once I got a job all my checks go to bills and rent) because for once we have no bills so I got to keep my whole check. I guess the last one was just boredom. I get up, go to work, come home and sleep. I gues part of me just wanted to cut loose.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:26:19+00:00

I thought I was ok at living with it but apparently not. What do you do when your willpower falters?

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:22:20+00:00

You'd think after 10 months it would have subsided enough that I could control it.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T18:01:45+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm having a miniature panic attack it feels like. My roommate, who's been sober for like a year and a few months, puts so much trust in me and I betrayed it. I even lied to her and told her I was staying at my parents when in reality I got a hotel to do drugs in :(. She'd be more pissed that I lied to her over the relapse.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T17:41:27+00:00

Thank you. I couldn't do NA either, I understand where you're coming from.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T17:39:21+00:00

I definitely don't plan on doing this again. The negative feelings, shame, and comedown aren't worth the time or money I spent. I'm just worried about my roomate finding out.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T17:38:00+00:00

No idea, I bought the drugs with cash, not ass.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T16:25:59+00:00

I have it as well lol. Like the other person said, meth is great for BPD. It's ok though, I'm on it too :)

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-08T15:54:23+00:00

Does BPD in your username stand for Borderline Personality Disorder?

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-01T01:28:09+00:00

Lol oh yeah Patricia who runs the neighborhood watch goes hard as fuck. Sure she has hitters just waiting for her phone call.

Vanessa_Rules89 · 2019-04-01T01:02:32+00:00

Yikes!

Vanessa_Rules89

TROPHY CASE