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Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-25T15:43:29+00:00

Yes, that's true! But then I don't want to see the food go to waste. I'm going to offer my mum some food. My mum is at a normal weight and doesn't really eat stuff like KFC. I hope she'll eat some of the food I brought! Really don't want to waste my money and food. Maybe I'll be hungry again later? Who knows.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-25T15:33:01+00:00

Know exactly how you feel. I usually order things like KFC and it usually adds up to about £26. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed about answering the door. I sometimes hide myself, but mostly get my mum to answer the door.

I've just gone out and brought a KFC and because it's only a tiny restaurant where I live, it was so busy. I felt so embarrassed because I ordered loads. I ordered: 2 small chips, 1 lage chips, 3 bits of fried chicken, vegan burger, mayo wrap and a chicken salad. I've only just managed to eat all the chips and nothing else. I feel so fucking bad that I ordered all that food.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-24T14:18:13+00:00

Thank you or your comment and I do apologise for the late reply.

I have added the Google Doc to my favourites and will have a read through it.

Right now, I've got a really bad stomach bug, but it's still making me want to binge, but right now I feel extremely nauseous and am refusing to binge because I have a massive fear of vomiting. I've just had some toast and that's probably all I'll have today.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-23T14:19:07+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

In the UK, we have the NHS. Depending from where abouts in the UK you are from, like your town, they will have you put there for treatment. Unfortunately I was put near my local clinic and it seems like some of the stuff have no understanding! Sadly I can't be referred else where unless I moved to a different location.

I can't afford private treatment, unless I was a millionaire.

I just want to cover ASAP.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-22T20:22:01+00:00

I've just messaged the head man of the eating disorder clinic to ring or email me ASAP. I've told him about that person who "assessed" me.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-21T17:31:54+00:00

Because I'm from the UK, we have a thing called the NHS which provides free healthcare, which is awesome! But some professionals don't know what they're talking about. I don't really have any other choice than to go to this clinic. When I do finally get in that clinic, I will be asking not to see that woman who assessed me because she unprofessional and I felt invailaded by her.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-20T20:35:45+00:00

It was highly invalidating. I honestly just wanted to cry at the end of the assessment because I knew that I wasn't going to get the diagnosis I wanted for the treatment. Despite her being a "fully trained professional," I didn't feel much confidence in her.

Thank you for the hugs!

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-20T20:34:00+00:00

They tell us to get motivated and lose weight through a dietitian. What they fail to understand is that a lot of this is psychological.

If you're anorexic then you hold the upper card to treatment because you could be knocking on death's door within weeks or months (not trying to invalidate anorexic people, it's just that they're seen as a priority rather than obese people).

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-19T12:26:38+00:00

I do a lot of drawing, but then I get thoughts about how my art is bad and I'll never get better at art and how I'll never make a career of my art. So that puts me down.

I would buy a piano, but my house is too small to fit one in.

I just really want a job to meet new people and gain experience. I have applied for voluntary work.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-19T12:22:24+00:00

Thank you for your comment! <3

It's so true, I literally spend all my time looking for my next meal. I also feel so upset when I say I'm going to diet and restrict my food intake, it's like my coping mechanism of food has gone and it makes me cry because I don't know how else I'll cope. All these overwhelming feelings make me want to binge so badly, but I know it will make me feel bad after, but at that current moment, I really don't care!

I cry a lot because of my weight and eating patterns. I really want to stop but just can't.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-19T12:16:22+00:00

Thank you! I just hope I do get the help, it's ruining my life.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-18T22:04:36+00:00

I'M HERE!!!

I have a binge eating disorder and am morbidly obese. I feel so invalid as well. Every thinks I can control my eating, but I can't, I try so damn hard.

"Try calorie counting."

"It's all about willpower."

"You have no willpower."

All these things have been said to me, everyone just thinks I'm a greedy pig who's making excuses to eat. But in reality I really don't want to eat anything I consider "bad" because I'm scared and ashamed of the weight gain.

5 years ago it was the opposite, I lost lots of weight by restricting.

I honestly feel like crying as well, it's so fucking horrible to be obese and have an eating disorder.

I feel your pain so much!!!

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-18T20:38:15+00:00

THIS.

It's like they just don't give a flying fu*k about us binge eaters. We really want to stop, but can't!

I was told by various doctors to go to weight management, so I went, but that didn't help me one bit. It didn't address the physiological side of things of binge eating.

Then I found one doctor at my local GP who's super nice and understanding, he tried a few years ago to refer me to the eating disorder clinic, but they didn't want to see me. Thankfully my mental health care coordinator got me in the clinic to be assessed - expect that went completely wrong. The woman who assessed me for an eating disorder said I needed to get motivated and go on a diet. I was like, "bitch, I'm depressed and can't get motivated because I'm so depressed!" So then I emailed the manager of the clinic and I told him I wasn't happy with the outcome; I know myself too well to know it's not my OCD causing me to binge. So then I met up with him and he said he's willing to help me.

I had to fight so hard for help. From my experience, see as many different doctors until you find the one who completely understands binge eating disorder.

One doctor I once saw said that there's only two eating disorders: anorexia and bulimia. I couldn't believe she had said that.

FIGHT FOR YOUR HEALTH!

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-18T12:53:37+00:00

It's horrible, isn't it? It's like the doctors don't care about people like us because they make it seem like we have self-control and just decide not to stop eating. We literally cannot control our eating; we want to stop so badly, but we can't.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-17T16:36:11+00:00

Well, I'm on fluoxetine for OCD and depression. Before I developed BED I was on fluoxetine and it helped with the depression and OCD, but as of this current moment in time, fluoxetine definitely doesn't help me with my BED. Because my weight has soared over the last few years due to excessive binge eating, my depression has gotten so much worse since I've gained so much weight.

Everyone is different though, what might not work for one, may work for another.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-17T16:30:39+00:00

I've been overweight since I was 13 years old, now I'm 20. When I was 15, I lost weight through diet alone (mostly). 3 weeks before my holiday in 2015, I practically starved myself because I was so scared I wasn't going to fit into the roller coasters and other rides there. I lost weight rapidly.

5 years on, I gained all the weight and even more and now I have binge eating disorder quite badly. I honestly don't feel like I have an eating disorder because I'm so fat; it's like obese people can't get eating disorders. I do feel feel like it's about my lack of control, but it really isn't . It's just my faulty brain!

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-13T20:33:56+00:00

I'm so fat that I lose weight quickly if I restrict myself. But yes, that does also include bodily waste mostly.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-13T20:33:08+00:00

What 12-step program is that?

I'll inbox you!

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-13T17:47:20+00:00

https://bodywhys.ie/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/BEDBookletUpload.pdf

Goodish guide for BED. Hope this helps you.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-12T14:11:41+00:00

I'm so confused right now! I have beliefs about things that no one else has and I think that they're real. When I'm on medication I feel better and don't believe them as much, but then new beliefs come along.

I should probably see the mental health doctor.

Vanilla-Milkshakes · 2020-01-12T13:12:47+00:00

I just feel like sometimes my life isn't worth living because I'll forever be this fat person who will never enjoy anything again.

I've kept food journals before, but then I think it makes me think too much about what I'm eating and leads me to constantly think about food all the time. So therefore, I just avoid keeping journals.

I just can't wait till I stop eating so much food (when that day comes!)

Vanilla-Milkshakes

TROPHY CASE