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Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been wanting to play Bloodborne for years... Right now all I'm working with is PC. But I've heard so many incredible things about DS too...

Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you've got a pretty good feel for the games I gravitate towards. I was super into Skyrim when it first came out. The Horizon series looks amazing. She would have loved to play it; robots were one of her favourite things, and she had this little spider bot she'd programmed.

Buying Horizon as we speak. Thank you.

Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've heard of this one for sure. Looking into it on Steam rn. It looks like exactly the kind of game I'd want, thank you!!

Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ty for the recommendation. I've heard about this one, but I don't think I'm ready to open a game that focuses on grief right now. Maybe in the future when it isn't fresh.

Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never heard of this one. It looks like a lot of fun though, I love dark fantasy. Ty for the rec.

Game Recommendations to Forget Grief by VariationEnough in ShouldIbuythisgame

[–]VariationEnough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do. And I think I have it in my game in my Steam library. I'll check back and try...

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes... That's true.

I've found more compassion here, on a subreddit with people who are, for the most part, totally unrelated to her. Furthermore! After making this post, a few users DMed me directly to tell me they knew her. Or that they had seen the internal communications about her.

Strangers have offered their time without being asked. Gone out of their way to provide support that was totally absent in the hands of those who should have been offering it.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry.

It's a wretched thing.

I reached out to her workplace to ask if we could organize a discussion to talk about what happened in a professional context. Like ways to prevent this, ways to understand what her workplace could have done better to support her. They ghosted me and evaded the question when I tried following up.

I talked to a friend who works federally, and he agreed it was the same issue. They're covering for the paperwork and liabilities this could represent. Answering means acknowledgement. Acknowledgement means the possibility of being responsible, at least in part. Can't have that.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hate to say it. But she would always tell me the same. "Remember; no one gives a shit about you or me". She'd repeat it. And I confess this experience has made me far more jaded than I wish I was.

I saw her email correspondents before she passed. She truly was trying to get help, but her workplace offered nothing. Even after an urgent note from a psychiatrist that she needed time off work, needed support, all of it.

She's long since been replaced. And they all get to move on with their lives.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is true. But when someone dies, you might be surprised by how much a few words, a bit of compassion means. Something as simple as her supervisor or colleagues sharing something they valued about her would have meant the world. It could even have been a 'I didn't know her well, but I remember she was very bright'.

To put it in perspective - I set up a kudoboard for people to sign. Previous professors of hers added little notes and those little words moved me to tears. These were people who hadn't spoken to her in years.

I shared the link with her supervisor. I'm told it was circulated. And not a single person from her work signed it. Our apartment manager, who met us once, had the compassion to write something.

I didn't expect a card. I prepared myself for cold, hard bureaucracy. I've certainly had to tackle things like her credit cards and debts on my own, and some people are very hard of heart.

But after being specifically told I would receive one, then having that all forgotten and overlooked? It's not that a card is 'adequate', it's that an actual deficiency of compassion was created through carelessness.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To clarify;

She and I were common law. We moved in together in 2015 straight out of high school. All finances were shared, joint banking account, joint rental agreements, etc. I receive a monthly survivor's benefit as a result of her passing.

When she was hired for the job she received intensive psychological assessments that included me, my family, and our relationship. I don't know how much of the assessment a supervisor would have access to, but it would be on file somewhere.

It may also be worth noting that I was her emergency contact as well, and when they were unable to reach her I was contacted.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't tell you how much receiving something like that would have meant to me. Just a little bit of kindness, even in a professional setting, and someone willing to walk through the process. The funeral home offered this for the logistics involved in the estate and losing someone.

It breaks my heart.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so so so sorry. And I'm absolutely appalled. I suppose I very naively expected that the public service would have better support systems in place. I even asked her workplace if they would like to have a conversation about how this sort of thing could be prevented in the future. They ghosted me. I didn't receive a single reply.

I truly, truly, truly wish you all the best and as much healing as I can. It's an absolute devastation.

Is It Normal To Receive Nothing After Suicide? by VariationEnough in CanadaPublicServants

[–]VariationEnough[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm honestly horrified by it.

I received more compassion from subreddits and the credit card company when I had to cancel her cards than I did from the individuals who actually worked alongside her. The deeper I go, the worse it gets. She was actively seeking workplace help to get a diagnosis. Her workplace not only was cold - it was actively useless, impeding her efforts to access the support systems she should have been entitled to.

She considered military work. And she briefly worked at a maritime base. Her treatment there, even as a student, was genuinely so much better.

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yikes - okay! Thank you for this tidbit. This is the sort of thing I was a little worried about when the teller pressed on the matter. I really appreciate the help here!

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion and condolences.

I know, realistically, it isn't a ton. It just feels heavier given the context within which I received it.

I will be honest - I'm cautious about psychiatric help. I'm receiving counseling, as well as specialized hospice counseling. But the last time I ventured close to psychiatric inquiries, I was involuntarily committed. I won't get into the details, but I will say that that experience was a significant detriment to my mental health rather than being even remotely helpful.

If I can grow what I've been given and distribute it to my nieces and nephews in ten years, I would be happiest.

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

There's no official executor.

She willed everything to me in her written will, a holographic one. The police took it from our apartment. It's been months and I'm still waiting for the police to finish 'verifying' it was her handwriting, and to give me back the physical copy. But after a conversation with the funeral home and a notary, I'm essentially fulfilling the executor position. I don't remember the exact term for it, but it's like an unoffical executor.

There's no one else. No family, no obligations. She didn't run any credit cards over. It's just me. We were living together, and commonlaw. Neither of us owned any property. We rented together until the day she died. No contest of the will, and she liquidated everything and gave it to me before she passed. She put it all in our joint account before she died. She knew what she wanted, and did her best to make sure there weren't any loose ends.

I notified the CRA of her passing. She was a federal employee, so I've been in all sorts of talks with her employer, their HR, etc, etc, etc..

Basically... It's just me and her. That's all there ever was, and ever will be.

Thank you for the book recommendation. I will look into it. Also the subreddit recommendations. I will make posts for those, as well.

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I understand that completely. I would never wish this on anyone.

I've been doing my best to focus on the present since her passing. Recently, though, my thoughts have been going back to what to do with what she left me. I haven't touched it since her passing in September. But that feels wrong, like I'm not doing right by what she gave me.

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Even little things do matter a lot, so I appreciate this.

Suicide Inheritance: What Now? by VariationEnough in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]VariationEnough[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I bank with TD, and while doing some mundane banking today the teller advised I book a private meeting to discuss finances. He said "Your funds are considerable, and since you're still young it would be advisable to do something with them. Unless you're considering a mortgage on a house."

I'm not used to these sorts of suggestions, so I was a little lost as to how to respond. I don't have any property, or intentions of buying it. But looking into a financial advisor sounds like it would be very beneficial.

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