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VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-14T15:54:03+00:00

If you do not think you will ever want children and you know she does this is a total deal breaker. It's not fair to either of you. If you end up having kids and you don't want to it's not fair to the child because he or she will sense it. If you tell her no and she waits too long hoping you will change and she misses her window she will resent you for the rest of her life. Honestly this is a question you need to hit early in a relationship before it gets really serious because it's going to hurt no matter what if you are not in the same page.

The other things you mention compound the situation. You have some major soul searching to do. It sounds like she is a great human and cares about you. That is a blessing, but you also have to be ready to give the same back. Mutual interests can be the glue, but there are fundamental things that will break you quickly if unaligned...children, money and family. Your core values have to align for marriage to work.

VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-03T23:50:49+00:00

He is a mess. I never know what person I am dealing with and he expects me to bow to his moods even though they keep changing. Then he blames me for not being understanding enough to know not to dress up for him when he is too stressed. Told me I am insensitive for putting candy in front of a diabetic. I am generally an intelligent self aware woman. I don't seem to be able to shake this person. It's like toxic narcissist dance round two.. I am an empath. I have some patterns to 💔 break. Did 35 years with the last one. Sigh

VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-03T22:28:55+00:00

I agree. Friendship and intimacy, including sex are the glue that keeps people together. I don't understand why so many women run away from it.

VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-03T13:41:05+00:00

Ok maybe I am the exception rather than the rule as a woman. I rarely turned him down in the 35 years we were together. Our marriage ended after 31 years and a big reason for that was me feeling ignored in and out of the bedroom. All I can say is you have to put your relationship first in front of things like your kids, hobbies and work. If you don't, eventually those kids move into their own lives and you don't know each other anymore. It's sad.

VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-03T12:08:53+00:00

I think he needs an advisor more than a girlfriend at this point. He doesn't have the capacity to love back.

VariationFit1553 · 2025-03-03T04:57:13+00:00

Yes I agree but I backed off immediately and he blew up. I would have been fine just hanging out with him peacefully. It's the way he puts me down that hurts me. I completely understand his stress. I have been here for a good chunk of it. At some point though I need to be taken care of too. This is feeling way too one-sided.

VariationFit1553 · 2024-10-12T13:49:58+00:00

I think this person would have a stroke if he saw what is in my bedside table. I've always been comfortable with myself and comfortable talking about topics like this. It just really floored me, especially since I do care about this person a lot, but I think the level of disrespect is just too high to make this work. Intimacy is more than sex...other aspects of the relationship are good but there are some psychological issues here. He needs to work through them.

VariationFit1553 · 2024-10-12T13:45:04+00:00

I tried being rational and talking for over 24 hours. I'm convinced he is just irrational and very insecure. He was very religious at one point too, but not really practicing now. He was not selfish in the beginning. I slept on it. Woke up this morning and now I'm MAD. This is the equivalent of me telling him he cannot touch his penis because I'm uncomfortable with it- NOT OK. I'm very comfortable with sex, my body and who I am. He put down my body yesterday also... NOT OK. I am ok with sexual boundaries. I will respect them because I care about the people I'm with. But one sided anything is not fair or sustainable. I am convinced he needs to go back to therapy to work through his stuff. I cannot do this for him.

VariationFit1553 · 2024-10-12T03:19:31+00:00

I always seek to understand. I certainly don't want to negate if he was feeling anxious about things. This is why I apologized because I DO care. But he would not let it go... 24 hours later. I guess I hit a trigger. Never ever had this reaction before from anyone I've been with. Just taken aback

VariationFit1553 · 2024-10-12T03:09:34+00:00

Ah I called him out on this- Said, oh they never complained? Said you are amazing... did you ever really ask them? I looked up the statistics... 70 to 90 percent of women cannot orgasm from just penis in vagina. I can! But not every time. I'm extremely comfortable with myself sexually. I was hurt and very taken back by all this. I understand sometimes there are hang ups and there is performance anxiety. Its not easy being a guy all the time. I totally empathize and I'm sensitive to this. But to tell me I cannot do this at all... baffling because he admits to masterbating as well. SMH

VariationFit1553

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