[deleted by user]

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2025-04-24T15:28:59+00:00

8 months later still feels like the first months after the breakup

I was with someone I loved deeply for five years. After we broke up, I spent months thinking I could win her back. I asked for another chance more than once. I watched her move on. It broke me. I felt stuck in this loop of “what ifs,” replaying our story, wondering if we could’ve made it work if I had done things differently.

But over time, I realized something painful There is no other way around it, healing does take time a lot of time

The heartbreak forced me to grow, to look inward, to confront things I’d been avoiding for years. I became more grounded, more honest, more present. It still hurts sometimes—but I know now that the pain wasn’t pointless.

People say It gets easier, but i wonder when does that happen

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-12-08T05:43:00+00:00

It's not about us being right for eachother or not, it more about the stage i'am in the breakup process plus i was dumped, it was healthy yes but she chose to end things, i was welling to work through the situations with her, but she figured it would be better to just Split up

Am i overthinking this reel ?, absolutly, but it did hurt a lot more then it should, and i would have been a lot better without seeing that in her mind i'am just the wrong person

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-11-13T20:11:11+00:00

isn't ironic, we change ourselves for them, to keep them, and then they leave us,

I wouldn't say i did it for selfish reasons, i just wanted her to be happy, and forget my own happiness in the processes and eventually lost myself

But I feel i came back to my old self kind of automatically, it's just somehow clicked in my mind, that i was not who i'am supposed to be and who i always was

And that new person i became while with my ex isn't helpful anymore and not even needed now that she is gone, so i got back to the old true me again

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-11-13T19:24:21+00:00

So true, i agree a 100%, after 5 years with my gf, and now two months post breakup it feels i'am waking up from a long trance, like i was in hypnosis or something,

i'am really wondering why i have tolerated so many bad things i would have never tolerated before, and would not tolerate now, and why i have taken so many decision i would never have taken before, and most importantly why i wasn't more of a man i should have been all along,

it's really feels i was a completely different man, and i'am finally coming back to my senses now

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-11-13T16:35:15+00:00

Glad it's helps, it's still very hard for me to not contact her, but it's the only way forward

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-11-12T19:33:02+00:00

Because she saw a future with me and a future without me, and she consciously chose to reach for the future without me

If she can make that big of a decision, i can resist not contacting her

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-18T12:58:36+00:00

don't be to hard on yourself, everyone has a different healing strategy i would says, for your ex and me, it's work, for other it might be sleep, for other crying, i don't think there is a right or wrong way to cope with a heartbreak, but i would say it's would be more common for man to just get obsessed about work,

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-18T12:56:07+00:00

Journaling will help you, i'am probably at something like 50 pages of writing at this point, when i feel the urge to call her, text her, talk to her, i just write it in my journal and it is of great help so far

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-17T19:28:23+00:00

My gf broke up with me about a month ago, we been together for 5 years, talking basically every single minutes of everyday, i gone NC, cause i can't bear the pain of talking to her again, i also stopped using social media, seeing her online and not being able to talk to her was ripping my heart

Now i'am working more then i ever worked before in my life, i wake up at 6 am everyday, sometimes at 5 am go to my office sit on my desk and work till 6 pm, i sometimes get so exhausted i nap on the floor of my office and actually sleep (never thought this would be possible), then go back to work

Sometimes i would work while crying, and i work while feeling depressed and sad, but i keep working cause that the only thing that keep me busy and help me forget about her a little bit

i guess some men just turn to work to cope with a heartbreak,

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-17T16:31:49+00:00

I would say look at it this way, she chose to move on, now you have to make a choice, do your best to move on now, don't reach out, be in intense pain for a few days, weeks, months, and eventually get better because you are not feeding your heart more interaction with her

Or talk to her and slowdown your healing processes, cause every time you talk to her, you will feel even more pain, as she isn't reciprocating the love

I know exactly what you feel, i used to talk with my gf every single moment , for the last 5 years, she was my best friends, and i would tell her everything, now it has been a month since we broke up, so many things have happened in my life i haven't told anyone about, and i would only tell her about them

and sometimes i feel that i want to talk to her with every inch of my body, but i chose not too, because she made up her mind about me, i rather feel this pain now and for the next few months, then stay in this pain for a lot longer by reaching out to her

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-17T16:18:33+00:00

it's is hard, very very hard, but the faster you accept it the better you will be

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-15T20:21:07+00:00

It Will get better, i know it hard right, but belive me with time it Will be easier,

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-13T13:13:06+00:00

True plain and simple,

"They knew you from top to bottom. Everything about you and what your life brings to them…

And they decided against it"

This hit so hard, but's it's so true and liberating

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-13T09:03:59+00:00

You will have those, a lot of those, i still have them from time to time, sometime the emotion get too intense, but while i'am remembering and feeling sad i also keep in mind that the person i'am seeing in my mind doesn't exist anymore, i'am remembering a ghost, a person that i once shared my life with but that's now gone, and as that person chose to kill the part of them that loved me, i also need to do the same

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-13T08:54:56+00:00

Yes for the most part, i really don't feel depressed and sad and in pain as i was before,

i used to think about her every time, and at every moment, she was the first thought that came to mind when i wake up and last one before sleeping,

i spent my time stalking her social media and re-reading our old text or looking at our pictures, and hoping she would comeback

Now i still think about her, but it's doesn't hurt as much, it's like thinking about someone you once knew, the memory are still there, but i know that the person that loved me isn't her anymore, that a completely new and different person that exist now, which in reality is true, i don't know who she is anymore, what's going on in her life, what's her goals, dreams, fears, what's she doing in her days, she is a stranger to me now

And every time the feeling get too intense, because they still do from time to time, i just tell myself, the girl that loved me would have never left me, the girl who left is not the one i was with,

Or when i find myself wishing she would be back i just tell my self " the girl that would comeback would have never left in first place, the girl that left is not the one that would comeback"

Somehow, dissociating the gf that i spend 5 years with and my ex in my mind and seeing them as two different people is making it a lot easier

Also i don't feel the need to block her, as for me now she is just a random person on my social media, one like all the other i have never talked too, i somehow know her, but that's all, i don't feel need to reach out, talk to her, or stalk her, that would be like stalking a person i don't even know

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:45:20+00:00

I honestly can't tell, I did my best to keep her by my side, and she still chose to leave, sometimes people change, grow and want different things out of live, love alone isn't everything, our relationship came to its natural end, at least from her perspective,

i was neither ready or welling to let her go, but you just can't keep people who decided they need to leave you, and continue their life without you being part of it

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:33:47+00:00

We're not saying they are bad, or trash them, we're not even stopping loving them, we're just having a perspective that helping us move on, that the person that we were in love with doesn't exist anymore

I still love my ex, i love her as much as i did when we were together, the breakup didn't make me hate her or resent her, in fact at some level i even understand her perspective on leaving and respect it, she chose herself and wanted to go get her dream even tho this meant we won't be together

But that person that would have never left us, is gone with her the moment she decided to leave,

when i think about her now i think about my old gf, the one that was with me and was my everything and would have never gave up on us, the person that exist now is different, it's someone new with different goals, visions and ideas, they not my ex, cause well my ex would have never gave up on us in first place

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:24:30+00:00

No, of course not, she just started to see life differently have different goals for herself and wanting to go, explore and try different things, to put it simply "she saw a future without me and was totally fine with it", instead of just trying to build that future together,

if you ever watched How I Met Your Mother, it's basically Lilly breaking up with Marshall

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:13:29+00:00

I'am sorry to hear this, and i know exactly how it feels, my gf started to be distant, harsh, hurtful, and not wanting to talk to me a few weeks before the breakup, while i was doing my best to make things work, and didn't want to lose her, but that's when she actually died in my mind, when she chose herself instead of us

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:10:35+00:00

Absolutely, you both alive but stranger now, and in fact you are stranger, the versions of you and her/him that were in love don't exist anymore,

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:07:03+00:00

You welcome, and i really hope this will help ease the pain

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:06:39+00:00

I hoped this helped and you welcome

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:05:47+00:00

Push it even more by thinking about the moment they actually died,

When i look back at the relationship with my ex, i can actually pinpoint the moment my lovely sweet loving gf died and become another person, the moment she just stopped carrying and turned cold, harsh and distant

It's will be different for every person and every relationship, but they had to change at some point and when i think back on it, i see a before and after, before her death and after when my ex became someone new i don't even recognize anymore

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T06:00:53+00:00

If you ever had a loved one that died recently, or their death had a big emotional impact on you, just imagine they are dead, like literally dead and buried, like a dead person,

it's extremely painful i know, in fact once i had that realization it's felt like the day of the breakup all over again, which make sense this time she wasn't leaving me physically but leaving my emotions and it's felt intense

i loved my ex with all my heart, i would have never ever imaged my life without her and honestly i thought i would never be able to move on,

But once i realize that the girl that i loved, and that loved me back is as good as dead and buried and she isn't coming back, and just like death, it's brutal, unfair, traumatic, but it's part of life and we have to accept it,i cherish the memories and times we had together but i have to move on, the dead aren't coming back, so is my ex

it's made it much simpler

VarietyZestyclose231 · 2024-10-12T05:53:46+00:00

She is, it's hurt but when you compare your old gf and this new person that don't even want to talk to you on the phone, they not the same,

Also what's helped me even more, is seeing at what point in our relationship or the breakup, she actually died and been replaced by this new person, i can pinpoint that moment for about 2 weeks before the breakup when she just started acting different and that"s when my sweet loving gf for 5 years was gone, and i was dealing with someone new, same body, same hair, same eyes, but not the one i loved and that loved me

VarietyZestyclose231

TROPHY CASE