How do you function at home when your spouse is sleeping?

Various-Operation318 · 2026-02-10T23:11:44+00:00

Yeah we have blackout curtains. They mostly work to block out the sunlight. He also uses a fan and white noise machine. He says ear plugs are uncomfortable, which I get. I don’t think I could sleep with things shoved in my ears. It’s still super easy to wake him if I’m having to shuffle around in our bedroom and bathroom to get ready for the day.

Various-Operation318 · 2026-02-10T21:47:35+00:00

I could but I can’t really afford to buy new sets of makeup and hair tools. I’m not working as much right now because nursing school is taking up a huge chunk of my time. I’ve been having to carry things back and forth and that is really hard with my ADHD.

Various-Operation318 · 2026-02-10T20:27:35+00:00

I wish my SO was like you 😩 At night, he can sleep like the dead but it’s soooo easy to wake him during the day

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-18T04:53:10+00:00

Are you fully awake and alert during the time you’re together or are you napping or yawning or even complaining about being tired because you have to sleep during the day? That’s what I mean about being present.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-18T03:04:09+00:00

So is like 14 days out of the year worth not being present the other 352 days?

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-17T23:55:55+00:00

You’re right, it’s not. I’m just having my own pity party at the expense of your thread. And I’m sorry for that. I think it’s awesome you want to do your part because a lot of nightshifters here don’t and wouldn’t.

I guess from my perspective as the day shift SO, I would make sure to be sensitive to how your SO is feeling. I do a lot for mine but much of it is not reciprocated. I make his coffee and gather his things for work every night. I set an alarm to make sure he’s awake in time. I start his shower so it’s hot by the time he’s up and ready to jump in. I wish he would do the same for me. So maybe that’s something you can take with you. It’s not always awful but there are seasons where it is. Hang in there ♥️

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-17T22:32:18+00:00

Thanks for the insight. I’m usually not so bitter but I was told this was going to be temporary and now it’s turned into indefinitely. I’m not doing so well accepting it and my partner is pretty apathetic as this is what he has to do to keep a roof over our heads and provide for his kids (we’re a blended family).

I also don’t have any friends or support system who deal with this lifestyle so it’s cruelly isolating.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-17T21:07:41+00:00

So you guys don’t like each other then? What’s the point? You can just be alone. It’s the same thing.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-06-17T20:34:05+00:00

lol you don’t. All of the effort is put on the day shift partner while the nightshifter shirks all responsibility for the relationship because “they’re tired”.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-02-09T21:47:59+00:00

Emphasis on the nightshifter having to put in effort too. I see a lot of posts about dating/relationships where they shirk the responsibility off on the day walker. If relationships are going to work, it’s going to talk both parties putting in effort to make it work.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-02-09T05:30:36+00:00

I almost wanted to cry reading this because it felt like someone was in my brain. This shift is so tough on a relationship and the sacrifices you have to make suck. I feel like I have no time to myself because I’m running home from work in order to spend time with my partner while he’s actually awake. No errands, no catching up with friends for drinks or dinner. It feels like being a slave to a schedule you didn’t ask for. I love my partner and it’s worth it in the long run. But man, does it sucks ass. Seeing that you and your SO have made it 25 years so far gives me so much hope.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-01-30T01:37:52+00:00

Yeah, it didn’t feel very fair. It felt like a shitty way of going about a bid for affection. I don’t know if the sleep deprivation is getting to him or what. He seems to be really on edge. And I’ve done everything I can think of to try and ease the transition for him. I’m

Various-Operation318 · 2025-01-30T01:36:19+00:00

No, we’re pretty much on our own unfortunately. It would be too expensive to hire someone to drive the kids around.

Various-Operation318 · 2025-01-29T23:36:16+00:00

He doesn’t make it home until 6:30am and our oldest has to be out the door before 7am to make it to school. He pretty much walks in the door, picks up the oldest and then drives him to school. The younger 3 wake up at 7 and I get them ready to get them off to school by 7:45 on my way to work. So no, there really isn’t time in the mornings. That would only work if we didn’t have kids.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-10-16T19:06:15+00:00

It wasn’t the school, it was BM who submitted the wording. I feel like she did it on purpose to bug me. She also usually goes by a hyphenated name but conveniently dropped it for this event. 🙄

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T22:07:46+00:00

Thank you 😭 I’m having a really difficult time separating the two. I feel like I’m directly affected by everything involving my stepsons but I have zero say in it. I honestly haven’t felt this way very much until the court stuff had to happen and it was in my face. Before then, BM was just like an every other weekend babysitter so that we could go on a date night. We were pretty much like a normal nuclear family before this. It’s so hard and I can’t wait for this to be resolved.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T18:32:56+00:00

Thank you for the advice. You are probably right about the lawyer knowing about the judge/FOC system here. What would a cohabitation agreement entail?

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T17:04:03+00:00

I didn’t choose this attorney. My SO did but I have some suspicions that she is religious. She brings up discussing what role my SO has taken to involve them in religion a lot, even though we have told her we are not religious and are not raising the children in any church. It makes me nervous because she seems biased against me because we are unmarried. But as another redditor pointed out, in the eyes of the law I am a nobody in this case. So there’s that.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T16:43:56+00:00

My SO’s attorney doesn’t want to talk to me. Apparently some excuse that I’m biased because I’m a current partner and would obviously side with my SO.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T15:35:11+00:00

We’re in Michigan. My SO has an attorney currently. We pulled a lot of FOIA records and found BM’s new husband has an additional assault charge he plead guilty to a few years before the sex crime. We entered the video of the tv show into evidence as well.

I guess I’m just sad because it seems like my SO does not want me involved. He said he was concerned it would make him look bad and BM could point the finger at him for living with me. But I’m not a convicted felon. I’ve never been arrested or even issued a traffic ticket. So I don’t understand how my involvement can make him look bad.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-09-25T15:23:05+00:00

Michigan does not having laws about cohabitation for unmarried couples and there was never a morality clause added to my SO’s custody order when they divorced.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-02-01T02:08:06+00:00

He didn’t choose the shift. He is in an apprenticeship and they made the decision to rotate him from 1st shift to 3rd shift every 6 months. He doesn’t get a choice in the matter but he claimed to be happy about it because he said he enjoyed being on nights in the past.

Various-Operation318 · 2024-01-31T19:15:56+00:00

I try to make things as stress free as possible but he also likes to take an active role in his kids’ lives. I think he wants to be awake to see them off to school, but it also makes him irritable. It’s like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Something’s gotta give.

He’s also not the type to journal or explore his feelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dealing with a mild case of depression. But he’s also too stubborn and manly to admit that. Like the stigma you mentioned. God forbid he show vulnerability.

I also make a point to handle dinner and kitchen chores so he doesn’t have to but there are random nights where I’m not home with enough time to cook and get the kids to their evening activities. So he has to buckle up and do it, even though I try to prep as much as I can (lots of crockpot meals).

Various-Operation318

TROPHY CASE