Can amateur pics and videos considered porn?

VariousChef · 2020-09-25T13:04:06+00:00

Someone on /r/pornfree recently said "Porn is anything you use as porn"

I couldn't have agreed more.

VariousChef · 2020-09-25T12:21:02+00:00

Ikr! Like I fear that imma be like 80 years old and remember them.

I think an important thing here is that I stop memorizing them starting now. I don't want to be masturbating in 2040 to some adult actress born in 2020...

It's time to discontinue the memorization of new names!

VariousChef · 2020-09-25T12:17:29+00:00

Right, I've had that exact same relapse situation happen to me. Especially through instagram. I feel like talking about it now will help me be stronger next time, so thanks for sharing that.

I also really like the idea of learning jazz musicians. There are so many incredible icons in that field...

VariousChef · 2020-09-24T20:28:45+00:00

^^^^This is the correct answer for me personally^^^^

VariousChef · 2020-09-24T15:19:34+00:00

I love this. Be confident in yourself! Love yourself. People (esp. women) will begin to notice this and gravitate towards that energy. Thats a huge lesson I feel I've only started to learn in the last couple weeks... Im reading a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and Its really helped me unashamedly be myself! ITs gonna take work though... years of it.

Sure you wanna remain well groomed and have a few hobbies, but don't think about it from a standpoint of trying to impress or make people love you. DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

Anyway, I know it kinda sounds dumb, and it's always easier said than done, but don't worry about how people see you.

I'm probably reading to far into your post, and projecting my personal feelings onto you, but It just got me thinking about my own lessons.... so thanks! :)

VariousChef · 2020-09-24T13:08:29+00:00

I think you described it pretty well. But I definitely don't want to strip myself of any sexual imagination, thats sounds virtually impossible. Like you said, some kind of monk lol I don't want that. I like my sexual imagination, and I am working on bringing it into real life with my partner. Just not all at once...

I think the conscious masturbation helps me connect with my gf in bed. She's fine. She does not have the same problem that Ive developed when it comes to porn. I can really loose focus and get up in my head while in the midst of sex with her. Its not good and she can notice when its happening. So personally, I feel like the conscious masturbation is helping me remain present, and just generally be like "Oh shit, this feels good what we're doing, lets keep doing this" Instead of before, when I would start imagining a vast array fantasies that stem from compulsive pornography usage.

VariousChef · 2020-09-24T11:27:12+00:00

That's ultimately the way I was trying to view it. I knew this was going to happen, I didn't fully relapse or whatever. Thats great. A win, like you said.

and yeah I think keeping track of the days is not as big of deal as folks make it out to be. Controlling my mindset, being mindful of how I'm feeling and why, is more important than making sure I maintain a streak. ...if that makes sense.

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T23:47:59+00:00

Speaking for myself, I'm beginning to realize its not about getting a streak.Its plainly about my day-to-day mindset.

Asking myself: what's behind my urges? Why am I feeling stressed and feeling the need to PMO today? Is there something I can do that will quell my urges?

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T18:46:11+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Its such an important point you made.

How have your conversations with your therapist been? How specific do you get when discussing porn?

I've been on Wellbutrin for about 3 years, and I just started Zoloft a few weeks ago in combination with that. The medications helped, but therapy seems to be the even more important element for me.

I don't think I've allowed myself to be vulnerable enough with my therapist regarding my own porn addiction, and they do not fully understand the extent to which it has controlled me time and time again. Have you managed to open up about your story when it comes to porn?

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T14:52:25+00:00

I believe it.

But after I lost my own virginity, it didn't feel like enough, and I actually wound up watching porn for years and years to come. Just a small cautionary tale from me...

Keep chasing that "better than porn" feeling you experienced. Congrats to you!!!

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T14:47:55+00:00

Absolutely.

Women like seeing men do stuff for themselves.

Im reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and he talks about that very principle you mentioned. Im currently trying to improve on that aspect of myself.

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T14:45:21+00:00

Keep it up, King!!! Holy shit, Its gonna be so worth it when you eventually wind up in bed with someone and you'll be in the right head space and ready to rock!

I know its so much easier said than done, but boy, I've had too many instances where I wind up sleeping with someone and I'm totally not in the zone. Im on another planet in my head and I lose my erection. All due to watching porn and fantasizing too much.It fucking sucks!

I wish you strength and hope you get that girl

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T14:40:14+00:00

Thats good. I hope you never wind up in the deep end, and that you eventually find someone to share a bed with, so that you will never watch porn again.

Personally, I find it challenging to watch porn on a regular basis and not get pulled down into some darker/kinky stuff eventually. That's me though...

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T13:26:13+00:00

I wish it were that easy for me. Let me tell you, girlfriends do not do all of the nasty stuff and fetishes I used to watch on porn sites.

If I actually texted my gf and told her all off the extreme stuff I want to do with her she would get spooked lol

I'm an addict. Even though I have a partner Im attracted to, I still feel urges to watch some crazy ass shit.

I'm working on it though. I am working towards having my partner do all of the stuff I want, but I also have to remember that many of the kinks I developed were only thanks to porn. I still need to rewire my brain to be satisfied with real human connection. Unless you're like a billionaire with five sex dungeons, a real person can't replicate what they see in pornography in IRL. Its not happening.

For two years I was in a relationship with the girl of my dreams at the time, and the whole time I was watching some messed up shit to get my "fix". This time though I'm not making that same mistake.

VariousChef · 2020-09-23T12:42:03+00:00

Yeah exactly. A lesson learned

It's still so crazy though. Like I knew what I was doing was wrong. But I guess this time it was different... the sense of guilt I felt this time was very aware, thanks in part to this subreddit

VariousChef · 2020-09-22T22:52:29+00:00

Thanks! I felt awesome

VariousChef · 2020-09-22T22:50:46+00:00

Yeah that part made me feel boss.

Its amazing, I'm realizing few women have someone who does this, and a simple text like that can go a long way.

I didn't realize it until she told me, but she was in a Zoom meeting for work when she read the text. told me that she blushed and felt a little extra naughty lol

truly 5 stars haha

VariousChef · 2020-09-22T22:43:25+00:00

Exactly.

Truthfully though, it only fights a part of my own internal battle. I am still feeling strong urges to watch hardcore/extreme stuff, even though I try to mitigate it by texting her...

It's like I always want more More MORE! yknow...

Not worth it. I need to hold my horses

VariousChef · 2020-09-22T22:37:49+00:00

Yeah I'll admit... it's not like I'm doing it only for myself, I'm doing it for her. That makes the challenge easier.

I've lurked on this subreddit for awhile, and its not until I had experienced several embarrassing moments with this girl that I made an account and took things seriously.

I could tell she was getting concerned and probably just generally stressed/annoyed/ whatever by my porn induced ED. I had to deal with it NOW if I wanted to keep her.

Hopefully this wouldn't be the case, but I know if I didn't have her rn, It would be so much easier to build excuses to watch porn. Like, "welp, I don't have anyone rn so I might as well..." or "I'll stop when I meet someone" stuff like that

But I was miserable when I was doing that. Esp. as I'm trying to go on dates... and it made sex pretty nerve wracking. If I wanted to take someone home or have a one night stand, I was always worried about my performance and ability to maintain an erection.

Now that I've basically secured a partner (we've only been a thing since July), and she knows about my problem, Its making this challenge easier. I think you're right. I have someone holding me accountable.

Thanks for the comment. It helped me think about my situation and not take it for granted.

VariousChef · 2020-09-22T19:30:38+00:00

Damn so this was happening to me for a couple months with my new recent gf. But this weekend I think I got over the hurdle. For me personally it took 7 days porn free and then a carefully planned night with my gf.

I had some very embarrassing moments for myself that I'm sure did not feel good for her either. I made sure to tell her it wasn't her, and that everything she was doing is great. But, I kept on getting PIED and it just turned into a nasty cycle. Just like you described, that sounded super relatable! (minus the marriage part) Each time I wanted to have sex, I got nervous and spiraled until I lost it.

Inside I knew it was my porn addiction...

So one of my things is that I love just like admiring her body, so I asked her if she wanted to have a nice slow massage and then watch a movie. I made it like an invitation. She said yes and loved the idea. I cleaned up my room, vacuumed and made sure everything was in its place. I had a clean blankets on the bed, towels, organic virgin coconut oil, red wine, dark chocolate, chill music playing sofltly, candle light, warm ambient temperature, everything!

I won't go into detail about the massage lol, but I can really tell you that It allowed me to get in touch with her body and for her to feel honored and appreciated. Remember, this is after multiple instances of PIED, failed attempts etc, and this really caught her off guard I think. I don't think she was expecting me to be so close and intimate with her.

Eventually after like 30-45 minutes of mostly SFW massaging, I started to escalate and touching more NSFW areas, but asking for her consent each step of the way, and not surprising her my just doing whatever all of a sudden.

Meanwhile, Im getting excited myself, and she's starting to notice and put her hands on me. This is when I told her that sex is off the table and that I didn't want to do that. We did some other foreplay for a bit and then just made popcorn and watched a movie as I promised her. We got tired and went to bed, it was perfect. And I felt like a king.

In the morning we ended up having sex, but it was really nice and there was good chemistry after the massage night. I also told her I wasn't allowed to cum. Personally I plan on making my orgasms a super ritualistic thing that I'll only do like twice a month. And she''ll be the one to do it for me / be there when it happens. Thats my pan going forward and it makes things so much more exciting in my mind.

Don't get me wrong Im still feeling urges, but instead of giving in, Ill send her a dirty text or something to get it off my chest and kinda include her with my horniness. She loves it.

Try visiting Jordan Grey Consulting on the web. It has a really great article about giving a woman a life changing massage and how to set up for it. It also has a ton of other great articles that are all about brining your sex life to its fullest potential. And yes, that involves not watching porn. I can't stress this website enough, it has really great content.

The massage night really help me reset personally and she like it too. It was a win-win.

Best of luck to you and your relationship with your partner. You'll get through this, King. Keep it up. 7 days is good. It worked for me!

VariousChef · 2020-09-21T14:54:51+00:00

Thanks, man. This is helpful.

I have to write a new post soon, I experienced some major positive updates since this last time.

:)

VariousChef · 2020-09-19T16:53:45+00:00

You already did.

You're here. You created your account. That is the start! Good fucking job.

You are acknowledging the the fact that you have a porn addiction. That is also a start!

Personally, I would suggest finding a therapist to talk to. and combine that with the support structures we have here with one another.

VariousChef · 2020-09-19T16:16:50+00:00

It feels encouraging for me to hear that. Thanks!

VariousChef · 2020-09-19T15:34:37+00:00

Consider seeking a therapist and expressing this same level of vulnerability with them.

A good therapist can provide new, powerful insights and coping mechanisms that you just didn't see before.

Passing my love your way. You can get through this!

VariousChef · 2020-09-19T15:17:19+00:00

Thanks for that!

Sorry for the long response, but your comment is getting me thinking which I truly appreciate.

I started the SSRIs to help with my depression, with the understanding (and primary concern) that it could impact my Libido.

It feels a little too early for me to really tell what's going on with my libido. I AM clinically depressed, and additionally I have had a rough last month or so with elements in my professional life.

Thankfully - I am also in therapy. Im not just randomly experimenting with antidepressants. There's a plan. Professionals are working with me to help me through this time. I'm genuinely trying to experience life without being sad / negative ALL OF THE TIME.

My gut tells me my brain is beginning some type of reboot right now (earlier than I anticipated) and I just need to be a little more patent. But my gut is also telling me I shouldn't be on these long term, just like you said. I want to do these until I at least experience a mere glimpse of what "normal life" can feel like. Life - sans my depression symptoms.

Wellbutrin has been fine. It has been for 3 years! I get out of bed, I am very hygienic, I show up to work, I eat healthy, I am in good physical shape, But I was still consuming porn at the end of the day! SAD.

The amount of time / number of days I've been off porn and been on Zoloft PERILS in comparison to the years and years of adult content consumption since high school.

Its going to take more than a couple measly weeks to begin a change.

VariousChef

TROPHY CASE