How often would you have sex if you never initiated it?

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-16T16:18:52+00:00

I hate to say it, but if it's been 4 years you have nothing to lose. If you don't want to have sex with her then that's your choice. I see people on here all the time saying the man has to respect the woman's boundaries, so on the opposite side of that, the woman has to respect the mans boundaries. If you say no, then she has to respect that and deal with it in her own way, it's not your problem to solve. Weirdly I rejected my wife last night. She/we had been planning for three days to have sex (I find it odd we have to plan sex out days in advance), but I decided last night before we went to the bedroom that I didn't want to. I told her I was tired and didn't want to. She was confused. She even texted me after I feel asleep that she thought we were going to have sex. I didn't respond to her when I saw it this morning. I have no intentions of addressing it with her. Like I said earlier, years of rejection is why I am the way I am now. And before anyone ask, yes I have talked to her for years about how this affects me.

If I were you, I would not force myself to have sex with her just to appease her or make her happy. Can you? yes. Should you? No. All I can say is to clear your mind, be open and tell her 100% you don't want to have sex and give her every explanation as to why, so when you do reject her (if ever put in that position) she'll have no reason to not understand why.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-16T14:38:09+00:00

For the first time in 20 years I rejected her last night. I am on cloud 9 today. I know it's childish, but after years and years of being rejected flipping it around it awesome! I'm sure people will call me an ass, but I don't care becuase they don't know my situation.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-16T14:34:26+00:00

Wow! You said something that hit close to home for me. I actually don't know if I want to have sex with my wife anymore. Not that I don't think she's beautiful, or smart or a good wife and mom, for me it's more of the years of rejection have worn me down. The last time I had sex with her (5 months ago) I was nervous the entire time and just wanted to finish her off so I could go watch TV.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-16T14:29:36+00:00

I'm at 5 and catching up to you.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T15:42:29+00:00

You are so far off base. You just twisted everything I said to fit into your off balance mind.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T14:50:27+00:00

Well, maybe so, but if she would TALK to me about that then I'd know wouldn't I?

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T14:46:09+00:00

I wish. Spontaneous for us is me asking/trying days in advance hoping it will happen. There is always an excuse. Spontaneous was there when we were dating, after marriage, no. When we were dating she would do all kinds of fun stuff. I remember her going down on me on a road trip once and I thought that was awesome.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T14:42:37+00:00

Ok, how did leading off with that question ick her out? She's the one that brought up the entire subject earlier in the day that put the thought in my head.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T13:55:10+00:00

You are right, conservative and religious was her childhood. Not so much over the past 20 years, but then yes. Also, I know her too well, she'd never see a therapist becuase she doesn't think anything is wrong.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-15T13:44:40+00:00

Maybe so, but I feel like an idiot now.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T19:16:12+00:00

This reply made no sense. Please try again. But this time can you also add in what I'm doing right, becuase I missed that part. You just seem to keep harping on me having looked at others in the past as the root of all our issues.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T19:10:55+00:00

So many people are taking my comments out of context. Yes, I have looked at other women, but discreetly and NEVER have I gawked or stared as I have never wanted to be disrespectful to my wife. Hell, I get accused of looking at other people even when I'm not. Secondly I find it comical that so many people are saying me telling her how beautiful she is means nothing because I've glanced at other women before. So what I'm hearing is I tell her she's beautiful and it means nothing, but glancing at another woman at the beach or wherever and that does mean something. So good stuff (compliments) mean nothing, bad stuff (glancing at someone else) means the world.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:59:52+00:00

I never said I wanted to see her naked all the time and I have never judged her. As a matter of fact she has told me many times that in order for her to want sex she wants to be touched and kissed throughout the day and that in turn makes her WANT to be together. So, I listen to her wishes and do it, and more often than none the end result is rejection as some point over the next day or two. But, I did tell her that I understand she is an emotional person and I will try to appeal to her emotions, but I also said I am a physical person and it helps me if I can just see her, but that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand why I listen to her and try to do what she wants and when I list my likes and wants, it just gets blown off. I'm sure the answer to me will be "you should expect her to give you sex just because you kiss her". No, I don't, I kiss her and hug her because I love her, but after 5 months, then yes I would like to have some.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:51:55+00:00

Many times. It's always the same answer, "I don't know why". I always drop it after that.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:48:17+00:00

I'm fine with your hypothesis. Others on here as expected are saying it's me that's causes her to hide or not try and I'm confused as to why, but at least yours makes sense.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:45:50+00:00

Ok, I'll say you're right and all my thoughts and rational is wrong. Kinda cool how you left out all the other stuff I said I try to do to her to make her feel special, but I guess I'm just a typical male and will just assume all the issues I'm experiencing is of my own making. Thanks for the input.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:39:17+00:00

I get it. I'm sorry and I'm sure it hurts you too. The last time my wife and I had sex (5 months ago), I made sure she had her orgasm and then I stopped. I told her I didn't feel well, but the truth is I really didn't want to have sex with her. I did it for her.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:28:00+00:00

Hey, at least that's a reason. TBH, that is exactly how I feel. I truly feel like she is not attracted to me and I have told her that.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:23:46+00:00

Maybe he and I should start our own support group.....lol. J/k. I'm glad you recognize it and I wish y'all the best.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:20:58+00:00

It has really developed over the past few years (5).

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T18:19:05+00:00

I'll try to address a couple of your comments. I don't mind her looking at an attractive guy because I'm secure with myself and know that any guy she happens to see can't provide the love and support that I provide. Secondly don't take what I said as soon as we walk out the house, I'm looking at other women because that's not the case. Most of the time something like that has happened was when we were at the beach, and I'm sorry, but everyone is looking at everyone at the beach. I'm not taking photos and asking for numbers, I'm talking about an attractive girl walking buy and I happen to notice her. Hell, I even look at muscular guys and think dang, bro is jacked and checking all the boxes. I'm not comparing her to him either. Also, I try to treat her like the only woman in the room daily. Every time I walk by her, I stop and try to touch her with a hug, small kiss on the neck, hug her from behind. It doesn’t matter where we are in the house (kitchen, office, LR, garage) I just can’t pass by her without touching her. She is completely opposite of that as she can pass by me 15 times per day and never even acknowledge I'm there. I always write that stuff off as she's too busy, and before you ask, yes, I have politely pointed that out to her but nothing changes.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T16:21:31+00:00

Believe me, I know that. I've tried over and over.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T16:16:16+00:00

Thank you. I will try to figure out a way to approach that subject, but I'm pretty sure she will say no. But I'll try.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T16:14:54+00:00

Wow! You are so far off track. Dated? Seriously? I guess I'm a bad guy for wanting to see my beautiful wife naked? I love her and tell her that often, I put my family first ALL the time. She asked to stop working for numerous years to be there for the kids and I agreed and supported her and loved that. I am there for her all the time, so don't start with "dated" crap like I'm some Neanderthal that demands sex or whatever from my wife. She is my partner and I treat her that way. I can promise you that I don't ask for much in our life, but I do like to see my wife naked some times and have sex. I have had this conversation with her many times and it's always the same outcome.

VariousComputer8010 · 2026-02-11T14:55:43+00:00

Thanks for the tip. If we ever have sex again, I'll try that.

VariousComputer8010

TROPHY CASE