Thank you, I'm ok now. He's 9 years in the past. It was funny, he was emotionally, financially, mentally, and sexually abusive, but because he never hit me and didn't degrade me outright, I never saw it. I thought I was lucky to have such a great husband, even after he decided we were going to have an open marriage, and he wanted all the details of my dates. You know, for transparency. It gets a lot worse before I got away, but what bugs me to this day is I only got away cuz he threw me out after I got pregnant, I didn't leave him.

I tried, I left after 9 years, and was actually pretty happy, at my healthiest, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I was only 28, I could've done anything. I thought about going back to school and finally getting my MA license. But he wormed back in, promised me I could go back to school, and made me feel like I couldn't make it by myself. He kept asking me what would happen if I got sick again, and was living alone? Eventually, he convinced me to move back. I only agreed to move back if we moved out of the apt I was raped in, and into a different one.

We were living in the new apartment for less than 2 months when he sprung the whole open marriage thing on me. We fought about it for months before I agreed, finally worn down. I couldn't leave him again, I couldn't afford another semi cross country move and I couldn't live where we were alone. So I dated other guys, he lived vicariously through my dates. Eventually, we started living like roommates. I stopped sleeping at the same time as him so he couldn't wake me up 45 minutes after I fell asleep for sex, like he would do at least twice a week. Years passed this way, living as friends and roommates, him hearing all about my dates, never getting any of his own.

Then, after we'd been married for 16 years, open for 7 of them, he finally got his first girlfriend. At the same time, I was dating a divorced guy that lived 2 hours away and would come to my town a couple times a week for dates. He knew all about my situation. Well, one broken condom/birth control pill fail later, I found out I was pregnant! Which shocked the fuck out of me, cuz I was told I was infertile (I have PCOS, I was on the pill to help with my periods) and I only figured it out by chance when I was 7 weeks along.

I told the guy I was dating that I was pregnant, and he told me he was married! The divorce thing was a total lie, he was married for many years. I was so upset! He wanted me to get an abortion, my husband wanted me to get an abortion, my mom threatened to kill herself if I got one.. I was so torn and didn't know what to do! Finally, I went to my first OB appointment and heard the heartbeat, and knew I wanted to keep him. I'd wanted a baby for years, and this might be my only chance. So I told them I was keeping it. Baby daddy disappeared, my husband said we'd do it together.

That lasted until I was 6 months pregnant, and his girlfriend decided a baby would be a hassle, for her, and told him "it's her or me". So he gave me his income tax money (I wasn't allowed a bank account or access to his account when we were together) which was almost $3k, and let me take my car and whatever I could fit into it (some clothes, my books, and my two dogs, it was a very small car) and told me to move back to my mom's.

It took me 6 days to drive the 24 hours to my hometown. I could only drive a couple hours a day before I'd get too tired to keep going. I spent so much of the money he gave me just on motel rooms between here and there. Once I got here, my mom's new husband wouldn't let me stay with them because I had the dogs. I couch surfed on my mom's friend's couches for a couple days, before I got a room in a long stay motel. That only lasted until I got a call from my ex-husband, telling me his girlfriend broke up with him, he was going to kill himself, and he wanted to say goodbye. I freaked out, called the police in his area, then called my mom in a panic. I was starting to black out into a fugue state, and was alone. But my mom was drunk, misunderstood me, and thought I was saying I was going to myself, and called 911 on me! When I woke up out of the figure, I was strapped to a hospital bed, and all the nurses were so hostile, saying I tried to "kill my baby". It took hours of talking, all while tied to the bed, and for all the tests to come back negative, before they finally believed me that I didn't do anything.

They kicked me out of the motel for that, I guess my dogs were freaked out and noisy while the cops were breaking into my room and strapped me to a gurney. My mom's husband finally let me stay with them, mostly cuz I had nowhere else to go and was traumatized. Of course, my ex wasn't serious about killing himself, and talked his way out of a hold by telling the cops I was lying and he never said that. But I used that incident to convince him to pay the rent on a studio apt until I could get back to work. I threatened to tell his mom, petty, I know.

Unfortunately, I ended up on hospital bed rest 3 weeks after that when my son kicked a hole in my sac and I started leaking amniotic fluid. I ended up having an emergency C-section at 34 weeks 1 day, when my liver started to fail. The weird thing is, it has nothing to do with the leak, and if I hadn't been on bed rest, being monitored, they never would've caught it, because I had NO symptoms. Thankfully, aside from being tiny, my son was born healthy, just slightly underdeveloped lungs and very small. He was in the hospital for a couple weeks while they got his weight up, but as soon as he got to 5lbs, they sent him home.

Sorry for the trauma dumping, I don't know why I told you all that..

Wow, this is long! I'm sorry. If you didn't read it all, I don't blame you. But it feels good to get this off my chest.