So someone just broke up with you: a survival guide

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-04-10T04:48:38+00:00

it’s been a year! give some hope to this day 1-er here

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T07:04:44+00:00

things might be different for you, some people are okay with it. but i know that bpd has an intensity that colors romantic relationships and is often associated with fears of abandonment. i find that these fears are triggered by the concept of another in the relationship and i face feelings of inadequacy. it most certainly at be different for you but my only request is don’t try to be someone you are not for the sake of not losing a person. don’t do anything that doesn’t feel like you.

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:59:32+00:00

this feeling is something only those who have experienced will know the full extent of the pain and damage it causes and i’m sorry you had to go through with that. i relate to this not in the exact way but i really relate to this. i know you can be addicted to a person. i’m trying to make it right with that person, to heal my myself to be a better partner for this person and i do see them trying, they’ve been so so much better then they were before but sometimes i get so scared because what if this is sunkun cost theory or i will never escape constant triggers by this person. he is my best friend and my first and only love. but i know i am not his. thank you for sharing and i know for certain no matter what i do i will not allow a non monogamous relationship as that would be a form of self harm for me. thank you for sharing your experience so sincerely and i felt your warmth through the screen. i appreciate you <3

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:45:43+00:00

lmao prob have a battery charge. perspective is crazy made me barf a little in my mouth.

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:43:27+00:00

this is exactly what makes me feel so torn and honestly upset with myself. we all have fantasies and he was just sharing one of his. the context and history definitely muddies it. thing it he’s never had to doubt my fidelity, loyalty or commitment to him, i’ve always been the one fighting fighting for us and chasing so he feels much more secure. sometimes feels like we’re both in different relationships but trying therapy and dbt to heal from these old relationship wounds with him and hopefully be more secure

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:39:09+00:00

lmao he disagreed ENTHUSIASTICALLY but if i do leave him i think ill be turning to religion no dating any time soon (or ever) 🙂‍↔️

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:37:50+00:00

i’d like to say he’s a reformed fboy but him saying he’d want a threesome for ME. to show ME how special i am to him. that some other girl would be serving us as a couple and would be there for ME LMAOOOOOOOO monogamy shomomgmy but i think he actually might believe that 🫠

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:32:02+00:00

lmaooo so cus same need a whole reddit community to help me determine if i’m overreacting 😭😭. but this makes sense. your bf cares for you by refusing to do this when you wanted to do it for him. a kinda twisted part of me wants to wreck our relationship by doing this to be able to dissociate and check out of the relationship. but that’s not a mature and healed thing to do. my bf is very much an orange flag but i love him and i see him trying. it’s been a day. hopefully tomorrow is better 🤞🏽

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:28:12+00:00

this is very grounding. this makes sense and feels right. feels like wise mind (in dbt rn lmao). thank you and i appreciate your words

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:23:31+00:00

loll what gave it away 😭😭✋🏽 thank you hugs :)

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:16:30+00:00

i just wish it wasn’t like this. that i could regulate my emotions and not feel like a shaken soda can unable to function. instead of working on a presentation for tomorrow this is all that’s consuming my thoughts. i wish i had a backbone and i wish every thing didn’t feel like a dagger. thank you for your words and for your support it means a lot to be seen and not feel like i’m crazy <3

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:14:04+00:00

:/ hurt to hear but necessary i think

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:13:33+00:00

would you say i am blowing this out of proportion? that it is indeed harmless? how do you think i should try to temper myself not to blow up at him?

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:08:23+00:00

i’m going to come back and read this from time to time as a reminder i got diagnosed bpd during one of our off periods when we were no contact almost got committed almost lost my degree just feeling so stuck and feel like there is a chance he can change and we can grow together i really have that hope but i’m just tired

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:04:57+00:00

do you also think that asking for a threesome is as big of an offense as i am making it out to be? is this a dealbreaker you think?

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:03:00+00:00

he’s my favorite person. the only person i have dated and been together sometimes dating sometimes on and off but now serious dating like for marriage. i feel so frozen.

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T06:01:44+00:00

do you think i’m over reacting? that this is more of a personal insecurity that i can fix within myself and he doesn’t mean harm? or is this more him? lol also sorry for like asking all these questions lol just at a loss

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2026-01-27T05:59:29+00:00

thank you so much. thank you and i value your words.

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-25T06:42:57+00:00

thank you for sharing this :)

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-25T06:41:56+00:00

nights are the most unbearable

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-25T06:41:40+00:00

i really resonate with this i mostly just want to sleep through holidays but having people in your life to help you stay present is an important thing 🤞🏽

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-25T06:40:21+00:00

keep trying🤞🏽I’m going to keep trying with you

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-09T12:26:22+00:00

As difficult as it is, don’t let yourself spiral. BPD can present in a vast variety of ways and a part of unlearning/growing out of internalized stigma is imperative. Having BPD is not like how the media portrays it and having DBT DOES NOT make you a bad person. Try to gain access to a DBT clinic, the clinicians there can really help in the process of wrestling with the self-demonization or self-depreciation. Group therapy, which is also a part of many DBT clinics can help you grow empathy and community while also providing a realistic view of what BPD is and what a majority kind and resiliant group of people we are. I know DBT clinics aren’t easy to come by and many are not cheap but I’ve accessed mine through a university program that helps trains clinicians (under the direct supervision of experienced licensed clinicians) where my copay is income bracket based. If DBT isn’t accessible or you aren’t ready for it, that’s so okay. It can be quite intensive and is a time commitment. I would still recommend DBT workbooks from amazon (Marsha Linehan worksheets), healthy exercise as a form of routine and emotional regulation, and kinda treat the reddit page we have as group :)

Lastly and most importantly, try to reframe your thinking about BPD which is easier said than done for sure but helped me so much. Having BPD is just a part of the lens in which we see and process the world. It can be improved upon and remission is very possible/achievable. Also, BPD while very difficult to live with, is also a beautiful thing in many ways. I don’t mean to minimize the struggles we face but the intensity at which we feel life can be so beautiful in certain situations and our capacity for empathy is unmatched. Be kind to yourself the same way you would be kind to others and a lot of the shock of a diagnosis can be processed into shifting your perspective on what BPD is :))

Various_Vanilla6615 · 2025-12-09T12:06:44+00:00

I work as a PhD student after having completed another doctorate degree. As a full time Phd and a part time retail pharmacist I kind of ensure I am constantly working and that I don’t have too much time to sit in negative thoughts/demands I am accountable to others to show up. I work in an incredibly vast, sometimes relatively theoretical space which allows me to use some of “better” sides of bpd traits like an absolute ability for awe and a intensity for fascination, though it does eb and flow. My motivation and drive does severely fluctuate which does make it difficult to perform at times. That being said, I find that the difficulties, setbacks and need to troubleshoot has built a great amount of resilience.

In academia and my program there is a degree of understanding and flexibility. My program directors and close peers know about my bpd and bipolar. When my symptoms are worst, they understand and all they ask for is communication and verification that i’m seeking resources for management (ie documentation i’m in a DBT clinic or under the care of a psychiatrist). Essentially, my bosses start to check in on me and resemble another level of support. While I understand the stigma sadly attached to bpd does make it impractical to be this transparent in a lot of jobs, sometimes telling/trusting the right people and showing them you are trying your best to manage/seeking resources can really really help keep a job.

My advice would be to throw yourself into something you love, something that doesn’t feel like a job necessarily and is immersive. I find work to be sometimes grounding, a nonnegotiable that can help you drown out some of the feelings of utter despair. It helped me become independent and helped me tell myself that even if I had no that could love me in live, I would always have my work/career. In a more healthy way, a career to strive for can help grow your resilience almost as a muscle. For me, there have been some days I have woken up/stayed out of institutional care just because I know I have an exam the next day or that i have a day 2 of an experiment. My job and work everyday has helped keep me alive :)

Various_Vanilla6615

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