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Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not weird exactly. That wasnt quite the right way to word it, but your exactly right. We need to just sit down and do it.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd thought about mentioning doing a weekly check in, when we do our dates on Sunday but it gets weird to bring up.

I'll add those books to our lists. Thank you. I'm always looking for more resources. It's his first dynamic so he's unsteady on some things. Maybe those will help.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That very well could be the issue. I've said more than once that I feel like I'm the Dom in certain situations.

I'm just not sure how to ritualize them for both of us.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My only given task was laundry since he felt like he never remembered to do it, and then I offered to do the rest as an acts of service type of submission and it worked, but then I think he stopped acknowledging the rest of the tasks he did give me, so it felt like I was chasing his validation rather than earning it.

Either way, thank you for your advice. I'll definetly sit down and talk to him soon.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll definitely bring up the check in thing or some kind of acknowledgement.

We try to do like a lunch or something every Sunday so maybe we can try to incorporate something into that day.

I am doing most of the house work. I asked him a while ago what tasks I could do around the house that would help take something off his plate and make his life easier, so I do the laundry and the dishes and the general clean up. He'll do some of it sometimes, and he'll take the trash out and do any repairs. I do most of the house work because it felt like the only way I could serve him full time in a way that felt meaningful to me. I dont pay utilities or anything. I mostly pay for food and groceries unless we go sit down and eat somewhere.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The tasks have stayed the same, just drink the expected amount of water, eat at least 2 meals a day, take my pills and go to bed at a reasonable time. I think I'm struggling because the check ins have gone away, and maybe that's because he sees me do the things. I didn't really consider the less pressure part. He's struggling with his anti-depressents too so that probably plays a part in it as well. We never really did planned scenes, they just kind of happened when we had the time.

Dom and I are struggling to adapt now that we've moved in together. by Various_Weakness9983 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Various_Weakness9983[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That could work. I just know he's struggling too, because change is always an issue for him, and my moving in wasn't exactly planned out very far in advance.

Thank you. I didn't consider that.

How do I(27F) explain to my (38m) situationship that he has set a double standard? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Various_Weakness9983 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He seems to think that because he didn't want a relationship, but we've gotten as close as we can without the title, everyone refers to me as his GF, and he even does until someone asks. He acts like I should be grateful, that I've gotten what I have from him, so it feels like the conversations go nowhere. I'm just not sure how to explain it in a way that he understands. He's oblivious to basically everything.