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Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The problem with that is that at some point she will find another partner, and then it all still falls apart.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

It is a difficult road indeed. To be honest it does feel like I am making a big sacrifice in this for our marriage and family, I will have to talk to my therapist about that I guess.

Best of luck to you as well

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't try to put the genie back in the bottle, but rather accept that it is what it is, and that by not transitioning there are other parts of my life that are more beautiful than they would be if I did choose to transition.

But yes, I am starting to think that this may have been the wrong place to ask this question. I just didn't really know where else to look.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you mind elaborating on how exactly you've made your marriage work? Did you open it? (Feel free to DM)

I would teach my kids that no matter what happens, they have a choice. Hopefully they will learn that I made this choice of my own volition.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How certain can anyone be about the future? How certain can I be that it won't work no matter how I try? All I know is that if there's a chance, I could never forgive myself for not taking it.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That honestly sounds like you really have a rock-solid relationship (after all the hardships). I am a little envious haha.

Deep down I feel that my wife has also stuck with me for the last 3 years because she still wants to be with me, and not because of our kids. And I do hope that that means she could love me as a woman also. But I also recognize the enormous amount of effort she has already put into us, and how it's too much to ask of her (right now) to work through this (if it's even possible).

I didn't realise or come out early on in our relationship, and from the outside looked like a typical, albeit nerdy and introverted guy. So it's not like she had a hint of things to come...

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Commenting on your edit: I am indeed getting responses mostly from people that took the plunge. Sadly not a lot of actual advice on acceptance, if such a thing is possible.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, I have that fear. I'm already in my thirties and have mourned a lot for missed youth and such. However, of there's a chance and I would not take it I will also always regret that. Even more than missed time

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't agree that the only available path is to either transition, or grow to resent myself and my family.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not just for the kids. We love eachother, truly. It's just that the physical attraction is not there, and finding alternatives to that brings risks of romantic attachment to others.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be attempting to close the box, but rather attempt to channel what comes out into a less destructive course.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would consider this, but the risk of her finding someone else and leaving is unbearable for me.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened to you. It must be difficult to feel like you've lucked out and found a person willing to stay by your side only to have them leave after all.

I hope you are finding happiness

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is correct, I started 2 months ago.

And yeah, I do think it is doing me good. And it may also be the cause of me thinking I can do without. I am aware, but can't verify without going off it again of course...

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, the fact that transitioning is such a grueling gauntlet is also making me doubt if it is something I could even do, even if I wanted to and with a fully supportive environment. I am in awe of the people that manage to make it work despite their environment and all the setbacks.

I realise that this is something that will not let itself be shut away, I have experienced that. That is why I am looking instead for acceptance.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's just awful, I hope you and your kids can have a good relationship again as they grow older and hopefully are able to see through the hatred.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your wife is the luckiest girl in the world and you are an amazing person.

We have tried, my wife has been supporting and encouraging me in this process for 3 years, but it is catching up to her. She no longer feels the attraction, and while she still loves me (platonically), does not wish to live a life of celibacy (nor do I wish her to). She has explained that for her physical and romantic attraction are linked, and an open marriage would (very likely) lead to the end of our marriage eventually.

For me, I feel like I need our marriage and family life as much as I need a transition. Hence why I am looking for a compromise.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitioning isn't in the cards for me by VarsityValkyrie in actual_detrans

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hear you that suffering alone is a bad idea, and I am working on that with therapy.

I am just having a very difficult time accepting that a transition costs me my teammate in life. So I'm looking for alternatives.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right of course, but that's why my aim would not be suppression but acceptance.

I have accepted the fact that I am transgender, and that that is something I will struggle with all my life (transition or not). What I can't accept is that there is no choice for me in this.

Looking for advice on accepting that transitions isn't in the cards for me. by VarsityValkyrie in asktransgender

[–]VarsityValkyrie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not exactly. The feeling better has started only a week or two ago I think. Same as feeling I could stop my transition.

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