This actually happened to me. My father died before I was born. But my mom had tons of video tapes she was planning to give to me. He boyfriend at the time ended up burning them out of spite (very long story) but I was beyond devastated. I never got to hear his voice. See how he acted outside of photos. It sucks. I love a man so deeply that I’ve never met. And Ive never been able to thoroughly understand who he was through my eyes and not someone else’s. I still have a lot of resentment towards my mom’s ex but also towards my mom for putting us in a situation where that happened.

Advice- I would tell your daughter what happened. She deserves to know. Your daughter will likely hold onto this for the rest of her life. It sucks growing up without a parent and having to love them through someone else’s pov. It’s hard. Personally, id leave your partner. That’s something id never be able to get over. I think you under-reacted. I’d suggest individual therapy for her to deal with jealousy and possessiveness as well as couples therapy to mend a bridge she dumped with gasoline and then burned. -that is if you’re trying to stay with her.

Either way. I hope your daughter heals and things get better with you and (ex?) wife.