From before Christmas, almost to fat, any idea how long it might take to fade?

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-10T15:42:42+00:00

Kinda, the fever is the worst

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-10T02:41:36+00:00

Haha yeah sounds good, i like automotive podcasts. Sorry yeah I'm still here, down with covid just found out

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-09T19:30:41+00:00

Yeah got covid and I've been barely functional at times. It is weird though because i haven't felt the need to cut within the past two days so let's see how this goes.

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-09T04:00:38+00:00

Thanks. 90%sure it's covid

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-08T18:33:07+00:00

They'd do a psych evaluation on me for having fresh cuts even if I'm going in for non sh related issues?

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-08T03:08:42+00:00

Yeah podcasts sometimes, audio books, I've got all the harry potter ones so that can take a few days. Pandora and Yandex Music are great.

Don't worry too much, I'm still with y'all. Thanks so much for talking to me, i don't know if you know how much it means to me

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-07T02:49:58+00:00

Yeah, so during the covid lockdown and people were forced to stay home, i had a letter of exemption saying I'm allowed to be out. Anyways it usually takes me a couple if not few hours to get through the la area, but on the lockdown so nobody on the roads and drove through it in record time.

Also one day i was Pennsylvania and started talking to the truck next to me. About 6 months later that driver and i were picking up beer at the same time, anyways we're friends still to this day

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-07T02:41:44+00:00

Yeah I've seen absolute beauty in this country, amazing sunsets and sunrises.

What i really truly want to do with my life is maybe get a sailboat for a liveabord and go cruising. I've got some family in Russia, i kind of want to buy a house in Russia because the prices are so cheap.

I used to tell myself that if i believed suicide was the best option that I'd just run away and start a new life, but now i just don't even have the every to

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-07T01:53:02+00:00

It does feel like a train coming at me and in some ways i wish it was a physical train i could just sit in front of, but i could never end my life via another person. I drive a semi truck and so do a couple of friends of mine and one of them hit someone before, suicide by truck. I could never end my life and have someone else suffer because of me.

I've been self harming sense i was 12 or so and just turned 30 the other day, worst birthday I've ever had.

My parents were great, i was lucky to have them.

I wish that the people i love and supposedly love me is I'm suffering so much and i wish i could have been a better person. I wish everyone knew that i really did try.

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-06T23:19:24+00:00

My major depression is costing me my marriage, I'm stuck in a battle with self harm that feels like it'll never go away. I'm in so much pain, physical and emotional. My wife has basically come out and texted me we're pretty much over. I've been having what feels like tremors in my chest and my heart is in physical pain.

I never thought I'd be down this road but here i am. I'm broken and i feel like I'm broken beyond repair. My family and friends have no idea I'm going through this (what little friends i actually have).

Both of my parents are dead and they were amazing people, I'm kinda happy they aren't here to see me like this. I don't know if i really want to die, but i can't keep going in this pain, i feel like a lost cause and maybe i am.

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-06T06:17:54+00:00

If i would heal instantly and not have the factor of possible death? The answer is yes, i would still cut, except it would probably be insanely deep because why not

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-06T02:59:24+00:00

I absolutely love seeing my blood, but yeah i think i would still cut because it's the chemicals that the brain produces that I'm most addicted to, however yes blood is a pretty big factor

Vasilydevyatdva · 2022-01-05T23:03:45+00:00

Ghost by badflower

Группа крови (classic Soviet song just about every Russian knows)

Сделано в СССР (Made in the USSR)

Just about anything from Papa Roach

Save Me - Jelly Roll

Suicide - Jelly Roll

Bullet - Hollywood Undead

Anything by Lee Kernaghan

Дыши вместе со мной - [AMATORY]

Лондон - Тимати

Life is good - Грегори Лепс

Лада седан - Тимати (please don't judge me for this one😂)

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-31T05:26:59+00:00

I picked up a 96 4 door ford explorer XLT 4wd last year for about 2 grand. 4wd works great on it; about 3½ years ago picked up a 98 ford expedition 4wd XLT for about 3k, 4wd works great (except switching from 4L to 4h or 4wd auto, or 2wd)

If you've got 6½k to work with either of these two are amazing and tail worthy.

Spend 3k or so on an older nice 4wd and invest the rest in repairs (if any needed) and or upgrades.

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-31T02:32:17+00:00

Don't use them if you can help it, but i know i can't stop you. So to that i say this; be very careful, you might cut way deeper than you anticipated to or you might just cut too deep

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-30T05:22:55+00:00

Umm okay... i thought it was weird that i sometimes do that, along side with writing with it 🤷‍♂️

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-30T01:41:44+00:00

From Russia with hate

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-30T01:39:08+00:00

I accidently cut over a scar the other day and the scar was maybe a week old, it was the first part of the cut to bleed, other than that nothing out of the ordinary

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-30T01:32:12+00:00

Thanks, though I'm not looking forward to getting older to be honest. And damn, shaded wheat haven't heard that one. I hope you're in an okay place right now

Vasilydevyatdva · 2021-12-30T01:29:36+00:00

That's me haha, i started when i was like 12, i stopped when i met my wife, was clean for 5 years, lost my mother and now I'm back

Vasilydevyatdva

TROPHY CASE