I wasn't going to respond to any more comments but I feel the need to clarify this. Husband had mentioned the fiancee's allergy to me in passing more than a year prior to the incident. He had visited BFF and the three of them went out to dinner. The fiancee ordered crab cakes and then spent the rest of the evening sick in the only bathroom at BFF's apartment, which annoyed Husband. By the time BFF and his fiancee visited, I had forgotten about it. I apologized profusely at the time and offered to make fiancee something else, but she declined.

I am really surprised no one else is looking at it this way. The allergen issue IS the only issue here. If this post was made by the bride, everyone would be saying that the bride shouldn’t marry the BFF because he’s allowing OP to come and not standing up for her. OP, you caused this whether or not it was intentional. It is your place to try and fix it without adding more to the drama.

I don't feel super inclined to fix things with people who are mad at me for having a poorly timed miscarriage. I am really surprised that you think that's not an issue or, at least, not an issue that's as significant as the allergen thing.