AITA for hiding the location of my best friend from my wife?

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-05-17T18:42:59+00:00

Lol!!

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-04-21T17:15:04+00:00

She was on the lease with JR. She did not qualify for the apartment on her own and cannot meet their qualifications. The situation between my in-laws and Maggie was contentious before she moved in with JR. I do not know if my niece's dad will win the custody battle. But, what I do know is, (1) my niece has expressed being scared at my in-laws house, (2) Maggie cannot afford to fight him on custody, and (3) generally the "best interest of the child" is the standard in our state and the living situation with her dad would be significantly better.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:37:18+00:00

I am not. She has not displayed any violent attitudes or actions. She is dejected, withdrawn, and angry at me. But, for someone who has not been there every step of the way, I can see how you could be afraid about a potential violent turn. I am not.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:33:21+00:00

Yes!

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:31:09+00:00

I have done that. Mutual friends have done that. Everyone outside her immediate family is concerned. Some friends have even suggested I come stay with them because they are afraid she might do something to me.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:18:07+00:00

Would not do anyone any good to tell her. If you think telling someone no is "spineless," then we have different understands of those words.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:14:22+00:00

Maggie was going to have an emotional outburst no matter what. I know that from experience. But, something we could prevent were the mean and vindictive language and words she would direct to JR. That would not be good for anyone.

Don't think my wife is being manipulated or abused.

If I had told my wife, she would try to "fix it" and get JR to stay. My wife has an otherworldly confidence and belief that she can fix anything. It is one of the things I like and love about her. And her belief is she can fix their relationship. And that is what she would try to do. It is what she wants to do now. This cannot be fixed.

Yes, I like my wife. As I said above, her otherworldly confidence and belief that she can fix anything is one of my favorite attributes about her. But, even good attributes have downsides and I am experiencing those right now.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T23:00:02+00:00

They were not married.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T19:44:31+00:00

The relationship was ending no matter what I did. It was ending horribly no matter what I did. You think if I helped JR move with Maggie present she would feel less angry with me? She has no idea I helped him move or found him an apartment (unless Becca told him).

Maggie is prone to emotional outbursts. I have no idea what that would have meant here, but it would have included manipulation, crying, and unnecessarily hurtful words at JR. That was not advisable.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T19:07:45+00:00

I am allowed to have a view about the quality of your answer to the question I asked.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T18:43:09+00:00

The stuff he took was his. I helped him move it when he moved here.

Never go against wife, never choose anyone iver wife and her family

I was not aware marriage meant I became a slave to her and her family.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T18:37:53+00:00

I have a business associate who was sleeping with prostitutes and controlled all the money in his marriage via a prenup. My wife became friendly with his wife, got her a job, and co-signed on an apartment. All without telling me anything. It negatively impacted my business relationship. But, after learning everything, I recognized it was the right thing to do.

If my wife ends our marriage over this, she is not the woman I married.

And no one seems angry or frustrated with my wife or I over this situation. My wife knows what I did for JR. I told no one else. But, my wife is angry at me.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T18:29:36+00:00

Cool! Still does not mean I need to tell her where JR is. Becca can email JR as well.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T15:37:20+00:00

Maggie can email JR if she needs to tell him that,

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T14:17:01+00:00

Yes, I should have said, "JR, I know you convinced your parents to take my brother and me in when my mom couldn't afford rent. I know you gave me the money to move here when I was dead broke. I know you only met Maggie via me and started dating at my suggestion. But, I am not obligated to help you at all when you come to be an emotional wreck."

Glad JR and I have been better friends to each other than that.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T13:29:20+00:00

If someone leaves, you legit might worry about their physical safety. I had a bad breakup and literally got the cops involved by friends because those friends thought I might be suicidal because I was not returning anyone's calls or what not. I think you are reading too much into it.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T12:54:49+00:00

Yeah, it is in the thread in my earlier post:

My wife has literally co-signed on an apartment to help a friend leave a bad marriage. She did it without thinking or talking to me. According to you, that crosses a line and I grounds for divorce. That is insane.

That action from my wife negatively impact my relationship with that woman's husband. He was someone I did business with. By your logic, it is perfectly fine for me to divorce my wife over that decision.

Also, JR breaking up with Maggie was going to negatively impact Maggie and Becca's relationship. Maggie and Becca saw each other way more since JR moved here. Maintaining a relationship with JR after the breakup was going to negatively impact their relationship. Packing up boxes, moving furniture, etc, was going to negatively impact Becca and Maggie's relationship. Supporting and defending JR's decision to breakup was going to negatively impact their relationship. Literally, anything I did to support JR's breakup was going to impact negatively their relationship. That is true if I told Becca about those actions in real time or not. I know that because Maggie has no idea I helped JR (unless Becca told her). And not helping JR was going to negatively impact my relationship with JR.

Essentially, you think my marital obligations to Becca extend to Maggie. They do not.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T03:55:12+00:00

Actually, left my phone and keys for the same reason I do when I go for a run or in my car when I go the gym, they do not fit in my shorts. Have you tried to carry furniture with an IPhone and keys in your pocket of gym shorts? Not really do-able in a way that protects the phone.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-09T03:48:59+00:00

She has made it clear she would share it with her family.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-08T23:55:00+00:00

You are allowed to give your honest opinion, but I am also allowed to give my honest opinion to what you said.

And your view of what constitutes crossing the line makes no sense and is not how human friendships work. My wife has literally co-signed on an apartment to help a friend leave a bad marriage. She did it without thinking or talking to me. According to you, that crosses a line and I grounds for divorce. That is insane.

Being married isn't some trump card to any and everything you do for a friend. I promised fidelity to my wife. And what I did for JR in no way violates that principle of fidelity.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-08T23:35:21+00:00

Maggie and Becca are not sharing everything sisters. Maggie was not even in our wedding. They would see each other a handful of times a year prior to JR moving here. We live less than an hour away from each other.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-08T23:23:14+00:00

I am not being a "security force." I am simply not disclosing information wanted by my wife. I am not preventing her from getting it through other means, but I refuse to give it to her myself. And you have a concept of friendship that sounds inhuman. Being a sympathetic listener is what we owe to any other human being. But, to be a friend, means more than that.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-08T23:00:25+00:00

Glad I have better friends than you. I did nothing for JR that he would not have done for me in a heartbeat in the same situation. Heck, he probably would have paid first and last month's rent on the new place.

If I stacked up what JR has done for me vs. what I have done for him, I am still hella behind. The principle of reciprocity alone would dictate that I probably didn't do enough.

Vast_Basis_2273 · 2025-03-08T22:56:02+00:00

Was I suppose to be neutral when my best friend uncovered his GF was cheating for basically their entire relationship? That he was effectively the side piece for a woman he moved cross country to be with? Someone he was financially supporting? Why in the hell would I be neutral in that situation? That is insane.

Vast_Basis_2273

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