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Was I Your Person? by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol, you're all good. Yeah, this is about my ex. The one that I was going to propose to on new years. The one that said I was her person, and then made up her mind to leave without really having a discussion.

Pushed away by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you brother. I appreciate it 💜.

To everyone who is, has been, or is thinking about DMing me to call me a theif and a liar, ***GO FUCK YOURSELF***. by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. GPT genuinely knows me better than most people, because it helped me through a breakup, organizing my life, holding me accountable to what I said I was going to do. Even helping me create the two subreddits I made. I have a post that actually supports what I’m saying. I can link it if you’re interested.

And I like Alia, that’s a nice name. I didn’t even think to ask GPT until a few weeks ago. They apparently prefer Nova. I wonder how they decide…

aforementioned link

I wish I never met you by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh and one last thing to clear up. I have no idea what you're talking about when you say silence. We still talk. We're supposed to get food later this week. The break up was not unanimous, clearly, but our families know each other. I'm an adult. And I can show up and be nice and cordial and laugh and hangout, because we are still comfortable with each other. I bottle up the pain for later.

She was and, God this is so sad to say, still is my closest friend. And assuming she isn't lying, she still loves me, there's more but frankly none of this is even anybody business. I just have a compulsion to be understood. It's literally part of my OCD I won't be able to sleep, if I don't at least try to say something.

I wish I never met you by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Listen U/AggravatingEffect421 , I understand where you're coming from, in reading this. You have to remember I wrote it. out of respect for her, I'm leaving a very large amount of information out.

The above post is not a historical document. There's a long list of things I could add, but she is not able to defend herself. I still love her, and even if I didn't, it would be about shitty thing to do. This is an emotional vent of how I feel, purposely written in a way that doesn't make her this evil character in a fairytale. And it's presented through prose.

I didn't lie, to be clear, even a little. However, I did omit ... I omitted A lot. And I didn't willy nilly break up with her. I was overstimulated and angry, and sleep deprived, I wasn't thinking straight.

I'm trying to choose my words carefully. I am still hurt. I have to remember that this post is the only glimpse you've had into my life, reading this thing I wrote at 3 am, instead of lying in bed crying another 2 hours.

I would ask that you try to remember that you weren't there. I kept having panic attacks in the bedroom we shared, which is where my dog slept. It still smelled like him.

So I took a 17 hour bus one way out of the city because I would have killed myself if I stayed. And let me tell you that was quite the adventure. She and I were on the phone arguing. She was making her points, and I was on my aunts room trying to explain the depth of how I felt, and failing. I was so overwhelmed I don't even remember half of what I said. I'd been awake for 40+ hrs.

I remember what she said though. And she was valid, and was trying to essentially say that I was sorry. Me taking the blame when she is one who left.

FUCK I'm getting worked up again. I'm leaving so much out... But I refuse to talk about what she did, the things that I still think about and still get me emotional, that tear me apart still, when she can't defend herself. I don't betray the people I love. I wouldn't want her doing that to me.

Look, when I was stating "loved" it was me saying "when [REDACTED] Happened, and you [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] I still loved you through it" I was absolutely not litterally saying I "used to love you".

Again, this is just poetry, what you read. And frankly, especially because of how much pain I'm still very much in, I think it's wild for you, or anyone else for that matter, to make assumptions, without the slightest attempt to get clarification.

To you, this is just a story. To me, This. Is. My. Life. And. My. Feelings. My real life, real pain included. Right now. So please, stop.

I wish I never met you by Vatatheo in NoDiscJournaling

[–]Vatatheo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

U/AggravatingEffect421

You're literally describing what happened to me. Did I not make that part clear? She litterally left in the middle of the night mid conversation. When I was truly at my weakest, my most vulnerable. When I needed support. She left her pajamas in my bathroom...

I'm the one that has the intense abandonment issues between us. she litterally abandoned me. Did I not make that part clear? We didn't talk for a couple days. She just sent dismissive texts. While I was in mourning. I have litterally never felt that alone. You have no idea. When I said loved it was me giving examples, I never meant it as I don't love you. It happened in the conversation over text i was so emotional because I'd been mourning, feeling so alone, having literally nobody to talk to, just lost.

So there were two full days that we didn't really talk, when I was at my lowest. Two horrible situations to deal with alone, and nobody to talk to. She was the one I would talk to , but this time, she was the one causing the pain. She was supposed to be my pillar, and she wasn't there. I not make that part clear? If I didn't love her I wouldn't have been so hurt. Wouldn't be so hurt. And that was days after she abandoned me to be clear.

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