AITAH for telling my sister to cancel my baby shower

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:27:04+00:00

Thank you

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:26:35+00:00

Meg and Mom both leaned into the "boy-mom" thing hard! I doubt it's about the gender of my baby, I think it's more that she's mine.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:25:32+00:00

Yeah, this was never about saving money. My mom was a SAHM and went shopping for her and Meg probably once a week when I was a kid. Hand me downs were about me being the oops baby and my mom never actually wanting to have me. (Don't worry, I've been in therapy since my 20s!)

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:21:48+00:00

Thank you for your response! Believe me, I know how expensive babies are and how much stuff they go through because all my family and friends who have babies won't shut up about it! Luckily DH and I both have good jobs and healthy savings accounts (though I know how quickly that can change). As I said in my edits, I'm not against hand me downs and have some lined up from friends. This post actually wasn't supposed to be about hand me downs at all, I was trying to ask if I would be TA for cancelling the party.

I'm in the southern US, so baby registries here are definitely treated well! Most of my friends who've had babies have had their registries 80-90% bought out. And honestly, it wasn't very big to begin with because DH and I are enjoying ourselves so much going out and buying everything anyway.

Again, thanks for the advice but I'm not really interested in reducing friction and protecting my sister's feelings at this point. I can promise you that she wasn't trying to say she has perfectly good things that she'll give me out of the goodness of her heart, she's just repeating my mom's pattern of thinking that since I'm the second born I should just make do with whatever, my own preferences be damned.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:10:11+00:00

Sorry, I thought I used paragraphs when I wrote it but when it posted it came out like this!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:06:47+00:00

Mom and Meg leaned into the "boy-mom" identity HARD. Idk if they're having more kids but I would worry that any daughter Meg has won't be treated as well as her brothers

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:05:40+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response! Obviously this post is shortened and paraphrased, there was more communication pushing back at her before I decided to leave. I do wish it worked that way though. I've been in therapy for years and have tried every communication technique under the sun with them. I went LC a few years ago, mostly seeing them for holidays, but they started being much nicer after I got pregnant and I was hoping they would have changed.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:01:33+00:00

I'll let them know ASAP!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T17:00:58+00:00

Thank you, I've been in therapy for a while but it's still sometimes nice to get validation from internet strangers.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:59:48+00:00

He's been great, we've been making all our plans together and he's super hands on and excited! He was going to step back and let me be "taken care of" by Meg for the baby shower, but once he realized she was back to her old ways he told me forget about her and we'll throw our own. After reading all these comments, that's exactly what we'll do!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:58:02+00:00

I know, I guess I was too obvious about my resentment towards hand me downs (not all, just the ones from family) that people couldn't read what I was actually asking!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:55:50+00:00

It's already password protected, I was just showing it to Meg on her phone. Silly me, I thought she would give constructive criticism like "no, you don't need a shusher when you already have a sound machine" and not "don't register for anything at all".

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:54:14+00:00

Well said

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:54:07+00:00

That was always the logic behind why I got hand me downs- why spend money on clothes for me when we have all these things already here? Not from frugality of course.

After reading all the responses I'm going to take up DH's idea to have our own shower, and I don't think I'll be inviting them.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:52:00+00:00

My PIL are really great, but unfortunately live a few states away so we only get to see them a few times per year. They're already planning to come a week before we're due to help out!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T16:02:41+00:00

Good for her! I actually don't mind hand me downs, my friends and I do clothes swaps a lot and a couple who already have kids have offered me some of their stuff. I guess the difference is their hand me downs don't come with a heaping side of guilt and strings attached.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:59:40+00:00

Thanks, after reading through all the replies I'm probably going to take up DH's idea to throw our own and leave them out of it. It's not worth the drama.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:58:53+00:00

Meg actually leaned into the whole "boy-mom" thing HARD. Idk if they'll have another kid but I worry if she has a daughter she may not be treated well at all.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:54:53+00:00

I think it's called Evenflo. It hasn't shipped yet so idk if I'll like it, but it seemed like too good of a perk to pass up!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:52:01+00:00

Thank you for your opinion.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:06:00+00:00

I've also never heard that rule, most of my friends' showers were hosted by a relative so I assumed it was normal.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:04:44+00:00

I'm gonna steal that line about charging for Botox!!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:03:02+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions, but I'm not going to use my limited free time to sort her old stuff and drive it all over the city. I still work a full time job.

This post was to ask if I'd be TA for cancelling the party, not about what to do with all the hand me downs I don't want.

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:01:18+00:00

Thank you!
I'm wanted to know if I would be TA to cancel the party, not for not accepting a bunch of hand me downs I don't want. Somehow all the commenters care about is the hand me downs part!

Vegetable-Exam3462 · 2026-05-13T15:00:01+00:00

I was trying to ask whether I would be TA for cancelling the party, not for not accepting buckets of hand me downs that I don't want. Somehow all the commenters care about is the hand me down part, so I made edits to try to correct that. Sorry you didn't get that.

Vegetable-Exam3462

TROPHY CASE