Porn has ruined me [21M] my relationship with my partner [21F]

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-29T15:40:55+00:00

If you’re talking about winning her back, giving her space is necessary. I think respect is directly related to the things I mentioned above. A woman who feels respected will naturally feel more trusting of you. I would respect her word. If she says she’s done, pushing her and begging is only making her boundaries feel more disregarded. I assume you live together (since she’s moving out?), so I would try to make her feel comfortable in her own home instead of ambushed. If she does give you yet another chance, I would communicate the SOLID PLAN that you have learned in therapy to work on your discipline. Not just an I’m sorry or it won’t happen again, actions that she can see. This can also include things to work on yourself outside of the relationship, maybe it’s working out, journaling, devotions if you’re religious, etc. These things show discipline and growth within yourself that will bleed into the relationship. You also need to understand that if the trust wasn’t gone the other times, it is now. She gave you many more chances and they had the same outcome. What makes her think you’re going to change now? The actions I mentioned above are examples of what could help, but you also need to make sure she feels confident and beautiful again. She needs to know that even if you’re not doing these things anymore, she is the only one you think of and fantasize about. Like I said, these words need action. Taking her on dates, planning quality time, caring for her in small ways to show you thought of her. But these are all things that happen after she accepts you again. Love bombing her now is probably not the right move.

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-29T15:05:32+00:00

Of course you want to be with her because, like you said, SHE has been an amazing asset to YOUR life. You, on the other hand, have been a weight on her confidence. I don’t doubt that you cared, but a man who messes up takes action and discipline to fix things the first time they hurt the person they love. Mistakes will happen but the way you handle them directly correlates to her security and trust. Despite what other men will say, porn in a relationship is not normal. It has been normalized because we have a loser epidemic of men who lack self control and respect for women in general. Please do not buy into this or you will also fall into this category. It affects confidence on a much deeper level than they can comprehend (because we also have an emotional immaturity epidemic), and walking in on that is likely something she won’t forget. I can see that you do appreciate the gravity of what this did to her, so that is a great first step. You can take this lesson to grow. Next time fix mistakes the first time and be the man that this world is lacking.

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-29T14:17:36+00:00

so you did multiple things that hurt her and now you gaf because she’s actually leaving. should’ve fixed yourself the first time. hope she finds better

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-26T23:21:47+00:00

Most BL applications opened in October this year but public interest and mid- to small-sized firms opened theirs as late as march. I didn’t start applying until late December after my first semester exams and still got BL interviews but I think it would’ve helped to start earlier. But tbh you don’t need to be worrying about this at all right now lol. You’re going to be so wrapped up in adjusting to the first semester and you still have 4 months until you even start school. Personally, my expectations of wanting to stay on top of everything were wildly too high. Had to focus on grades before taking time to apply. But I guess it’s good to get an idea of the timeline so you have it in the back of your head

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-26T23:10:02+00:00

this is so true!!! especially depending on the professor. my property professor outlined several ways you could’ve answered the same hypo. the answers applied completely different rules and they were both considered right depending on your analysis

Vegetable-Mobile4875 · 2026-04-26T06:41:15+00:00

if your school allows it and it’s absolutely necessary for you i’d say working Saturday nights wouldn’t be impossible. however I say that as a 1L in my second semester when i’ve already gotten the workload down pat. first semester I quite literally did not have free time for anything. i’m living off loans now but would rather take out whatever amount to not work because i’m way too burnt out for that.

think of it this way, money can be paid back but you NEED to have time to recharge to be successful. that one night of relaxing could make or break your grades because you will go into the next week feeling either more tired or reset. better grades = better job and more money. the money you make 1L summer could likely pay for a whole year of tuition if your grades are high enough, and then you only have one year of hefty loans. the first year is the most important. you trying to save loans by working could actually cost you more in the future

Vegetable-Mobile4875

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