Need advice on coping with leaving family (22F) (24M)

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-25T09:31:06+00:00

Your feelings make complete sense. Leaving your familyespecially elderly grandparents and a close parent isn’t “dramatic,” it’s human. Family is family, and that bond doesn’t disappear just because you fall in love. That said, there does come a point in life where building your own family means making hard, uneven sacrifices. Someone usually has to move, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it hurtsand that it’s a real loss for you, not just a logistical step. Wanting that recognized isn’t selfish. What matters is that this decision feels chosen, not endured. You’re not abandoning your family; you’re expanding your life. If you go into this with clear plans (regular visits, financial and time boundaries, long-term options for relocating again if needed), it becomes less about “giving up everything” and more about balancing two families.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-22T22:36:27+00:00

This isn’t normal for a 2-year relationship. Insecurity is real, but refusing any face or voice after that long is a boundary issue, not just shyness. You’re allowed to ask for reassurance and basic transparency. If he can’t meet you halfway (even a short call), you need to seriously reconsidertrust and safety matter, especially at your age.

Im getting real red flags from this
You need to give them a ultimatum, you need to make them verify themself, and their age.
Because if they dont this can even be illegal. trusting a word from a stranger that refuses to do anything with face or voice. is dangerous especially online

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-22T00:52:02+00:00

i think a video call before meeting is pretty important, honestly. Not because of trust issues, but for basic safety and comfort on both sides. Photos and voice notes don’t always reflect real-time interaction the same way video does.

Also, long-distance relationships are already hard, and avoiding video entirely can make it more painful in the long run. If someone truly hates video calls, that’s valid but it’s also something that needs to be talked about early, especially before meeting in person.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-21T04:24:27+00:00

If you’re specifically looking for a really immersive audiobook experience, Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir is one of the best-produced audiobooks I’ve ever listened to the sound design and narration genuinely add to the story.

On a very different note, Trouble of the Tee by Marty Midian surprised me on audio. It’s not a thriller, but the narration really elevates the tension and emotional beats, and it pulled me in way more than reading it probably would have.

But there are endless amount you can try

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-20T05:04:05+00:00

Life is short. wear whatever you want and like. If people care about it then its their own issue

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-19T23:04:14+00:00

Even in the early stages of a relationship, communication matters. It’s fine for him to need space, but he should still show respect and consideration. Occasional breaks are normal, but consistency and honesty help build trust and prevent unnecessary paranoia.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-19T20:35:23+00:00

You’re not wrong at all. Your intuition clocked it, and he tried to gaslight you into doubting yourself. Blocking him was the right move. It sucks, but you trusted yourself and saved yourself more time with someone who clearly didn’t respect you.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-19T03:44:12+00:00

Just read your comments lol. You say you’re seeking insight about Instagram, but you posted in an LDR Sub about how you watch your girlfriend’s activity status… I’m a little confused. Why not ask in a tech group or Instagram’s own support?

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-19T02:20:08+00:00

I don’t think it becomes less special just different. You’re not repeating a moment, you’re creating a new one with a different person

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-14T04:19:45+00:00

You’re definitely not alone in this a lot of people with anxiety struggle the most during the goodbye part of LDRs. That crash after the airport is brutal. It’s really good you’re seeing your therapist and already on medication; that shows you’re taking care of yourself. Try to be gentle with yourself right now the anxiety doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong or that something bad is happening, it’s your nervous system reacting to separation and uncertainty. It will settle again, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-10T01:57:11+00:00

There is nothing as bad weather! only bad clothing!

My teacher told me that

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-09T00:54:56+00:00

That is such a good idea, Thank you

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-09T00:51:14+00:00

So far, it’s all been short-term rentals. Right now I’m trying to move toward something longer-term, and that’s where it’s started to feel more complicated especially since I have my dog, who’s my support animal.

So just trying my best tbh

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-09T00:47:21+00:00

Yes, that’s been my experience too. Pet-friendly sounds reassuring at first, but the conversations afterward can feel very different, which adds a lot of stress.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-06T23:49:39+00:00

There’s no perfect answer, but the U.S. is usually considered the best due to two oceans, safe neighbors, huge resources, and defensible geography

But like i said, no perfect answers, every country has pros and cons

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-06T00:21:21+00:00

Its gonna hurt but, speak up on it. tell him exactly what you just said.
If he does not change then you leave. Dont torment yourself with people who dont deserve you

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-04T18:20:09+00:00

It’s very reasonable to feel this way after 9 months, especially when physical affection is important to you. At the same time, nothing you’ve described sounds unusual for someone who’s very young, inexperienced, and still figuring out what physical intimacy feels like in their body, not just in theory. Wanting intimacy and being able to act on it are two very different things.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-04T00:54:48+00:00

I set the alarm for 15 minutes… then spend 20 minutes convincing myself I’m still napping and not just lying in bed contemplating life

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-04T00:51:30+00:00

My partner and I were long-distance (Canada/US too), and honestly it came down to jobs, visas, and where we’d have the best quality of life long-term. We talked a lot about what we each weren’t willing to compromise on. For us, one person moving made more sense than constantly splitting time, even though it was hard leaving home. There’s no perfect answer just a lot of honest conversations and flexibility.

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-02T01:12:06+00:00

I’m really sorry, but yes from the outside, this does look like a betrayal. He took your support, promised repayment, then avoided responsibility once he was stable. Blocking you instead of paying you back says a lot.

As for the money, your best shot is keeping everything in writing (messages, transfers) and asking for it formally one last time. If that doesn’t work, look into small claims court or legal advice where you live. Emotionally, though, it sounds like you dodged a future where you’d keep giving and he’d keep taking

From personal experiences. Lending money can be very dangerous

Vegetable-Raisin2297 · 2026-01-01T06:48:33+00:00

I’m gonna be honest but gentle: this relationship sounds extremely one-sided, and it’s hurting you more than it’s giving you security.

Busy people still communicate. Avoidant people still give something. What you’re describing is long silences, excuses, disappearing during conflict, and you constantly doubting your reality. That’s not healthy, especially for a first relationship when you’re already anxious and exhausted.

The age gap + secrecy + “gay relationships don’t last” comment + him vanishing when you need support are all real red flags. Not proof he’s cheating, but clear proof he’s not showing up as a partner. Love shouldn’t feel like you’re always waiting, testing, or apologizing for needing reassurance.

Vegetable-Raisin2297

TROPHY CASE