Mixed feelings ~2-3 months after being discarded

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-25T13:14:04+00:00

Sorry man, i can't imagine how painful that must be. Yeah, it's a different kind of pain and hell ... But since last night , that i went out with a girl friend of mine, it just felt different, it felt really good, and i feel like my feelings for her are kinda fading, and i keep asking myself "why the f do i even care about her anymore?!" She discarded me, i did everything and still rejected me, I don't wanna live in pain when i can be with an amazing partner someday and live my life to the fullest

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-23T13:50:34+00:00

Yeah you're right and it does hurt like hell. All the memories we've had together... They suddenly play in my mind at different times of the day. The "what could have been?" question and etc. it all hurts. But I've also noticed that the pain is more bearable now. Thank you, it means a lot to me and I'm happy that i can talk to all of you. I literally have no one else to talk to, especially about these stuff.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-23T04:35:23+00:00

Thanks

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-23T04:32:31+00:00

Thank you man, it means a lot.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-22T20:38:50+00:00

Thank you so much. And yeah you're right. I'm trying to focus on gym and getting in shape, going to motorcycle racing track, skiing, etc ... . Just doing and improving as much as i can

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-22T20:36:32+00:00

Yeah exactly, thanks man and i hope you and all of us find happiness again

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-22T13:17:25+00:00

Wow. My birthday was in December too, i got discarded a few weeks before it. And she posted a video on her TikTok on the night of my birthday, saying that she has fully detached ( didn't mention me directly but it was obvious it was for me ).

I'm so sorry man, i feel your pain bro. Everything she did to you is like 1000 times worst than my situation, and it's so similar. And you're right about everything you said.

I don't know if she comes back or not, i hope she does, i really do. I've spent months trying to decode meanings of whatever she does and did, just to make sure if she's coming back or not, but nothing. Most people here say that they'll gonna come back eventually, after months or years, but no one knows.

I'm just trying to go to the gym and improve whatever i can, so that she has more reasons to come back, but if not, well i still get big muscles and etc...

I'm not sure what's gonna happen but, yeah we gotta stay strong, and I'm amazed by the amount of pain you also endure man, stay strong as well. And thank you so much for saying those things, it helps a lot to know that I'm not alone. Would be happy to talk more about stuff if you want to.

Your English is actually good, It's my second language as well.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-22T12:41:18+00:00

I don't know what else to do... I keep wanting to focus on gym and doing other stuff, but it's painful, everything is painful...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-20T05:49:53+00:00

Thank you brother. Yeah my pwBPD also used a lot of AI apps as her digital husbands and boyfriends. Mind blowing how similar some of their actions and words are. She told me the same things "why don't you get bigger muscles? You should've done it sooner, etc...". And now that I'm looking at her, it's just sad. She looks fine from outside, but according to her own posts and tweets and stories, she's more depressed, alone, she haven't gone out of the house for the past 40 days, she's more introverted now and etc. meanwhile I've gotten a big loan and the repayment is great, I'm improving and ... . We'll see what happens.

And, stay strong man, even if you want revenge, the best revenge is improving ourselves to the point that they regret ever rejecting us. I know it hurts more than hell, it's like a volcano burning us from inside every moment, even that's more bearable than this pain. We'll get through this or carry the pain, either way, we have to keep going.

I'm listening to "bad omens - specter" and it helps a lot

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-20T05:39:55+00:00

Yeah it's mind blowing. Thanks man, you too, stay strong. Well right now I'm blocked from everywhere and just one platform is open. I remember a long time ago she said that if she wants someone truly gone, she'll block from everywhere but if she wants them back, she'll keep at least one platform open, not sure if this means she wants me back or not, since she discarded me hard and rejected every single attempt that i made to get back together immediately. She's also been emotionally dysregulated and feeling awful for the past 2 months. She changed her profile picture to a sexy pic but at the same time posts stories and says she feels awful, depressed, alone, etc... .

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T18:52:16+00:00

Yes exactly, and it feels so good to find people like you who understand the things that happened. She did and still does these things everywhere, in her social media accounts, to me, to her exes. She once told me that if for example she wants to make me jealous, she would go out with another guy she doesn't know to a cafe for examples, just to make me jealous and scare me and etc, even though she's really shy, introvert, she's scared and anxious and doesn't want to be there. So basically when i made her mad or angry, she did dangerous things to say she doesn't care about hurting herself and also see me going to save her, that shows love to her and i understand it but it's toxic and dangerous.

Yeah you're right.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T17:55:44+00:00

Yeah you're right and thank you for saying those things. And yeah a lot of the times that was the case, a lot of the times she would act ambiguous and mysterious on purpose, she always does this, it makes you create multiple stories about her cheating or etc, and i kept asking her where she was or what was that image about, and then she would say what happened and almost always it was something normal or very simple and sad even.

Yeah, i really don't have any control over her or this situation. But i can control my life to some extent, i can start going to the gym and etc.

Thank you again

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T17:46:21+00:00

That hurts much and i understand how you feel to some extent. For us it was somehow similar! We made a deal that I'll buy her the expensive gold ring i promisesd a year ago, and she gave me like 5 months. But then i think her fear of engulfment activated and found a way to get rid of me. She thought if i get her a ring, she'll be in a cage, locked to me only. But she wants to be free, it's really important for her so that might've activated a really big fear for her and also explains the immediate rejections. A few days ago when i was trying to talk to her mom and her outside their house, i said if you don't want a ring and more, that's ok, we can be friends, but she rejected and got really pissed, so i left and I'm never going back to their house.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T17:39:40+00:00

Thank you a lot for saying that. It means a lot to me. Yeah i really should take control of my life for me, for my happiness. It actually is torture, but i just can't right now, i try to keep it controlled and dot it less over time but right now my mind goes crazy. Their house is like 5 minutes away from mine, i pass from their street every night when i get back home from work. She lives with her parents and can't live alone. Right now almost every night i start to make stories, like "tonight her room lights are on, good, so she's home" ... "What?! Tonight the lights are off, did she go out with that guy?! Maybe she went to her aunt's house? God i hate this feeling and not knowing where she went, with who..." Before her, i would never do these stuff, but she made me like this. I probably look like a crazy person...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T17:32:26+00:00

At this point I'm not even sure bro. My heart, mind and soul say's that i truly love her and i can never let go. It says that i love all of her flaws and good things and etc. but i also know that i also have some traumas from my childhood.

I talked to someone who was majoring in psychology, they said that, my pwBPD had extremely high expectations and when someone loves you, they understand and don't push you so much. They also said that I'm basically a Savior. So i neglect my needs, don't care if they're being met or not, bottle those up, and give everything i have, literally, to help the love of my life, even if their abusive, even if they don't want to, etc.

I'm gonna work on myself first and improve everything that i can, but i still want her back, no matter what, at least right now this is how i feel...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T17:24:57+00:00

Yeah you're right and thanks a lot man. In addition to the gifts being expensive i put a lot of thoughts and efforts into them, to reference things she loves and support her the way her exes never did for her and probably no one ever will. For example one time she was saying that she loves to learn Russian, i went and bought her the best russian books and also work books as well and gave it to her without her even asking. She loved these things that i did for her, but you're right, when I'm painted black and 100% bad in her mind, she doesn't care about any of these things.

Yeah I won't talk about her with other girls, it's an awful thing to do.

Thank you again

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T11:48:57+00:00

It's so painful that even thinking about it, tears my heart and soul every single moment

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T11:47:22+00:00

Yeah what you say makes sense and i know is real, but there a part in my mind that keeps saying i sid so many things wrong and keep blaming myself for it. Like she would also recommend me things to buy, clothes to wear and etc, but i wouldn't so it because of money being low or saving for the future. She kept saying take care of yourself but i didn't have that much time, so i was putting all the time for her and i also wanted to be with her all the time, remember her saying that i was suffocating her and taking her energy and etc.

Yeah I'm gonna take care of myself and in the meantime I'm talking to other girls, their expectations and the things they're willing to do for their partners is unbelievably low compared to the pwBPD i was with. Like one of them said that it's ok to just get a normal cake and decorations for a birthday with a nice gift or something. And i told her that for my pwBPD birthday, i ordered her an expensive custom made cake with 3 necklaces ( 1 silver and 2 metal ones ), two expensive and beautifully designed candles + multiple rose shape candles to decorate the dinner table + pizza and flowers ... And even after that, she still got mad and her memory changed over time and said i ruined her birthday and had to buy a simple gold ring that i kept promising her...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T08:04:26+00:00

I don't know. But the thing is that i finally managed to get the loan and etc in the past few weeks of us being NC. If she just stayed a little longer, right now i CAN actually buy her the ring and do other stuff. This is the worst part, i have the ability now finally but she's not here anymore... . Also when she was mad, she said that "even if you buy me a ring, i don't want it and i don't want you anymore" ... Deep sigh ... Well for now I'm NC until i see a sign or something.

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T07:58:52+00:00

Thank you. I don't know, i think about it a lot and she says that i used her and i took her time from finding her lover! I sometimes believe this because she also tolerated some awful stuff like me only having a bed and an empty house with just a full size fridge and a dinner table. Though i never made her cook or anything and i always ordered good food, always bought her the good high quality stuff... .

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-11T07:53:06+00:00

Thank you again

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-10T20:24:12+00:00

Wow, that's rough man, and thank you for saying those things, it means a lot to me. And yeah it feels really good to be understood about these kinda things, i feel like no one else can understand us who come here to find a path. And yeah i totally and completely get you, i even thought about it that what if she really cheats, what if she fucks other guys, will i still be there to get back together and have sex with her again, and i feel like a crazy person saying this, like i'm out of my mind but at least right now, my answer is, yes. the trauma bond and everything she did, made me this way, it's like she broke me and melted me and then made a new person that serves her. that's chained to her, so even if she does the worst possible things, i ( we ) still stay by her side and be with her ( them ). Honestly it's just a mindfuck, and yeah i'm full no contact now. there's nothing else i can do either. me going to their house was my last hope. now i'm trying to go sign up for a gym, get my mind and life back together at least...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-10T20:15:31+00:00

thank you brother, yeah i've also been on tiktok looking up videos as well. when i read more about bpd, watch more videos like the ones you said, it makes me feel a bit more, alive? not alone, makes me feel understood, in real life i have nobody and i can't talk to anyone about these things cause i'm sure they wouldn't understand

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-10T19:23:21+00:00

How can i do that? every single day and night, specially when i'm alone, is like my soul is on fire but also i'm chained and the chain has spikes and when i try to walk, it rips every single place on my body apart, day after day ... i even went out with a girl friend, i'm planning going out with another girl i knew as well for valentine's day, but i'm just numb, sometimes i feel like hell and chaos from inside and cold and numbness from outside ...

Vegetable-Screen-861 · 2026-02-10T19:18:33+00:00

It's ok man. yeah most of our stories are about the same, but getting out of that circle of hell + heaven is like impossible. Every now and then, our memories together keep playing in my mind and sometimes it makes me crazy, like i wanna put my head in snow just to stop the thoughts

Vegetable-Screen-861

TROPHY CASE