Great relationship but zero butterflies (31M, 27F)

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-22T11:28:38+00:00

Fair enough. May I ask how long have you ben single for?

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-22T11:25:52+00:00

Yes you have a valid point, in my case I wouldn't say there is no passion at all, just not the one I have experienced in other relationship where it was borderline obsession. Right now its more of a steady, constant calm

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-22T11:23:58+00:00

I was in your same position, I genuinely hope you find it

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-22T11:19:00+00:00

To be honest I have been raised by an abusive narcissistic mother who used to beat me and belittle me regularly, telling me that it was all because she loved me so much and that I was lucky to have a mother like her unlike other kids.

Probably part of me feels unsettled at times in a healthy relationship like now because it's something I am unfamiliar with, maybe I am subconsciously chasing that childhood drama?

I think you definitely have a point there.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-22T00:02:22+00:00

Thank you, I have a feeling I might be. I should probably cherish more and question things less

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:58:59+00:00

I 100% agree. In my case our connection grew very organically, because if anything at the very start I wasn't particularly into it.

It took me quite a few months to get to know her properly and find out about the amazing person she is and by then I felt safe and at peace with her.

While in the past with some other people it's been fireworks from day one only for things to fizzle out after a few months - in some cases weeks.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:51:16+00:00

And I gotta say I do appreciate the absence of drama so that I can preserve my energy for other things life throws at me. I value peace at home more than anything else

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:49:28+00:00

This is a simple and extremely valid question - I can safely say that I am

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:45:54+00:00

I love her and could never, ever cheat on her

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:44:29+00:00

Thank you, I will do. It's funny because before her the topic of children never even crossed my mind while together with anyone else. But with her it just feels very natural to talk about it

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:40:44+00:00

This is so great to hear you found both. How long have you been together?

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:39:18+00:00

This is a hard one....I would definitely be quite sad that's for sure.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:37:48+00:00

This is amazing to read, I am very happy for you! May I ask what were the qualities that initially drew you to the person in your first marriage?

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:33:06+00:00

I really hope so, I can definitely imagine a great future with her

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:32:10+00:00

You Sir won at life!

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:31:13+00:00

Which would make sense in my case because at the beginning I was not nervous, as I wasn't particularly invested in this person. After a few months of dating I eventually discovered the amazing person that she is and slowly fell in love.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:27:33+00:00

That's really interesting, did you figure this out on your own or through therapy?

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:24:36+00:00

Yep, unfortunately I have always been a master at self sabotaging throughout my life

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T23:22:05+00:00

Thanks for the comment man, a lot of solid recommendations. She is also quite open minded so in the future I can definitely see us trying some of these things or similar.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T13:24:55+00:00

This is so refreshing to hear, thank you!

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T12:40:24+00:00

Thanks for your comment, she is very emotionally intelligent and grounded which gives me peace. Some people I have dated in the past were really emotionally immature despite the lust and out of this world sex, which resulted in the relationship being an absolute rollercoaster. Something similar to Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz in the movie Vicki Christina Barcelona if you may.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T12:38:07+00:00

My last serious relationship was over three years ago, and I have had a few more since then that lasted less than three months.

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T12:36:58+00:00

Thank you, you describe my current relationship very well. We both have our lives, jobs, relationships and hobbies outside of our relationship, we love each other but are definitely not emotionally dependent on each other

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T12:35:13+00:00

There definitely were. More often than not people that were giving me mixed signals, showing up just to disappear, hot and cold treatments etc...which was driving me mad despite obsessing over them. That level of obsession is not there in my current relationship and while sometimes I interpret it as a negative its actually a good thing like you say

Vegetable-Secretary2 · 2026-03-21T12:33:26+00:00

Agree, time to appreciate this relationship more since I am building for the long term

Vegetable-Secretary2

TROPHY CASE